The Best Marriage Advice I Have Received in 10 Years of Marriage

My husband and I are celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary this year.

It’s a big year and I have been reflecting back on 2014, the year we were married.

We went on an adventure honeymoon taking our mountain bikes and traveling around Washington State and Oregon to find the best trails.

We rode our mountain bikes around Mount St. Helen and by Canon Beach.

We made a pit stop at The Gorge, a beautiful natural amphitheatre, to see Tom Petty and Steve Winwood.

My husband Jesse and I both love classic rock and it was a great show.

The amphitheatre was full of 30,000 people (mostly our parents’ age!) who were happily partaking in the recently legalized marijuana products.

Now at 28 and 32 years old, my husband and I were too sophisticated for that. We only wanted to have a glass of our red wine we had brought. But we weren’t sure how to bring our wine into the concert grounds.

That’s when we met our neighbour at the adjacent campground who shared that he was a US/Canada Border Security Agent from Bellingham, and that he knew exactly what to do. He offered to duct tape our bladder of wine to his torso!

This is a true story.

We all went into the concert together, shared the wine, and had a great time. The concert was amazing and I’m glad we got to see Tom Petty for one of his last shows.

Ah, memories.

Over 10 years of marriage, and 14 years together total, I have been reflecting on the best marriage advice I have received from one of my mentors Dr. George Pransky.

Dr. Pransky has said that it is vital to expect that your spouse will have moods that go up and down.

The majority of people tend to tie their wellbeing to their spouse. If their spouse is in a good mood, they feel great. If their spouse is in a bad mood, they feel bad too,

This is because we tend to take the mood of our spouse personally, making it mean something about us.

But moods go up and down. It’s a natural part of the human experience.

I know I’m guilty of this in the first few years of marriage. If my husband was having a down day, I would get upset with him. I needed him to correct himself so that I could feel better!

But when we match our spouse in a low mood, and become upset that they are upset, then you have two people in a bad mood which often leads to arguing and more upset and no good comes out of two people arguing who are both in a bad mood.

(If you want to read more about bad moods being natural, check out my article here.)

The better option is to notice when your spouse is in a low mood and to love them through it, knowing that low moods are temporary and they will pass.

And now I see the importance of expressing compassion for my husband during these temporary off days, rather than being upset with him.

It has worked wonders for my marriage and my relationship.

And this also applies to all relationships, with our children, our parents, colleagues, siblings, and friends.

Take a moment now to reflect on how your spouse (or someone else in your life) acts when they are in a low mood.

And when they act this way, remember not to take it personally. Remind yourself that it's temporary and everyone goes through up and down moods.

How can you catch yourself next time they act this way and support them through it with love and compassion?

You’ve got this,

Tracey