Betrayal and its effects on the body and brain

Betrayal and its effects on the body and brain

?When one has been betrayed the effect is one of trauma because the person has been emotionally abused. The impact of betrayal on the body and brain is equivalent to PTSD.

?According to psychologist Stanley Rachman, “Betrayal can cause mental contamination, and the betrayer commonly becomes a source of contamination.” Mental contamination is defined as, ‘internal feelings of dirtiness when there is no external stimulus.’ Simply put, powerful internal negative emotions of feeling dirty are evoked if the betrayed thinks about the betrayer.?

?The body has eleven organ systems working together to protect, keep us safe and healthy. Experiencing trauma affects them all to varying degrees. Therefore, when one has been betrayed they will experience betrayal trauma which is understood as “a violation of a deep attachment.” We are beings attached to significant others for our survival and healthy functioning in the world. Betrayal trauma is different from other traumas because a key or important relationship has been violated as opposed to other forms of trauma.?

Betrayal cuts deep because it shakes up the building blocks of trust. When I see clients I help them understand what has happened to them is likened to an emotional/psychological tsunami which has shattered their previously ordered sense of the world making them feel so out of sorts. Numerous definitions about the building blocks of trust abound but the main building blocks are, “honesty, keeping your word, showing concern for others, showing capability and genuine commitment.?

Trust becomes complicated when betrayal is thrown in the mix. Let me explain. If the betrayed is dependent on the perpetrator for their survival they may adapt themselves to maintain the relationship. It does not take much to see what the long term consequences might be for the victim. Such behaviour, in some circles, is called psychological or emotional blindness, when, even in the face of undeniable evidence of betrayal, the victim downplays what is happening. I have seen this behaviour trait often in abusive relationships where destructive and manipulative behaviour is minimised. It can be seen when women in abusive relationships refuse to press charges when they have been assaulted. I can hear some folks exclaiming “how can that be? Such lessening of manipulative behaviour acts as a coping/survival mechanism.?

With all this happening what might be some of the symptoms of betrayal trauma? The?betrayed can experience flashbacks, nightmares, disruptive sleep, insomnia, depression, brain fog, distraction, hypervigilance, angry outbursts, social withdrawal, fearfulness… you get the picture? Often coupled with these symptoms is the debilitating emotion of shame. Shame, broadly speaking, can be linked to ‘feelings of being judged, criticised or rejected by others.’ All this is underpinned by the belief you are not good enough. Thus, betrayal is disruptive, causes chaos, and in many cases, shatters the person's sense of self. You may genuinely ask, is it possible to recover from such trauma? Yes it is. What follows are simply suggestions enabling you to find your bearings once you have been betrayed. I do not suggest it is easy, but it is possible. One final thought about the symptoms. They are a reaction to what has happened to you and it is the body’s way of letting you know you need to give attention to your needs for recovery.??

When I work with clients who have been betrayed, or have experienced other life shattering experiences, I suggest they create a toolbox of methods, strategies and techniques to help them get through their tough times but I would like to offer a word of caution. When our lives have been disrupted and we are in emotional and psychological pain there is a human proclivity to seek out instant relief often through alcohol, drugs, binge eating, endlessly/mindlessly surfing the net or even having illicit relationships. These, and other distractions, only offer short term relief. Failure to get the proper support can lead to addictions. I will feature three ideas and then list others.

?First, acknowledge what has happened. Doing so empowers you to move forward enhancing your recovery. Second, learn to understand what triggers you. This is dependent on a range of factors unique to you. For example, Seeing the person who betrayed you or visiting your workplace where the betrayal took place can be triggering. Third, accept and name your feelings. In many of life’s difficulties, one factor causing further problems is being unable, or never having learnt how to process our feelings. We try to avoid dealing with?them but naming and accepting our feelings is fundamental for our recovery. Let me give you an example.?

?Many years ago, a friendship ended. It had to. Back then, I had a tendency of holding onto hurt feelings for months. On this occasion, I decided to journal my experience and promised myself any emerging and unpleasant feelings I would address. I was able to work through the feelings of loss in around six to seven works. Much shorter than in previous times.?

?Learn breathing exercises which will reduce the levels of stress in your body. Also, learn methods of self-soothing which can help you move past negativity and pain. Mindfulness can help in slowing down our bodies and helping us relearn emotional regulation. Find support from trusted people you know. You do not need lots of people. I have said for decades, as human beings we can get through most things in life if we have two or three trusted people who have our backs. Taking long walks in nature can be therapeutic. Be intentional about what you need or seek out a therapist who can help you put things into perspective and suggest more ways in which you can continue your healing process.

?Be encouraged. If you have been betrayed be assured you will get through this, or if you know someone who has been betrayed, please feel free to share this article with them and let them know recovery from betrayal trauma is possible.

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