Better Than Before?

My tomato plants all died simultaneously, leaving me in no doubt as to whether self-sufficiency is an option for me. It ain’t.

And while I stood there petulantly, telling myself and anyone who would care to listen (the cats, garden birds and my ex who I’m in lockdown with), that I am “bad at gardening”, I realised this was a lie. 

I’m not BAD at gardening. I don’t TRY. I allocate zero time to it, never read instructions about when to plant things or how to care for them, I forget to water the seedlings, get bored easily and equate ordering a packet of seeds with making an effort. There was one rogue year when I grew tomatoes and peppers in abundance. This only worked because: I was bored, I was in a new home with none of my own stuff at the time. There was a greenhouse, my partner worked nights and I was on my own in a tiny village where I knew nobody. I had plenty of time on my hands. It was a hot summer of solo gardening.

Why is this at all relevant to what I do? And am I going to bring it around to the point in the clumsy way that priests’ sermons stereotypically do, (at least in my experience of being dispatched daily to a church school between the ages of 11 and 18)? Yes, I probably am about to make a clunky connection between my inability to garden and my work as a coach… here you go, ready for the shoehorn moment? It’s okay, I’ve warned you it’s coming…

So the connection is that I’ve been immersing myself in a book about habits. Creating them, breaking them, keeping them. I’m writing a book and the reading is research. The book ‘Better Than Before’ by Gretchen Rubin has made me think differently about habits and goals. It’s a few years old but the points are incredibly relevant. I mean – and sorry Gretchen if you are reading this – she is not exactly my ideal role model… she admits to not liking music (gasp!), not drinking (I worked at a brewery), avoiding sugar (I love doughnuts)… yep, not representative of me at all... so I was a bit worried whether I’d get much from this book at all without becoming a nun. However I did.

As a coach we talk about goals a lot. I mean we bang on about them all the time. And I often ask my clients what the goal of a call is, and what goals they want to reach this month or year… I’m like a dog with a bone about it. But finally reading ‘Better Than Before’ has made me wonder if creating habits is more useful than creating and reaching goals? Which would change the way I coach. I’ll tell you why. I realised that goals are often short-term, or medium-term at best. A goal might be to train for and run a marathon, or it might be about reaching a health goal for a specific event, or achieving a certain level of income in your business. There might be milestones and rewards. But then when it’s done, well a lot of people who run marathons then stop being runners, as it says in the book and I have found this to be true for people I know too. And those who lose weight for a wedding (I actually put weight ON before mine but that’s another story) well I often hear people saying they lost the weight for that event and now can’t fit into the dress/suit. I have no opinion about weight-loss, it’s merely an example. Anyhow. The point is (yes there is a point), that creating habits are intended to be forever. Whereas goals once hit, can be an excuse not to maintain that changed behaviour, as Gretchen points out in the book. 

To me forever is a very scary word, as it is for many of us. BUT there are some things I’d love to achieve and keep doing (or abstaining from) forever. It might just really change the vibe of how I coach if I focus more firmly at habits and less on goals. In reality I’ll explore at both, as they are not always the same. But I’d be interested to know what other people think. Would you rather create a habit or reach a goal? And why?

... if you liked this you should read the post I wrote last week, it's more fun. You can find it here: www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/can-i-help-you-fall-back-love-your-creative-freelance-helen-campbell/