Best Advice: Break a Man's Leg in Private
Mark Conley
Data Management Channel Leader at Cohesity - Avid Hockey Fan - Audiophile - Appalachian Trail Section Hiker
I started professional life as a wet-behind-the-ears retail sales rep in a 1980's computer store. We sold Apple II's, III's, Dec Rainbows, IBM PC's and a whole lot of other systems long since gone. Read about some of my early days here. I was green back then and very impressionable. One of the best bits of advice I got was not given to me, but displayed for me to learn on my own.
Our group was made up of two different types of salespeople: kids, like me, fresh out of or still in college, and experienced guys. Some of the experienced guys had sold copiers, paper, office supplies, etc. All could have been described as "grizzled veterans".
One of them was a bit mysterious. He could sell and worked from a position of quiet authority. He didn't talk much and had a military background. This guy had a framed quotation on the wall of his office. It read, "You can break a man's leg in private, but don't insult him in public".
You can break a man's leg in private, but don't insult him in public. That short phrase made a big impression on me and has stuck with me my entire career. I've tried very hard to live by it. I've been in too many situations where someone is presenting an idea or giving an update and another person, usually a manager, starts to question, building to a crescendo. Suddenly he pounces and the manager is berating the messenger, telling him his ideas are worthless, that he's not tough enough or that he hasn't done his research. For the others witnessing the beat-down, we cower, glad it's not us. For the messenger, he's embarrassed and humiliated and, believe me, he'll never forget it. I've been that person on the receiving end of a public, verbal assault and it sucks! It's far more effective and builds confidence much better to coach in private, pointing out how things could have been handled differently.
While I'm not advocating breaking anyone's leg, it's always a good idea to give honest, direct, constructive criticism. It's even better to do it in private.
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9 年It works in marriage, too. Teamwork - a united front in public, honest discussion, even disagreement in private.
Director of Human Resources at Computer Resources & Technologies
9 年Very well stated. It is impossible to have a motivated team if they feel disrespected. Private is always best. Great read.
Sr Information Technologist
9 年Ditto to what Chris Surma said !
HYPR is The Passwordless Company? backed by Comcast, Samsung, and Mastercard
9 年Mark, you consistently led our teams that way and its one of the reasons I have so much respect for and loyalty to you. Wise words from a great mentor.
Christian Identity and Leadership Coach
9 年Mark Conley loved this. I think if leaders understood that they will never have loyal relationships that last longterm if they don't correct privately, they wouldn't sabotage themselves so often. It's also bad seed to plant in our own lives. Correct privately multiple times and don't get public unless people are not willing to be humble or coachable.