Better Stories For Better Family Gatherings

I am often asked how best to tell a story, and my response is usually that I’m less concerned about how you tell a story and more interested in what story you tell.?

That’s true, and I believe it’s important to practice telling a story and refining it as you go. Each time you tell, listening carefully to how you tell it (try recording it and relisten!) and deciding on your own what could benefit improvement. It also helps to watch the reaction of the receiver. At what point was their attention captured? When might you have been losing them? For example, last week, I gave a keynote talk on the Power of Story to 160 staff of?Operation Smile’s Global Programs Academy.

About 10 minutes in, I told a story I hadn’t included before, about Taylor Swift connecting so genuinely with hundreds of millions of fans. The room lit up. Everyone cheered when I asked if there were any Swifties in the room. The faces were ENRAPTURED. And when I moved on to Brené Brown and then nonprofit leaders using storytelling to advance their good work, I was silently thinking about how I could bring T Swift back in to get the energy back up. That’s the kind of thing we should all be paying attention to when telling stories: Continually editing.

Returning to the question, of how to tell a good story, is a timely one because you may be spending time with family now during the holiday season, and it’s possible you are enduring the same family stories over and over again. Maybe you, like me, are guilty of bad storytelling. It happens to the best of us. The best stories are shaped by feedback.

Storytelling is like an energy exchange. If you come in too hot with too much, you blow a fuse. If you don’t come in with enough, you fail to even turn on the lights. There is always that one person who either goes too long with too much risking losing your attention or doesn’t give enough, making you wonder what the point is of the story.

This isn’t unlike any professional situation in which you might find yourself. Either you are the offender, and you don’t realize it, or you are the one enduring it, humoring the storyteller and preparing one of your Ways to Exit a Conversation (future blog post). This is the kind of situation we want to avoid in storytelling. Our goal is to capture attention, generate interest, deepen understanding, and influence action. Yet so often, with the best intentions, we are vainly telling stories that do nothing.

Here are a few tips for better storytelling, be it at your next presentation or Christmas dinner.

Stories are crafted on moments,?not a chronology of the events that led up to the moment you want to describe to us. Think about the moment you want to share, why you want to share it, and what about it we need to know.?

Just because it happened, doesn’t mean it has to be in the story.?Get to it. I know. This is hard. I was recently caught doing this very thing, so it’s hard to be objective which is why practice is important, and difficult decisions must be made about editing. I know you want to talk about how many steps it took and how many attempts it took. Bring us to the moment. And don’t exhaust us with unnecessary details along the way. And cut more than you think.

Bring it to life with a detail.?Sometimes a lovely detail gives us a deeper understanding of a story. Remove too much, and we lose touch. Detail brings something to life. Underscores something you want the teller to experience. Like the wood grain in a nice hardwood floor, if it’s too polished, we don’t see the authenticity of it.?

Which leads me back to how much is too much or not enough? The only answer I can give you is to practice and edit. Practice and edit. The best stories are shaped by feedback. And feedback requires practice.?

I wish you the best during this holiday season and hope nothing but wonderful stories for you all.

Take care out there.

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