Bereavement At This Time

In these times where there is so much uncertainty and people are already isolated from loved ones family and friends.Death of a loved one, whether because of the corona virus or as a result of illness,or other event can leave the bereaved feeling even more isolated – if that's possible. Please don’t feel you have to go through your grief alone, please use the get in touch with supporting agencies on line there is help and support out there .

Corona Virus

Its heart breaking ,that for those whose family member has died in hospital as a result of the virus where there may not be the opportunity to say a personal goodbye and for some to attend the funeral.  If you are in these circumstances here are some ideas that might be useful.

Funerals

Speak to the funeral director, media may be suggesting/ reporting some things but your funeral director will be able to guide you and let you know the facts with regard to your loved one and their funeral. Let the funeral director know who is in your immediate support bubble and who you'll need to be close to , ask them to liase with the venue and to make arrangements accordingly that fit with your needs wherever possible. Touching the casket or coffin can also be arranged with use of hand sanitiser and other precautions , its really just a case of organisation and common sense. If you are isolated ,you could also ask them – in your absence to photograph / record the funeral or to film it live for you so or other family or friends can participate from your place of isolation.

Write a letter to your loved one or maybe there's something else you'd like to leave with them, ask the funeral director to ensure that this is placed beside them.

Keep a vigil at home or in a special place you shared – create a place that you can be quiet in and dedicate to your loved ones memory. 

Journal your feelings – writing can be really helpful. Set aside a time of day to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your loved one this helps to keep the bond and can be helpful in reflection.

Talk ,if you are alone or in isolation keep in touch with family and friends and talk about everything that you are going through, this can help you to make sense of this shocking event. Don’t try to do too much or be too brave, let yourself grieve and share your grief with others. This can be exhausting not only emotionally but mentally and physically.

Dont Rush to do anything , take your time and look after yourself ,

Children

Children are huge multitaskers, they have the ability to listen in even whilst they appear to be absorbed in other things . hey are like sponges absorbing everything and can be protective of adults keeping information they have gained from other sources to themselves and adding their own bits to it, this can lead to them getting a totally misinformed picture of the reality. Check in with your children, ask them what they know, what they think and what they feel. Listen and respond to them in an age appropriate way , always be mindful that they may know more than they are sharing. Give children space to dip in and out but be aware that they have the ability to be completely ‘in’ and by the time you get to the same place they have moved on. Be available to listen and be as honest as you can. Let them know you are still there for them and don't hide your grief from them. Let them see that its okay to be sad and talk about your feelings together. – There’s more information for children and bereavement on my website and in the free e book.