Best Advice of 2020 - "You fear failure!"

“Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” 

A mentor of mine recently told me “You fear failure!” My immediate response was shy and I calmly nodded my head and agreed. As we got off the phone, I tried to think deeper as to why he was saying this to me.

Why did I fear failure? What did failure mean? I have had success - whatever that means - in the past, why would I not do so in the future? Did I misinterpret what he meant? Why was he criticizing me when I felt like I was already challenging myself? I had lost a parent in the last year, how could I fear failing a job when I had overcome bigger life obstacles? 

I reflected on this throughout the week and I quickly realized something. There was that spark in me… yet again, after over a year, it was back. Someone had told me that I was unable to do something - in this case, fail - which put doubt in my head, but ultimately gave me that push to want to prove them wrong. 

After accepting an offer at the second “real job” I have had post college, these words stuck with me. 

“I am not fearful” I thought as I did training. Now let me tell you - meeting new people, who I don’t know, virtually through COVID from all around the world was actually pretty nerve racking. I was super scared, anxious, and even excited; however I felt like I had something to prove. Throughout the four weeks of training, I drafted and redrafted messages to make sure they were phrased correctly, I messaged people I didn’t know just to introduce myself internally, I asked for feedback on things I knew I was doing wrong and could make me look bad. But I was looking to find someone who would tell me I failed while also trying to perfect my every move! 

I was at my previous role for nearly four years and I had to change my mindset from being in a super comfortable and safe place to stepping up and being uncomfortable. Normally, I would go through the motions of training and on-boarding, keep to myself, and speak when spoken to had I not been given this feedback… but nope, not this time, I had to prove that I was not fearful.

After four weeks of training, I hopped onto one of my first calls in my new role. I was scared and worried of failure. Why? Why couldn’t I just go in to this confidently? My manager had my back, I had prepared, all my resources were set! What was wrong? 

So many thoughts crossed my mind - What happens if they don’t want to do a demo? What happens if they don’t answer these new sets of questions? What happens if I don’t go through the process right? What happens if my manager gives me feedback? What happens? I had done hundreds of demos, small and large, but for some reason, I was still so nervous. I thought I had gotten over the fear of rejection with customers. Had I not? 

Long story short - we had the call and it went smoothly. But somehow, I still wasn’t satisfied with the results. 

After the call, I sat in my home office, also known as the storage room, but we will call it the “home office” during this pandemic. I took a deep breath. I literally asked myself why I would have reacted this way for weeks? And it hit me like a rock, I don’t actually fear failure. If I feared failure, I wouldn’t say “yes” to every random opportunity and learn how to do it later. If I feared failure, I wouldn’t change jobs in a role during a time like COVID-19. If I feared failure, I wouldn’t have willingly invited my manager to hear me land on my face. 

It then hit me - I had lost control of a lot in my life. Having had lost a father, an uncle, and a grandmother all within a year was something I could not control. Having a pandemic occur and being unable to leave the house was outside of my control. Having a lack of communication with my loved ones was outside of my control. Getting an opportunity to fly to Chicago for a dream job to do training in person and having it cancelled last minute was outside of my control. 

I didn’t fear failure but I feared the lack of control - such as my new job - and I wanted to be able to control the outcomes. It was on me: how hard I tried, how many times I practiced my pitch, how much I prepared, and those would lead to my results (good or bad). While I presented on Productivity Mindset at the Sales Success Summit at the end of 2019, I realized I had lost sight of what I was preaching. 

The lesson was not about me “fearing failure” but rather proving that I didn’t fear failure. Now that was what I could control. Reflecting back, this has been the best six weeks of my life! I wanted to engage with new people, ask all new questions, challenge those around me to be better, get comfortable in being uncomfortable, and I have challenged myself every day in ways I never cared to before. 

“Don’t fear failure. Fear the absence of progress.” 

My challenge to you - 

When we do not have the ability as humans to know what is next, we fear the gaps in our lives that are uncertain. I challenge you to take this ever changing time to try new things, fail, learn, and grow. What do you plan on "failing" at next?