Better Late Than Never

About two weeks ago, I came to the conclusion that something was wrong. I was a year into retirement after 20 years in the Army, but my satisfaction in professional relationships had stagnated.

Often in the military when you PCS, the friends who stay at your old duty station-- friends who you shared more with than you would share with your own family-- can fade into the mist while you adapt to your new situation. We get used to this separation and learn to desensitize ourselves to it. We know with certainty that whenever we reunite down the line, we pick right back up like we had never been apart. We know that no matter how long it has been, we can call these people and there will be a couch to crash on, a friendly ear to reminisce with, and maybe a brew or two.

I have come to understand that this is not a normal way to have a relationship. It took me a bit longer to figure out because I am naturally a cynical introvert, but luckily, I’m a fast learner (once I pull my head out of my fourth point of contact, that is).

In the civilian world, connections fade away and do not resume where they left off when you attempt to reconnect.

Your relevance with others in this new world does not rely on the shared misery of “embracing the suck” together; it relies on how you participate and interact with your new connections ON A ROUTINE BASIS.

 In the social media construct of civilian life, these relationships fade even faster, and often depend on algorithms that you may or may not understand. This becomes painfully obvious when you have the ability to look back on a timeline of your activity metrics. If only that were possible...

Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are the social media TOYS many of us used while in service. We used them to share memes and gifs and jokes, or to connect with friends and family around the world. When we are handed LinkedIn during transition classes, we see yet another TOY. We think we understand how this TOY works, and we use it like a TOY to entertain us.

The problem with this becomes apparent when we examine the activity of transitioning servicemembers beginning to use LinkedIn. We are handed a TOOL that on the surface appears similar to the TOYS we have been playing with, and we use it in the same manner we are accustomed to.

DON’T DO THAT.

Using LinkedIn the way you use the other social media platforms will get you results, but not in the way you are expecting it to. You can see this phenomenon in action when you look at the activity arcs of many, many transitioning veterans (me included). We have a meteoric spike in activity when we first blow open the door, clearing rooms and racking up numbers with our old buddies and acquaintances.

THEN, CRICKETS.

The battle buddies and acquaintances fade in and out of existence, and unlike in real life the connections are not immediately recovered. We stop seeing the payoff of this platform, and we go on with our lives.

What many fail to realize is that while we have dropped what we think is a toy, the rest of professional society is using that tool to launch them light years beyond their small circles of friends. The moves they are making, the connections they are building ON A DAILY BASIS are setting them on a path that is light years beyond you and your amazing untapped potential. They are using this TOOL to overpower the algorithms holding them back, and they are moving faster every day. They are walking around like Arnold Schwarzenegger with a chain gun; you are holding a solitary bullet with no gun.

Two weeks ago, I saw posts of a friend who was participating in conversations and generating knowledge at levels I had not seen from any of my contacts. His posts were a little corny, but always upbeat and full of positivity. On top of that, they were relevant and prescient, and they were quickly building his influence and power over his future goals.  He had cracked the code that eludes so many of us:

LinkedIn IS NOT A TOY.

Making the decision to treat this tool as a forum for building professional connections and meaningful relationships resulted in an almost immediate change for me. I went from playing with a toy boat in the bathtub to strapping Falcon-9 rockets to the boat and launching out of my tiny bubble.

The connections that I have made and the relationships I have begun over the past couple weeks are ones that have already enriched my life. I have discovered a world of like-minded people and organizations that share my passions and goals and are working every day to reinforce those relationships.

This did not happen by just clicking the “connect” button and waiting for the judgement of others to reinforce my self-worth. This happened when I took the power into my own hands and interacted with others with the only goal of adding MUTUAL value to OUR professional networks.

My words and clever analogies may not convince you of the value this mindset brings to the table, so maybe the visual shock of a before and after graphic will. Prior to this rapid increase, I was relatively active on LinkedIn posts within my network-but I was still using it like a toy. After changing my mindset, well…see for yourself:

The choice is yours, but I think I shall be putting aside my childish things for the foreseeable future.