The Best Beginners Guide to Kinky Sex

When it comes to having a phenomenal, fulfilling sex life, one of the golden rules is "never say never."?

Yet some people can't imagine participating in so-called "kinky" sex. But here is the bitter truth most people express interest.

Kink is something that anyone may enjoy and explore, regardless of who they are in their daily lives. We all yearn for intensity, novelty, and thrills.?

You may rejuvenate your sex life and make your relationship a whole lot more fascinating and gratifying if you allow yourself to start cautiously investigating what forms of kinky sex you might love.

If you're ready to explore sexuality that's a little outside the box, read on!

Exploring Kinky Sex

Exploring kink gives you an opportunity for self-reflection, challenge, and personal growth.?

Many people are content to sit back and let life happen, but kinksters don't: they persistently engage their relationships, sexualities, and identities.

Sometimes, it's about getting out of your comfort zone.?

Take a look at rock climbing enthusiasts, competitive triathletes, or ambitious innovators in the business world: some strive to go farther, faster, and deeper.?

When it comes to kinky sex, you don't do it dangling from a mountain; you do it through intense—what some would call extreme—erotic experiences.

Kink can be a private laboratory—a sacred space where you feel safe enough to try new things, push your boundaries, flirt with edges, and conquer fears.?

Because it combines the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual, it can heal old wounds and generate spiritual renewal.

It can deepen your connections and relationships, bringing them a new level of intimacy.

?Kink is a crucible for creativity, vulnerability, perseverance, control, catharsis, and fellowship. Kink is a unique space with room to experiment and see what bubbles up.

Claiming your Kink Desires

You might desire severe, painful, power-infused, consensual sex for various reasons.?

Assume you lead a complicated life in which you must make several decisions and maintain control over your house, workplace, or education.?

It's liberating to have someone who respects you, likes you, or loves you come in and "relieve you" of your power for a few hours by running the show.

Perhaps, for you, gentleness is only part of your story.?

Expressing the power, passion physically, and heat you carry is what links you to your lover and connects you both in a spiritual, emotional way that tenderness doesn't always reach.

Maybe it's more primal: you like to slap people while fucking them with all your strength.

You get rock hard and slippery wet, fantasizing about being tied spread-eagled to the kitchen table, gagged and blindfolded.

Like other kinds of sex, kinky sex releases dopamine—chemicals from the brain that block pain and create euphoria; many people thrill at the rush and high they feel from intense physical sensations.

Kinky sex demands respect and equal voice—even if that's not how it looks when you're in it.?

Fantasizing or craving to be "roughed up" by your lover does not make you a sick or crazy person. You don't need to get cured of anything.

You may require counseling for other reasons, but being offended by someone calling you "a disgusting set of holes" does not always indicate serious, unresolved psychological problems.

On the other hand, being dismissed or denied the things you need and want by your lover is not foreplay—that's abuse.

?How do you Discover your Kink Desires?

The biggest challenge in discovering and naming your desire is keeping an open mind.

Do not judge yourself or think what you want is perverted or wrong; silence the voice telling you you're alone in your desire, or your partner will reject you. Don't apologize for your passion.

Start with what you already know you like: being pinned down while being fucked, say, or squeezing your balls to the point of pain when you come.?

Let your mind wander. In a fantasy, what might come before and after that. Peruse the book and DVD titles that interest you, and visit your neighborhood sex toy store in person or online.?

Remember that online and in porn, there is an endless supply of bravado and misrepresentation.

Don't assume you're supposed to be that bendable, invincible, or stretch that wide—get ideas, feel turned on, or horrified!?

Find reputable websites and educators who can provide intelligent, responsible, and enticing ideas and information.

There are far more "naughty" people out there than you might imagine.?

When you find chat rooms and like-minded people, don't only lurk—engage, ask questions, answer queries, challenge, and listen.?

If you are trying to suss this out in tandem with your partner, the process is similar: each of you discovering and revealing what makes you squirm is half the fun.

Ask your partner to write a list of turn-ons—from the benign to the hard-core. You can compare notes or just certain parts if revealing the whole list is too scary.

Communication and Negotiation in Kinky Sex

It doesn't matter if you are hooking up for a night or a lifetime; the one non-negotiable element is permission—getting it and respecting it.

Remember that you are not a passive vessel if you're on the receiving end of kinky sex.?

Tell your lover if you want something more challenging, faster, slower, started, or stopped. "Oh god, yes!" counts as feedback. So does "Ow, stop, wait. Damn, that's big. Let's try this, baby."

You are not a coward or imperfect for speaking up. On the contrary, you demonstrate that you're a reliable lover wanting intense, connected sex. Nothing will change unless you force it to.

And while it appears that the person dealing with the roughness is in charge, this is not the case. The one roughed up has the last say on what happens and doesn't happen.

If you're doling out the kinky sex, you are not a fucking machine aiming to please only yourself or your lover.?

Start slowly, building up and discovering your own and your partner's desire and tolerance for more intensity.

Your sweetheart may not be able to keep up or be interested if you go from zero to sixty in seconds.?

It's a gift when someone gives herself to you; take your time to explore what's inside.?

This isn't to say that a gradual escalation is always the best option. Throwing someone against a wall and taking what you want is sometimes necessary.

But jumping into it at full speed suits both of you because you have experimented, talked, and listened with clarity and respect.

Conclusion

Starting your kink journey with a leather bodysuit and a whip is unnecessary.

It could be as simple as seeing what occurs when you depart from your usual bedtime ritual and enter a new sex world.

And remember, it's not a huge deal if you try something and decide it's not for you. Allow yourself the opportunity to investigate if you want to learn more.