Feedback Pt 1: Why is Giving Criticism the Scariest Thing to Do as a Boss?

Introduction

Hi everyone, Ramiro, the Round Boss, is back again. This time, I'm here to offer my advice on giving feedback, the Round Boss way! If you're not sure what being a Round Boss means, see my first edition of The Round Boss newsletter here .

We all start out as students, first in school and then, if we choose, in life. And no matter where you go, you're always given some kind of feedback by your teacher. It can be in the form of a grade, a check, a sticker, or a good word on a test. However, all of these types of feedback are traditional, time-tested techniques to get children to do their work. And those are just the positive types of reinforcement, there are also bad things teachers can say, detentions, and parents can also levy their own types of praise or punishment.

In the working world, the ways in which employees are given feedback have changed over time. Mad Men gives a famous example of feedback where Peggy Olsen is looking for credit and praise from Don Draper, who then gives Peggy a lesson in how praise works in market capitalism:

In the 1960s world of Mad Men, money is praise, and doing a good job means your reward is keeping your job. That was unquestioned back then and you owed your employer everything and were at the whim of the company's will. If you want to see the whole scene for context, here's the link (sorry that this is a rip-off Youtube version).

I think of this scene a lot, especially when I am not given the recognition, credit, or freedom to do the job I feel that I deserve. We've all had toxic bosses or people in our lives and I think we all want to avoid being Don Draper when it comes to managing our team.

So, I will break down feedback into two categories: praise and criticism, both of which need to be given in a healthy, Round, way (using mindfulness, experience, skills, and the ability to change if need be) in order to keep a working relationship healthy between People Leaders and Individual Contributors. This is a two-part newsletter, and part 1, Criticism, starts below.

Criticism

I'll start with the harder form of feedback: criticism (noun, interpretation, analysis). It can be logical, constructive, positive, negative (and so on, here's a resource of more types of critique ) but how do we make sure it is effective and does not elicit a negative emotional response from your direct report? Or worse, make your report feel small, threatened, or in danger of losing their job?

Well, you can't control people's emotions but you can be mindful that you are dealing with an adult. Being direct is not out of the question, I know I HATED deciphering emails, slacks, and other communication for any kind of real criticism so I can be better at my job. I craved it. 5, "Great Jobs," followed by a random "check-in" meeting telling me why those last 5 projects weren't good enough, can be BEYOND frustrating.

From the Teacher World I started in my working life, giving and getting feedback from colleagues is part of the professional development culture. It is expected that someone will come to watch your class, even record it, and offer advice. And nothing is harder than watching a recording of oneself but it is the most effective way to learn how you present yourself to colleagues.

Most workplaces do not have this culture and don't have any good models for it. Instead, most managers rely on the old shi*t sandwich analogy - give praise, then criticize, then praise again. Since this is a known tactic, I can see this coming from a mile away, and most likely, so will your reports. I always felt infantilized by this - like, do you think I'm so weak as to not be able to handle a suggestion for improvement? Or was your praise even real if it was just used to give me critique?

Model Critique by Starting with Yourself

Instead, I recommend using your experience and modeling criticism by starting with yourself. Right off the bat, I can tell you my weaknesses as a boss: I can float into multitasking if I'm not careful, my confidence can sometimes rub people the wrong way, and I can get visibly frustrated when inefficiencies pile up.

These aren't things I would lead with during an interview but I know who I am at this point and these are weaknesses I am actively reminding myself NOT to do when managing a team. I know my skills and strengths well and so I am confident (see above) that I can build a team that solves the weaknesses in me and in others. By starting with oneself, one can show that criticism is okay and that THE BOSS, IN FACT, IS NOT PERFECT NOR A GOD.

But How Can I Be a Boss with Weaknesses?!

Admitting weakness won't make your authority shatter into a million pieces, though, which I know is what most bosses fear. In fact, instead, you are building trust and giving your reports the space to admit their imperfections as well. Over time, this criticism can change the culture of your team and can become a real part of the working relationship you have with your individual contributors,

How Often Should We Offer a Critique?

The pitfall of most bosses is that they only offer criticism once a year in the form of an annual review. Yikes. Picture this, an employee of yours is sitting around thinking, "Y'know, my boss only gives me good reviews and praise so I must be doing a great job!" Then, comes the annual review along with a flood of criticism, in writing, so no conversation can be had about what is said. What's worse is that this critique often comes with salary ramifications so there is a real cost of this critique to the employee as well.

Instead, give consistent criticism by modeling it yourself, as often as you can. If you flub your words during a presentation, admit that. If a tech problem occurs, admit to that, too. Have a story about how you made mistakes as an individual contributor? Tell it. As a boss, you are showing that you value honesty and criticism when needed and that it is SAFE to do so in your presence.

Formally, I would start giving critical feedback in 1:1's and ask your reports how they feel a project or task could have gone better. Most of the time, they already have ideas for improvement that you might not have thought about - and this can take some of the heavy lifting of critique off your shoulders. But, if they aren't sure how to improve (which can happen!) start with suggestions of how mistakes can be fixed: Could communication have gone better? Could the team be better prepared for the task at hand? Did they not hire enough people to do the work...or perhaps the wrong people? If you are having weekly 1:1's with your direct reports, which I highly recommend, the consistent forum for criticism (criticism is not a bad word!) will help everyone improve.

Have specific questions about giving critical feedback or need help building this into your company culture? Feel free to book my consultant services through this link: https://www.dhirubhai.net/services/page/8a8598322488105482

Part 2, praise, drops next week!

-Ramiro, The Round Boss