There Is Best Way To Parent Kids & That Same Style Will Make You A Better Leader. Here It Is

Last month I had the opportunity to interview one of?my favorite authors,?Angela Duckworth, on the Elevate Podcast .???

Duckworth?is?a professor at the Wharton School, CEO of Character Lab and the?New York Times?bestselling?author of?Grit.?She’s the world’s top expert on?the subject of grit, which she?defines as the combination of?passion and?perseverance in pursuit of a long-term goal .??

As we?discussed building grit in work and life, the?conversation moved to?parenting. I’ve written previously about the?concept of?snowplow?parenting ,?an increasingly common?style of parenting?where parents proactively clear all obstacles from their children’s lives to give them an easier path.?It would stand to reason that?this?method?of parenting is not conducive to building grit, so I naturally?asked?Duckworth?for her thoughts on the subject.?

Duckworth revealed that?there is?actually a?research-supported?conclusion about the?best style of parenting,?regardless of?cultural background.?This?style?is also particularly useful in helping children?develop grit?and?prepare for future adversity.?

Duckworth explained three key?characteristics?to?this parenting approach.?

1. Warmth:?A parent who has their kids’ best interest at heart,?is kind?and?whose children believe?that the parent is invested in their best interests.?
2. Autonomy Support: A parent who?helps a child become independent?and who respects their decisions and opinions,?even when they don’t agree with them.??
3. Demanding:?A parent who has high standards?for their kids, and often raises those standards?as they mature.??

While snowplow parents often?are strong in the?first?characteristic, they?don’t possess the second or third.?Many parents today?constantly?interfere?to?solve problems?for the kids, rather than giving them the autonomy to solve their own problems?and holding them to a high standard.?Some?snowplow?parents shockingly?even?extend?this?approach to college , reaching out to their kid’s teachers?and coaches?to advocate.?

As a result,?children?of snowplow parents?generally don’t?develop?the skills needed?to overcome adversity,?either?during?childhood?or?adulthood.?This approach also leads to?diminished?self-confidence and increases?dependency,?two factors?that contribute to the anxiety, depression and helplessness that?record numbers of people?are experiencing today.??

I?strongly?agreed?with?Duckworth’s?assessment?on?parenting. In fact,?I’m?convinced?those same three characteristics are?also?found in?great?leadership .??

Great leaders are kind and supportive. They?respect?disagreement from their teams and?effectively?delegate work to their teams and give them autonomy?to get things done. They also hold?high standards for themselves ?and their teams and work to coach everyone to meet those standards.???

In contrast,?micromanagers ?have a similar impact?to?snowplow parents.?These leaders?signal?a lack of trust in?their teams?and stifle others’ growth by doing?everything themselves.?Micromanagement?breeds?lower?self-confidence,?as employees?feel?like they never get?anything?right.?In reality, the?employees are perfectly capable of doing what is needed—they just aren’t given the chance because?the manager?wants?someone to think and act exactly as they do,?rather than creating the?space?for?failure,?growth?and different approaches.?

Another common trait between micromanagers and snowplow parents is they often mean well. They don’t want their employees or children to fail and think it’s easier to?remove?adversity, rather than empowering people to solve problems themselves.?It takes?a thoughtful, disciplined approach to?parent or lead in the manner Duckworth promotes.?

Where in your life are you working too?hard to clear obstacles for other people? How could you benefit from providing a bit more autonomy support and?setting?a higher standard??

Quote of the Week:?“Prepare the child for the?path, not the?path?for the child.”?–?Author Unknown

If you enjoyed this article, I would encourage you to check out

1. ?Friday Forward ,?my short weekly leadership note?read by 200,000+ leaders in over sixty countries each Friday morning.
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3. My Bestselling Books ?&?Elevate Podcast?

Robert Glazer? is the founder and CEO of?Acceleration Partners ,?an award-winning partner marketing agency with over twenty-five best place to work awards. He is also a bestselling author and keynote speaker and was twice named to Glassdoor’s list of Top CEO of Small and Medium Companies in the US, ranking #2.?

Full bio and speaking inquires at?www.robertglazer.com