The Best Present You Can Have

How enjoyable is it to live in constant discontent, restless and always needing more?

Until he was almost thirty, Eckhart Tolle described his life as “a state of almost continuous anxiety interspersed with periods of suicidal depression.” On one particular evening of darkness and despair, Tolle suddenly had this realisation that he was talking to himself and listening at the same time. His inner-talk was “I cannot live with myself” and this led him to ask whether there was one or two of him – the I and the ‘myself’. He then thought: “maybe only one of them is real.”

It led that evening to an intense physical and spiritual experience after which he fell asleep. When he awoke, his life (and all his thinking) had changed forever and for many months he lived in a state of pure joy marvelling at  the miracle of life.

The biggest lesson Tolle shares in his book The Power of Now is that we need to stop identifying with our minds and live in the present moment. The benefit to being present is that you can feel whole or complete NOW – not at some uncertain point in the future that’s only possible if you achieve a, b and c. The measure is how much peace of mind you feel now – how much joy, ease and lightness.

He describes thinking as a “sickness”. What he calls the “tormentor” in our heads is what sucks us of positive energy and fuels problems. We have become enslaved to our thinking, our minds and our emotions. He believes that over 80% of our thinking is “repetitive and useless” and often dysfunctional and negative. (If you want to test this out, just listen to your own thinking for one minute).

As you start to WITNESS your thoughts (some of which are ridiculous), you can get increasing separation from them. Don’t take your thoughts so seriously. Smile at the voice in your head. It is not the real you. Keep reminding yourself: They are just thoughts.

“The present moment holds the key to liberation.” True joy comes from being “intensely conscious of the present moment” AND an awareness that everything is connected. In order to feel this “silent but powerful sense of presence,” Tolle suggests taking any routine activity and giving it your fullest attention. He notes that the greatest measure of success is how much peace you feel inside. This is the joy of being.

“Enlightenment…is simply your natural state of felt oneness of Being. It is a state of connectedness with something immeasurable and indestructible.” We should stop “looking outside for scraps of pleasure, validation or love” when the greatest treasures are within. “Being can be felt but it can never be understood mentally.”

When we don’t feel connected, we see ourselves as separate from everything – and our egos kick in. Ego and our minds thrive in the past and future and try to avoid being in the present. Yet we can’t do anything about the past or the future. We can only work on the present – the more you let this sink in, the happier you will be.

Why do we obsess about the past and future rather than the present moment? Because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation and fulfilment. Tolle says that both of these are ILLUSIONS in that neither exists any more or yet. Living through memory and anticipation is a guarantee for unhappiness and endless focus on things you can’t control. The only precious thing about time is right now. The only experiences we ever have happen in the present but the mind can’t understand any of this – and it is excluded from this.

Focusing on a deep love for all that IS – rather like a gratitude habit – can help you make the shift from MIND to BEING and to feeling really alive now. You can still work on lofty goals but the point is to feel complete as a person now not with all these conditions, ifs and ‘somedays’.

In order to disidentify from the mind, remove time from the mind by not living in the past or future. Live in the present. You miss out on life when focusing on the past and future. (Yes there are exceptions to this such as business planning for 2021 or resolving past problems by seeking to understand them so you don’t make them again.)

We need to address first “the basic problem-making dysfunction of the mind – its attachment to past and future and denial of the Now.” Most pain is self-created and created in our minds from repeated reflection on the past or on worry about the future: resentment, hatred, self-pity, guilt, anger, depression, jealousy and irritation. These are all forms of not accepting was IS – of denying what is happening in the present moment. In A New Earth, Tolle explains that when something unpleasant is going on, the best approach is one of acceptance. If you can focus on and accept what’s happening now – which is the only thing that is real anyway – you can surrender to what’s actually happening and let life flow with you rather than resisting it.

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” Work with it, not against it. “Make it your friend and not your enemy and this will miraculously transform your whole life.” Part of this is because pain can only feed on other pain – it will only get worse; pain cannot feed on joy. In the same way, success breeds success. When you feel good, you make better decisions.

From a practical standpoint, accept what ‘is’ and then consider doing something about it. When Tolle talks about “working with it rather than against it,” he’s referring to the emotional pain from past experiences that we store up unintentionally and knee-jerk react to every time they come up.

Part of the solution to being present is also about ‘letting go’ of past emotional baggage so we don’t become puppets to these hot topics in the future. This is not easy (especially with meaty topics like parents); it IS a learnable skill. It starts with self-awareness: what are some things that can trigger you to slide? E.g. a certain childhood topic like a challenging parent or teacher or when you compare yourself to certain people, it almost always sets you off etc.

None of us wants to live the rest of our lives reacting automatically to these things like a Pavlovian dog. Addressing this is a PROCESS. Focus on observing any unhappiness as the watcher to your thoughts. This consciousness brings it into the present and helps to defuse it. The pain can’t use you anymore then by pretending it’s the real you. The pain is just old thoughts that need letting go.  Another reason to acknowledge this mental pain is because it can turn into a physical symptom in your body if it remains repressed. Watch the feelings inside you rather than trying to judge or analyse them.

When you worry, are anxious or you feel psychological fear, your mind is thinking about something that MIGHT happen in the future. When you identify with your mind like this, your ego is running your life. But if you stay in the present moment, you can always cope. Start by catching yourself when you start thinking about the past or future. And observe this thinking (see the practical tiny habit ideas below).

A key part to the egoic mind is a deep-seated feeling of LACK: that you’re never good enough. And it thrives on feeding you these thoughts. Some people then seek to address this negative motivation by charging towards more possessions, money, success, power, recognition and special relationships only to find the emptiness is still there. The pain will not go away unless you face it by observing it.

If you’re wondering how to make becoming more present into a tiny habit, here are some ideas to experiment with. Remember your ‘measure’ is how much you feel peace of mind, joy, ease or lightness.

Tip: HOW you do things is more important than what you do. Use BJ Fogg’s experimental mindset – treat all this in a curious and playful manner and your results will come much quicker. 

1.    After I (pick a current specific habit e.g. ‘put the kids to bed’), I will sit still for 30 seconds and ask myself: “What’s going on inside at the moment?”  and just feel the energy of my emotions.  And celebrate. (No need to analyse. This will get you to be present.)

2.    While my son/daughter/partner is talking to me at dinner, I will look at them intently and fully listen. Then celebrate.

3.    After I click “Join Meeting” before a client meeting, I will write down BE PRESENT on my meeting notes as a reminder. And celebrate.

4.    After I think a negative thought from the past, I will ask myself: “How do I solve this problem now?” And celebrate. (This will help you address it in the present or realise it is a pointless old problem that your ego mind is creating for no good reason. Shining light on it will gradually defuse it.)

5.    While I am worrying or getting anxious about something in the future, I will ask myself: “What can I do about this now?” and address it or tell myself: “That can wait until tomorrow.” And celebrate. (By creating some space, you can start to resolve some of the problems that you can’t stop thinking about!)

6.    After I complete my first project for the day, I will ask myself: “Am I at ease at this moment?” And celebrate. (“Get the inside right and the outside will fall into place”)

7.    After I finish dinner and sit down, I will become aware of my breathing. And celebrate.

The greatest power comes from taking responsibility for your inner feelings rather than blaming the outside world. Defuse that negative energy!

Give up WAITING as a state of mind. True prosperity comes from being grateful for what you have NOW and doing your best to enjoy the present. “In time, prosperity manifests in various ways.” But it cannot come in the future without a grateful heart and a present consciousness - you might make a lot of money in the future but you will still mostly feel empty inside.

“Many patterns in ordinary unconsciousness…can simply be dropped once you know that you don’t want them and don’t need them anymore, once you realise that you have a choice, that you are not just a bundle of conditioned reflexes.”

When you come up with a tiny habit that works for you, please email it to me!

Good luck!

Matt

Copyright Matt Anderson, 2020