A Bad Decision is Better than No Decision

My boyfriend and I arrived at Magic Island, one of the stops when you go island hopping in Boracay. This island is famous for one thing: cliff jumping.

We arrived at around 1 p.m. The sky was gloomy; it was drizzling.

As I was walking on the narrow wood-bridge leading up to the top of the island, a Korean woman, probably in her late 30s, was standing at the edge of the makeshift board just a few feet from the edge of the cliff. She stood still, head bowed, hands clasped in front of her — as if to pray.

She took a deep breath and attempted to jump. But her body didn’t cooperate with her intention. Still, she stood there like a tree. I was afraid that soon she’d grow roots. Her group of friends cheered her on. The Korean tourists falling in line behind her also joined in. After what seemed like forever, she finally jumped. Cheers and applause filled the air, followed by a loud splash.

It was my first time to go cliff jumping. My heart was racing and my stomach was filled with butterflies. I took swimming lessons when I was in college. Although I was never able to get the diving right, I can float, tread the water, and swim. Swimming in the pool, however, is a totally different story than jumping into the open sea. There was a net surrounding the jumping area. A lifeguard was on standby. The bottom of the cliff was also lined with liferings.

Despite my swimming skills and all the security measures, jumping off the cliff seemed perverse, unnatural. It felt like you would voluntarily jump to your death. At the same time, the thought of emerging from the water after the jump seduced me. I knew, despite the salty water, it will taste like freedom.

When it was my turn, I promised to jump right away. I didn’t want to prolong the agony like the Korean lady did.

Carl and I decided to start with the lowest point of the cliff and work our way up to the highest point. We thought that each level would prepare us for the highest jump. We were wrong. Despite jumping the previous four levels, we had to go through the same fear all over again.

I went ahead and took the first step to reach the edge. Time moved in slow motion. I tried my best not to look down. But the sea stretched wider out of the corner of my eye. The water bluer. The world suddenly became so much bigger and deeper. I was convinced that it would swallow me whole.

The moment I reached the edge of the board, I took a deep breath, looked at the horizon, jumped, and screamed. I kept my promise. I didn’t think. I just jumped.

It did feel like the world swallowed me whole while I was under water. But by kicking and fighting, it spat me back out.

I was out of breath.

My knees were weak.

Somehow, I still managed to swim to the ladder.

A smile — a result of a jumper’s high I guess — started to form.

If it were a video game, a trophy with the phrase “Achievement Unlocked” would have appeared.

“You jumped 10 meters off a cliff.”

The next day, when I woke up, I had a palm-size bruise on the back of my arms. I smiled. I wore it like a warrior’s wound.

Carl and I went cliff jumping in August. Since then, I have jumped many metaphorical cliffs as an entrepreneur.

I got promoted to Head of Communications at Veems, a social messagingapp, in June 2015. I had the educational background and professional experience to deserve the new role, but it was still terrifying.

But despite the fear, I welcomed my new role with open arms. I took a deep breath, went to work, and trusted that I can do it. I was very lucky to be part of a team that is nurturing and is also a bit of an adrenaline junkie. We jumped a dozen “cliffs” this year, and we expect to jump more in 2016.

Every time I find myself in doubt, I just jump. I know I’ll be fine anyway. I’ll emerge from the water, swim to the ladder, and get back to the top of the island. Never mind the nauseating fear pre-jump and the bruises post-jump. They’re a very small price to pay compared to the feeling of conquering your fear. Often times, all the doubts will be wiped away as you continue to engage and make decisions.

***This post was originally published on my Medium account on Dec. 26, 2015.