Best Foot Forward

I have recently found myself in the job market, hunting for consulting opportunities in revenue assurance and fraud management so my CV has landed at several important desks. If you haven’t got a copy of my polished CV, perhaps you may be overestimating your importance in the new world order. I am just saying.

It is always fun to update the CV. Tweak here, cut there, reword this, and rephrase that. All goes well until you realise you sent your CV and the first thing on it reads: "Curriculum Vitamin".

A few days ago, I found three missed calls on my phone. There was also an email inviting me for an interview. This was a permanent position and pensionable position - I don't get called for those ones often. It would appear my CV, warts, career gaps, typos and all had got the attention of a hiring manager somewhere.

Come the day of the interview and I logged in to the call with minutes to spare. I had taken care to wear a tie and coat. The lower parts of my body were clad in slacks and flipflops. Ah, the joy of post-covid interviews!

Time went by. Nobody was there to admit me into the call. I was considering sending a quick email to confirm if the interview was still on, when I got an SMS asking me to wait.

So, I waited.

After close to an hour, I was admitted into the call.

No apologies for waiting. I figured that the panel thought since I accepted the interview, it is clear I have nothing better to do - they were right. With this hiatus, my days are very long.

After brief pleasantries, it was time for questions. The first one was:

Why should we hire you?

I resisted the urge to respond:

Well, you called me, didn’t you? I would imagine there is a job to be done, and you need somebody.

However, I gave a rundown of how my skills align to the role and how some additional skills that I have would also be good for the organization.

We went through technical questions about risk management. I could see one panellist signing papers as I gave my answers. She would also receive people into her office. Thankfully, she was on mute for much of the time. I imagine she is a very busy person.

Another question came.

You have mostly been working as a consultant and you people are used to working from home, coffeeshops and parks. Here we expect you to be at your desk at 8.00AM and leave at 5:00PM. Will you really be able work with us?

Suffice it to say that at this point I had already decided I don’t want to work in such a place. Too many red flags. It is OK. From the coffee shops I came, and there I shall return if that is where I belong.

However, again I assured the panel that I have spent much of my life enforcing policies so if the policy requires me to be at the office at 8:00AM, I will be there.

A little lying never killed anybody, right?

?