The best mentors: what do they do differently?

There are many different types of mentors, and you can find one to fit your needs. But beware - not all mentors are created equal.

There are various forms of mentoring. It fails unless the leaders remember certain basic rules.

For the last several years, I've been studying how leaders may assess and cultivate talent in light of a shifting, more purpose-driven, and more technology-enabled workplace in preparation for writing a book on the subject. After speaking with one hundred of the most respected figures in business, society, the arts, and government, one common thread has emerged: They go out of their way to impart their "goodness" in ways that help others realize their own potential. To rephrase, the best leaders use a style of leadership that focuses less on gaining followers and more on developing new ones. What kind of magic are they using? In my experience, there are four things that the finest mentors do:

Prioritize your friendship above becoming a mentor to them.

All too often, mentoring becomes more of a "check the box" exercise than a genuine, relationship-based process. For a mentoring relationship to work, there needs to be some basic chemistry between the mentor and the mentee. Studies have shown that a real, interprofessional connection between a mentor and mentee is much more beneficial than even the most well-designed mentoring program. Research by mentoring specialists and professors at the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee Dr.Belle Rose Ragins showed that unless mentees have a fundamental connection with their mentors, there is no distinguishable difference between mentees and those who are not mentored. To sum up, building rapport is essential for effective coaching. At its best, it inspires people to look past their labels (employer and worker) and find out what they have in common.

you can listen to her in this podcast here

The majority of mentors make the mistake of thinking that their job is to teach professional skills. Getting the skills needed for a job is a clear part of any mentoring program. But the best leaders do more than just have technical knowledge. They also work to shape their followers' morals, ethics, self-awareness, empathy, and respect. In the end, they realize that these value-based traits are more important than developing technical skills. People can be guided toward these principles and have a better understanding of themselves in many different ways.

Proclaim your optimism from the rooftops, but keep your skepticism to yourself.

The mentee may approach you with outlandish ideas or goals that appear unattainable. Mentors should provide inspiration rather than drain it from their mentees. Think about the potential benefits of a concept before dismissing it out of hand. The 24-3 rule of optimism is the finest tool I've found for maintaining such an outlook. For years, I've written and attempted to put into practice this strategy, but I've found it quite difficult to perfect. Before criticizing any part of a new concept, let it at least 24 seconds, 24 minutes, or a day of your time to fully sink in. People think that the world prefers traditional failure to unconventional success, so good mentors should encourage their mentees to go for unconventional success.

You should show greater dedication to your mentee than you would to your employer.

We should all strive to keep our most talented employees. It is also important to us that our teams perform well. But the best role models know that real leadership is a responsibility and a service to others, and that the best way to inspire loyalty is to be totally and selflessly dedicated to the best interests of colleagues and workers. Find your mentees' underlying interests as well as their talents. Encourage them to pursue their passion. Outside of work, most of us have reliable individuals like friends, religious leaders, and family members whom we can turn to for guidance and support. Is there a reason why we can't have this kind of trust and cooperation in the workplace? We owe it to our mentees to be more than simply professional mentors in many situations.

Successful mentors know better than to squash their charges' ambitions. A good mentor would advise an employee to go elsewhere if the two of them aren't a good match for each other in the workplace, or if the person has high aspirations but little room for advancement inside the organization. Perhaps they would be more successful in a different position within the company, or perhaps in a completely different line of work entirely.

Mentorship works best when both the mentor and the person being mentored agree to help each other become their best selves. For this reason, the groups and people I look up to most are those that are committed to helping others progress.