The Best of Intentions...

We've all had examples where we've been on the wrong side of a conversation or interaction that we did not see coming. Sometimes, you have the best of intentions when dealing with others but the reality is you have no idea about their situation or circumstance and how it frames their current view of things.

For this story, we delve into the very recent past. I was awoken early last weekend by my spouse who let me know there was a mouse swimming in the pool. Not swimming really, more like struggling to stay afloat. It was about 5 minutes before 7 - right before the pump was slated to come on and bring certain death to the little creature. Those of you that have pools or live around water know that there is no shortage of wildlife that drowns when venturing places they are not meant to go.

As I sleepily went outside I made the brilliant decision to NOT use the pool net to pull him out and simply reached into the pool and swatted him out into the garden with my hand. As I scooped him out he bit my finger and latched on in desperation / self defense and I was left to fling him off into the garden. In my haste to pull him from the pool I created a whole other set of issues for myself - cut hand, doctor visit etc. While I had the best of intentions to save him, he looked at me as a threat and reacted accordingly.

This happens in our day to day lives all the time. We enter a situation or conversation with a colleague, co-worker or family member with the best of intentions only to be met with aggression and angst unexpectedly. As the old saying goes....that escalated quickly!

Here are some takeaways from that experience as it relates to real life interactions with others:

Seek to Understand: you may approach a conversation or coaching session with the best of intentions but failure to take the time to understand the other person's situation or state of mind can result in the conversation going sideways very quickly. By approaching the conversation openly and leaving your bias aside you can help ensure there is a more positive outcome. Too often we enter a conversation or interaction pushing to make our view known and plead our case. By taking the approach to listen more and hence develop a sense of understanding we can help to diffuse what would otherwise be a tense situation.

Know When to Disengage: I've been in situations where an innocent gesture has been met with instant hostility multiple times (if you have teenagers you can relate). All kidding aside there have been times where a simple interaction has escalated quickly leaving me wondering afterwards what the hell happened to get to that point. In the case of the mouse in the pool, I approached it with a view to saving it from the pool filter inlet and the mouse saw it as a predator attacking him - two completely opposite viewpoints in the same interaction! The key in these situations is quickly disengaging and seeking a better time or opportunity to address the issue at hand. In my case the disengagement was flinging him into the garden but that only made the situation worse as his teeth were clasped onto my finger.

Use the Tools at Your Disposal: Too often we rush to address a situation without leveraging others or using tools to make things easier. In the case of the mouse, I could have easily used the pool net to pull him out had I not been too lazy to walk the 40 feet to go get it. The same logic holds true in interacting with others. Use common ground or a trusted advisor to help you gauge how a tough conversation will go. By leveraging help you may not eliminate the risk of a negative outcome but you can certainly numb the intensity of the interaction.

In short, despite your best intentions there are times when you just get it wrong. Learning from your mistakes and making better choices comes with experience - you have to mess things up sometimes to learn how to go about them the right way. Remember that when dealing with others - you may have the best of intentions, only to get bitten (figuratively of course) when you approach them.

Until next time, keep the faith!

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Jim McKay is a seasoned supply chain executive with over twenty-five years experience in leading and coaching others. From the shop floor to the board room to the ball diamond and hockey rink, those who know him know that he has a few stories to share about life and leadership. Through his 'Reflections' posts and 'Reflections of a Workaholic ' publications Jim shares his experience in transportation, supply chain and leadership through impactful and insightful stories that are meant to help and inspire others.

The commentary and opinions in these stories are his own...