The Best Ways to get Your Message Across

When my daughter was about three or four, my wife and I sat her down to have a serious discussion about toys. We have a very generous group of family and friends, and the amount of toys in our home was outrageous. So much so that our unfinished basement looked like a store filled with unwrapped toys. Her brother was too young to understand, so we decided to speak only with her regarding the relinquishment of some of her toys to children who didn’t have any to play with that holiday season.

I explained to her that many children don’t have anything to play with, and how good it feels to give to others. After a few head nods from her, I thought we were on the same page. I was thrilled at my exceptional parenting and my impending father of the year award. I could now brag (amongst other things) about my daughter’s philanthropic nature at such a young age.

We proceeded to the basement and asked her to point out which toys she would like to donate to these unfortunate children. Bursting with pride, I watched as she pointed to about five or ten toys, which was actually more than I thought was necessary.

There was only one problem.

All the toys she pointed out were my son’s.

Needless to say, I didn’t get my message across and I never did win my parent of the year award.

Even though this occurred in my personal life, I find this happens quite often in my professional life as well. Here are some suggestions to help you make sure the message sent is the message received:

Make Sure They are Ready

I was trying to have a discussion with my older son about “girls” while walking to an exhibit during a visit to EPCOT. I was so proud that I was doing this in a memorable place, and I had visions of my speech at his wedding, where I would reminisce about the time we had this life-changing talk. At the end of my diatribe, I turned to him and asked if he had any questions.

“Dad, are we in China?”

I realized he simply wasn’t ready to receive my message. My staff knows not to come to me with controversial topics if I haven’t eaten yet. Although you may desperately want to talk to someone about something, make sure the timing is right.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

I have found one of the most successful ways to get my point across is to give an example in their world. For instance, in a previous capacity, I needed to show one of our clients that they weren’t paying us properly. Instead of using us as the example, I reversed it and used one of their employees as the example. This allowed them to see the disservice they were committing, and they rectified the situation. Had I just explained it from our point of view, I never would have achieved the desired results. 

Try to explain your situation in such a way where it’s easier for the person to understand the message, in order to get your point across.

Opposites Attract

I proudly grew up in the Canarsie section of Brooklyn, New York, yet, I do not have a Brooklyn accent. However, it does occasionally come out when I am either nervous or angry. In the same manner that my accent changes based on the circumstance, the same happens depending on the reaction of the person in which I am engaging. So, if the person is heated and angry, I tend to get very calm. If the person is very calm, I tend to get more animated. The issue is that if both parties are heated, nothing will get accomplished because no one is listening. If both parties are calm, nothing will be accomplished either, because no one wants to spoil the mood. Having the opposite reaction will make the other person pay more attention to your message.

Back it up

My brother is a phenomenal skier. I dare say he is better than me (now), but only because he lives in Colorado and has more access to snow. He once wore an outrageously loud ski outfit and asked me if I thought it was acceptable to wear. I told him he has earned the right to wear whatever the hell he wants because he can back it up.

The strongest and most successful way to get your point across is with proper documentation. Not speculation, but documentation. If all else fails, demonstrating with indisputable proof will get you what you want, even though the other person may not like it.

Listen

This is the hardest thing to accomplish. Everyone in entire world thinks they are good listeners, but in reality most people are not. Listening provides certain tidbits you can use to your advantage. When you listen to what the other person is saying, you can respond appropriately and tailor your response to make sure your message is heard and acted upon. When you talk too much, your message gets lost and you will likely walk away very frustrated.

These are just a few suggestions on how to improve your message delivery. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

In the meantime, I will be trying to buy back my daughter’s stuff on eBay that my son sold.

Lonny Anger has been trying to send the message of his TV Pilot called Frank and Bruno to an Executive Producer who will pay him gobs of money to produce his show. Perhaps he should take his own advice above. This week’s dinner invites include Trevor Noah, because Lonny thinks he is funny, Jeb Bush because Lonny thinks he needs a hug, and Queen Latifah because of her help in bringing awareness to Scleroderma.