The Best Leaders Should Ask for Help When Needed

I think of myself as strong.

I am someone who can manage much stress. Who can get a tremendous amount of accomplishment in a day? Who can work long hours and pull through in clutch moments? Who doesn’t give up in the face of problems but works tirelessly until they are solved.

I am a leader, and most leaders I know feel the same way. We have to — our companies, employees, clients, and families — they all rely on us to pull through in the clutch. And we do. Sometimes, we can feel super-human in our skilful mastery of pressure, complexity, and accomplishment.

But then, on my way to dinner in New Delhi with childhood friends from school, my car hit a pothole and stopped abruptly. Dazed, bloody, lying in the car, I couldn’t think. Some people nearby came to ask if I was OK, but I didn’t know.

They asked me if I needed water, but I didn’t know. When I eventually staggered to my feet, they asked if I needed to stand, but I didn’t know.

Looking back on that moment, here’s what I did know with absolute certainty: I am very, very human.

As a leader who advocates vulnerability as a strength, I am surprised to realise that I have, somehow, bought into the notion that I need to be superhuman and that any weakness diminishes my leadership.

I see now that it is precisely the opposite. Not acknowledging our weaknesses is counter-productive for two simple reasons:

One, it’s unsustainable. Life inevitably catches up to us, and then, eventually, we must face the inescapable reality that we are human, with weaknesses, flaws, and faults.

Two, it’s poor leadership. Leadership is about connection. People will only follow you, work hard for you, create and risk and sacrifice for you if they feel connected. So here are my questions: Will anyone ever be able to connect with you genuinely, really trust you, and honestly give you their all if you only reveal the parts of you that you think will impress them? How long can you keep that up? How long before they become disillusioned?

In other words, hiding our weaknesses in an attempt to be strong leaders makes us weak leaders. Our vulnerabilities make us most vulnerable when we pretend they don’t exist.

Here’s what’s important to remember: our struggles do not define us more than our successes. You are not weak; you have weaknesses. There is a difference.

And from this place of humanness, which can hold both strengths and weaknesses, we can do the most leaderly thing: Ask for help.

When I eventually got up and stumbled to dinner, I was greeted by concern and support. My friend Kashish got her car, parked my car on the side and drove me to the emergency room. Nitika, Kashish, Raminder, Vishal, and Vinod all came to sit with me at the hospital late into the night.

I was lucky not to be alone that night, thanks to my humanness, not despite it.

And needing help —?asking for help —?is an essential part of being a leader. While I’ve always known this, I’ve also secretly felt that it’s a leader’s job to help others, not to need help.

But that’s a myth. The reality is that leaders who don’t need help have no one to lead. People feel good when they help. They are inspired when they are required. They don’t think less of the people they help. They feel more connected.

I am not superhuman. Nor are you. And that’s not only OK, but it’s also better.

I hope this was helpful to you. Please don't hesitate to reach out if I can help.

Regards, Karuuna Sharma, Your Brand Communications Expert.