The best graduation gift: be a good manager or mentor to our kids

For the longest time, I looked forward to June because I would be glued to the television for four days watching the U.S. Open golf tournament.

When I became a dad, Father’s Day was added to the traditions of June. My daughter Grace has given me 22 cherished Father’s Days to celebrate. She has also given my wife and I a number of other special occasions in June: graduations. These milestones have become more special and significant as she has gotten older: pre-school, kindergarten, middle school, high school and, just a few weeks ago, her graduation from @Muhlenberg College.

For me, this “Dads and Grads” season is particularly poignant. Grace was recently hired by Muhlenberg College to do communications in their Office of Advancement. A little over four years ago she was thrilled to be accepted to her “dream school”; four weeks ago she got the offer letter for what is her “dream job.” Since then it has been a whirlwind: scrambling to find an apartment, buy furniture, get her things packed up and get her ready for her first day of work, which is today.

A new job…a new passage

On Sunday, I realized that this would be the last Father’s Day with my daughter under our roof.

No more knocking on her bedroom door on the weekends to ask her if she’s ready yet for our “monthly Team Pancake Breakfast” at McDonald’s (a tongue-in-cheek reference to one of our favorite lines from the movie “Anchorman” that we have watched well over a hundred times).

I will have to get used to doing the nightly dog walks solo instead of having those Daddy-Daughter talks with her that I so deeply cherish. I will bring my phone at night so we can do the dog walk/Daddy-Daughter talks long distance. I am going to have to figure out how to hold a phone, keep our dog leashed AND pick up the dog poop with a plastic bag...all at the same time.

Like millions of other parents, graduate season is bittersweet. Our home will be quieter and different without Grace’s beautiful bright light filling it on a daily basis, but that’s okay. Graduation season is more than just the ceremony of children graduating from school, it is about them graduating into the next chapter of their lives. Parents have to loosen that loving grip on their children ever so slightly and gently.

So when Grace asked me what I wanted for Father’s Day, I realized that with her job starting just a few days later, the gift I truly wanted was something she was unable to give me.

What I wanted is something every parent wishes for when their child is about to start their first job out of school: that they will have the opportunity to work for good managers, work with supportive colleagues and benefit from the wisdom of thoughtful mentors.

The rites of passage of that first job

At companies all over the world, new graduates are starting that first job. It is probably a culture shock going from the classroom to a career. I vividly remember the uncertainty of my first job; but what was equally unforgettable was my first manager and co-workers who patiently helped me learn, find my footing and enabled me to grow and eventually contribute.

For those of us on the “back nine” of their careers, the process repeats itself when we start a new position or join a new company. Our success is largely dependent on our manager, our co-workers and the people who become our trusted advisors and mentors. Over time, we have the knowledge and experience to navigate the waters of a new job, but a new graduate does not. When you are thrust into the working world, that first job has more anxiety than answers.

None of us graduated from college, grad school or technical school fully-formed. It takes a lot of time, on-the-job learning, real-world experience and support from colleagues in order to find our footing.

I didn’t really think about that too much until Grace’s graduation and job search started getting closer and closer.

We can be someone’s “magical helper”

The famed spiritual author Joseph Campbell described the “Hero’s Journey” as a struggle and transformation we each experience. He notes that if we are lucky, each life’s story brings us into contact with “magical helpers” who provide the knowledge, confidence and advice they need to succeed in their quest.

We have all benefitted from “magical helpers” in our careers. That manager who saw your potential and encouraged you. Co-workers who were positive and supportive. Leaders who inspired you by the way they treated others and conducted themselves.

I look back at my career and at every job I was fortunate to have encountered those magical helpers. Today, I work for and work with people who are not just exceptional at their jobs, but exceptional as human beings.

That is what I want for Grace and for all new graduates: that their first job is positively shaped by inspirational leaders, helpful and professional co-workers, and trusted mentors who can provide wise and thoughtful counsel.

A lesson from Mr. Rogers

I will admit it: I am a softie for Mr. Rogers, the late children’s television icon who died in 2003. His lessons about kindness, decency and integrity are important not just for children, but adults as well…and it even has a role in the working world.

There is a famous video clip when he accepted a Daytime Emmy Lifetime Achievement Award in 1997 for teaching generations of children that they were special and had worth.

He told the audience of television stars and high-powered executives, “All of us have special ones who have loved us into being…would you join me in taking 10 seconds to think about the people who have helped you become who you are? Those who have cared for you and have wanted what was best for you in life.”

During the next 10 seconds, the auditorium was eerily quiet, except for the sobs of the audience who could not choke back the tears. You would think these stars would be jaded and supremely confident; what a beautiful, tender moment to see so many people moved by Mr. Rogers’ simple request.

Mr. Rogers could ask us the same question about those special people who helped our careers, particularly when we were so young and unsure of ourselves. So take 10 seconds to think of the managers, mentors, leaders and mentors who helped you. If you can, contact them and thank them personally. Then, honor them by looking for an opportunity to be a “magical helper” to a recent graduate in your organization.

After the 10 seconds of silence was over, Mr. Rogers said, “Whomever you have been thinking about, how pleased they must be to know the difference you feel they’ve made.”

So on behalf of every parent who has a precious child entering the working world, our one gift we request is a simple one: just be a positive difference in their first job.?

#Muhlenbergcollege, #firstjob, #mentor