Better People, Create Better Parents

Welcome to Dad In Me with Kyle , a daily dive designed to provide valuable perspectives, parenting tips, and education, empowering men and? to become better fathers and, in turn, nurturing a generation of happy, equipped, and inspired children. Like what you’re reading? Subscribe and share with your friends. Let’s dive in…

Once, someone asked me how a parent can get better for their kids. Before I answer that, I want to make one thing clear: I strongly believe for any parent trying to be better, doing personal work is a must. It's the most important thing. Instead of immediately thinking about things like insurance benefits, college plans, or education strategies, I believe the absolute top priority for a parent is to focus on their own personal growth.?

It took me a considerable amount of time to truly grasp this concept. The challenging reality is that, during my upbringing, the prevailing belief was that the key to being a good parent was centered around providing financial support, enrolling children in camps, and ensuring they received the best education. This perspective was ingrained in me through the experiences, exposures, and examples set by my parents, whom I viewed as superheroes. Their presence in my life exposed me to various opportunities that significantly influenced the person I am today.

While my parents were consistently present physically, what was lacking was their commitment to personal growth. I never witnessed them engaging in self-discovery, attending conferences, or participating in personal development opportunities. There was a noticeable absence of them reading books, reflecting, or journaling about ways to improve themselves as individuals. The idea of seeking therapy or engaging in deep introspective work was not part of their narrative, and consequently, I never considered prioritizing these aspects during my childhood.

Despite our regular attendance at church, where my father's speeches to the congregation left a lasting impact on me, I now realize the importance of the internal work that was overlooked. Looking back, I recognize that their journey of self-discovery and personal development was crucial for them to attain better emotional and mental well-being. But through my own experiences and thinking it over, I realized that being a better parent goes beyond these external things—it's about ongoing self-discovery and self-improvement.?

Consider a child who has attended the finest schools, lived in luxurious homes, and traveled to the most breathtaking destinations. What if, despite these external advantages, they lack a solid emotional, spiritual, and mental foundation in their lives? In my view, such children might end up in a worse state than those who had the essential elements of emotional, mental, and spiritual grounding, even if they didn't enjoy the same financial privileges or parental educational support.

Returning to the central question: where does this process of self-work and development begin? I'd like to respond with a quote I recently came across in a LinkedIn article. It suggested reflecting on the actions that someone has done for you that you truly admired and loved. Take note of these things and then make an effort to do the same for others. This, I believe, is a powerful starting point for personal growth and development.

This is where the real work starts – embracing all the qualities you need to embody within yourself. The quote concludes by urging reflection on the negative impacts others may have had on you. It encourages avoiding repeating those actions and steering clear of such behavior. Often, initiating the journey of self-improvement requires a moment of introspection, understanding that reflection precedes revelation. To evolve, we must first recognize what needs changing and potentially articulate the goals of our transformation.

Defining What Parenting Success Looks Like To You

For me, the starting point of this self-discovery journey lies in defining the kind of parent you aspire to be, irrespective of the examples you may have witnessed or experienced. What does love mean in the context of parenting? How do you envision your child experiencing internal happiness? What does providing for your child entail? How do you define discipline or quality education for them? Every goal or definition carries a unique context and responsibility that accompanies it.

If you desire the best education for your child, it might mean relocating to a different zip code or increasing your income to afford living in such an area. It could involve gaining the financial acumen to understand and secure scholarships for tuition at a private institution.

Aligning The Wants of You and Your Child

Consider what you truly want for your child. What steps must you take internally to ensure your child can receive those opportunities? Often, we think our role as parents is solely to guide and empower our children, but the reality is that, as parents, we must first empower ourselves. We need to grow, face challenges, be held accountable, and evolve before we can expect our children to mirror the qualities necessary for fulfilling their purpose.

The parenting journey we embark on isn't initiated by decisions like choosing a daycare, determining college affordability, or selecting a car for our teenager. It commences with introspective questions: How can I become more integral? How can I be a wiser steward of my finances? In what ways can I transform my approach to relationships? How do I enhance my communication skills? How can I exemplify being a better friend, setting boundaries in friendships?

Consider how you can impart lessons on being a better spouse, teaching them the fundamentals of approaching relationships. This involves active involvement in your faith, handling finances responsibly, excelling in your profession, and addressing personal growth. The core of parenting lies in the ongoing efforts to embody the values and behaviors you wish to instill in your children.

Actions speak louder than words, especially when it comes to parenting. My advice to any parent reading this is to first envision the type of parent you want to be and set that as your target. Then, gradually work backward, identifying specific areas where you aim to improve.

Create guardrails by outlining things you do not want to become. This ensures that if you find yourself slipping back into patterns from your upbringing or behaviors that don't empower you, you have a clear reference point. Recognizing these signals equips you with the knowledge of what steps are necessary for both personal growth and guiding your child towards their destined path. Who you desire to be for your little ones is possible, it just requires you committing to the responsibilities necessary to transform not only your life, but the lives of the ones that mean the most.

I'm eager to hear from you soon. Feel free to comment below if you have any questions.