The Best Cold Call Line I Have Ever Heard (And Survived to Tell the Tale)

Look, I’m no stranger to cold calls. I am sure you too must have received many and hung up or bought something. I’ve been on the receiving end of enough to know that telemarketers are like mosquitoes—relentless, occasionally aggressive, and disturbingly good at finding you when you least expect it.

But one call… one call changed everything.

It was a regular Tuesday afternoon. I was midway through pretending to work while actually Googling “how to tell if your plant is dead or just dramatic” when my phone rang.

Unknown Number.

Now, normally, I would have let it go to voicemail, where it would be left to rot like my gym membership. But curiosity (and possibly mild self-destructive tendencies) got the best of me.

I answered.

And that’s when I heard it.

"Hey there! Quick question—if I could help you double your income and lose 10 pounds, would you hear me out?"

I froze. What? DOUBLE my income and lose weight? In one phone call?

I glanced down at the half-eaten cheese muffin in my hand and thought, What do they know?

Before I could respond, the voice continued, "I mean, I can’t guarantee either, but I got you to pick up the phone, didn’t I?"

Damn. That was… smooth.

I had to respect the hustle. Most cold callers fumble their way through a robotic script while I fake a bad connection and hang up. But this guy? He had me engaged.

So naturally, I did what any self-respecting adult would do.

I panicked and said, “Uh… yeah?”

And just like that, I found myself listening to a five-minute pitch about some financial service that I absolutely did not need. But the delivery was so good that I stayed on the line.

By the time I hung up, I hadn’t bought anything, but I did have a strange sense of admiration for this mysterious caller. I even considered sending a follow-up text that said, “Respect. But also, please never call me again.”

So there you have it—the best cold call line I’ve ever heard. Bold, unexpected, and effective enough to make me forget about my cheese muffin (for at least 10 seconds).

I still don’t know what happened to that guy, but wherever he is, I hope he’s thriving… and not calling me.

Have you ever gotten a cold call that was so good you almost considered buying? Please share.