The benefits of pre-planning for “The Day”

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Every living thing on earth has a start and an end.? Plants, animals, fish, our beloved pets, and yes, us humans. It’s universal and inevitable.?

We make plans throughout our lives, such as getting married, moving to a new town, taking a vacation, or buying a home or car.? Basically, our whole lives are about planning, but for some reason, discussing our own end-of-life passing seems taboo, yet nothing could be more important.? None of us have a “crystal ball” as to when our time is up, so the best practice is to pre-plan, which is what this article will delve into.

Why plan?

Annually over 1.5 million people celebrate their legacies yearly, as over 51% of Americans believe that funeral services are one of life’s most important traditions. Planning is more than determining the details of your funeral and cemetery services in advance; it’s about creating a lasting legacy for generations to follow.

To some, this may sound like a difficult conversation. But putting a plan in place is a smart and caring thing to do. With a plan, you’ll reduce stress and financial burden for your loved ones, allowing them to honor and celebrate your life, knowing both the big decisions and the little ones are happening just as you wanted.? With a growing population of over 70 million people aged 60+, over six million families choose to pre-pay and pre-plan their funeral and cemetery arrangements each year.

Planning your cemetery and funeral services can save your loved ones from having to make decisions while they’re grieving, and they won’t have to guess what you would want. Instead of getting bogged down in details (or worse, in disagreement and dissension), your family will be able to focus on celebrating your life.? Making prearrangements is the responsible thing to do.

So, it’s smart to make these choices now with these top three reasons being:

?????? Planning provides a clear road map for your loved one to follow

?????? This provides confidence and assurance that your wishes are followed as you desire, and lastly,

?????? It’s often less expensive to pre-plan your final resting place versus doing so “at need” as cemetery property typically doubles in value every 5-7 years.

Family matters

Your family is everything. So the last thing you’d want is to put them in a difficult position. A time of loss is a time of confusion, but your final arrangements don’t have to add to the uncertainty. The benefits to your family will be real and appreciated, ranging from spiritual choices to financial assistance. From selecting an ideal permanent memorial to designing the service to paying in advance, you can make the day exactly as you imagined it. Your loved ones will know they’re fulfilling your wishes, which also prevents them from making business decisions on the worst and most emotional day of their lives.?

Personal service provides much-needed “closure.”

Funeral and burial services are an important part of the grieving process. For a lot of people, they provide a sense of closure. So, the right kind of ceremony is essential. But it’s difficult to make the service as meaningful as it should in a short amount of time. By making those plans “pre-need,” including choosing songs and selecting readings, you’ll have the kind of service you want for everyone you love. In addition, you can design a beautiful permanent memorial. That way, your family will have a dedicated place to reflect and remember.

How To Start the Conversation

Many of us don’t start the pre-planning conversation until there is a “trigger.”? For some, it could be the recent passing of a family member or friend that reminded us that we are mortal.?

Let’s use the example of Uncle Fred (a true story), who was single with no children but an extended family of siblings and cousins.? We often hear the term, “he passed suddenly.” Well, that’s often how it happens.? In my family, my father had terminal cancer, so we were prepared for him to pass away with dignity at home.? But in Uncle Fred’s case, he suffered a stroke at home.? His wishes were never expressed to his family; therefore, they were starting from scratch to take care of the over 100 items needed to settle his affairs while mourning his sudden passing.? Nothing could be worse.

No doubt, with an unexpected passing, his next of kin was both financially and emotionally unprepared, but the work had to be done. Dividing the tasks, various adult siblings had to find extra hours in their busy day trying to deal with selling Uncle Fred’s house, disposing of his personal property, and contacting creditors, with much of it had to be done quickly.

What was worse, his family was left without knowing if he wanted to be buried or cremated. Therefore, they had to make these difficult, expensive, and time-consuming decisions and worried if they were doing the right thing.? Sound familiar??

Know that there are also two types of conversations.? You could be encouraging a loved one to plan. Perhaps you saw what happened to Uncle Fred's lack of planning and decided that it’s time to broach the topic of your plans with your family. In either case, it's all about approaching the topic with confidence and care. Don't be surprised if discussing final wishes brings up strong emotions. Just reinforce that you're doing this out of love to make things easier in the future.

Conversation starters

Here are a few common reasons people pre-plan. These benefits could help guide your conversation.

?????? Even if it's far into the future, you'll be assured that a difficult time is less stressful for your loved ones.

?????? When everything is determined in advance, families can focus on celebrating life, knowing that their last wishes are perfectly fulfilled.

?????? Planning a funeral can require over 150 decisions, and making those choices now, together, can be an experience that brings families closer.

?????? Some people go so far as to pre-pay, and this is a gift to loved ones because funerals often come at unexpected times. This act unburdens family members from what can be a sudden expense.

Planning Checklist

Because over a hundred details are involved in settling a loved one’s affairs after passing, it feels like there’s an overwhelming number of things to think about for many, but the reward is you know it's the right thing to do for you and your family.

Again, laying the foundation for a well-thought-out plan for you or a loved one takes a bit of time, but it's worth every moment spent. After all, you’ve spent a life collecting memories and making an impact on others, so it’s worth memorializing and telling YOUR story just the way you want with you as both author and director of the show.

Here’s what to do to get started:

?????? Prepare a contact list of individuals who should be notified in a medical emergency or death.

?????? Write an obituary or jot down information you would like included in an obituary.

?????? Decide where the obituary and memorial information should appear.

Choose the type of service you would like, including the burial you prefer, and make those arrangements. You will need to decide:

?????? Cemetery/Memorial Park lot location

?????? Casket type; cremation urn type

?????? Vault or outer burial container which depends on how many “interment rights” your plot has (i.e., do you have one “right” for yourself, or two rights for you and your spouse, or more to be able to include multi-generational families

?????? Type of service: religious, military, non-denominational, or fraternal

?????? The contact details for the funeral home you designate to care for you

?????? Pallbearers, music, flowers, scripture, or other readings

?????? Food/catering choices

?????? Charity to receive donations in lieu of flowers if donations are preferred

?????? Select the speakers and eulogies you want to represent you.

?????? If the casket includes a memory box, which mementos would you like to add to your casket at the time of internment:? a favorite keepsake, special photos, wedding band, baby photos, favorite sports memorabilia, etc.

?????? Decide what organizations or churches will benefit from memorial donations in your name.

?????? Which “customized tools” might you want to memorialize your life, such as photo collages, videos, memory blankets, memory boxes, and other items that can be taken home after the service and provide comfort for years to come.

Arrange and Delegate

The people who know and care about you will be there when needed. You only need to provide them with instructions and important financial details, and then relax.? They include:

?????? Give your Executor a copy of your Will and/or Trust documents. Safety deposit boxes are often opened up long after the funeral during the estate settlement process, but the banks won’t open them for anyone. Any funeral planning documents therein can be of no help to your executor.

?????? Names and contacts are often on our phones, and it can take a court order to open a deceased phone, so be aware that it’s best to have these written down in a safe place as backup.

?????? Make sure your representative has a list of important account information or telephone numbers for retirement plans, insurance policies, investments, bank accounts, safe deposit boxes, properties, preferred law and accountant firms, and mortuaries.

?????? The Social Security Administration will need to be called. If you're receiving benefits such as those from the Veteran's Administration, they should be contacted as well.

?????? Designate a power of attorney to ensure that proper information can be accessed in the event of your illness or death. Make sure a durable power of attorney for health care and a living will are in place so that your wishes are carried out if you are unable to do so.

?????? Make arrangements to cancel telephone and utility services, newspaper and magazine deliveries.? Even social media accounts have to be terminated so you will need the passcodes to be shared.

?????? Ensure that your loved ones have everything they need to fill out the details needed for the death certificate (such as their parent's place of birth).

Pay for:

?????? Cemetery and memorialization services

?????? Make arrangements for pets to find a new home.

Planning A Funeral When Family Is Far Away

As culture and society have changed over time, so have death and funerals. Families often used to live close together — sometimes even on the same property — and family members cared for their loved one in preparation for burial. Today, however, families tend to be more far-flung, and that can be problematic when a death occurs.

It's important for people to feel included after the death of a loved one, even if they can't get there immediately. You might consider embalming, which allows for the funeral to be postponed, or cremation, which allows you to put it off even further.

If you have family and friends all over the US (or worldwide, for that matter) as many of us do here in Hawaii, having a virtual service will allow you to include people who might have trouble getting here quickly. Incorporating the latest technology, a good funeral facility can help far-away families feel included in end-of-life services. A webcast of the funeral allows people to experience it in real-time, whether they're 100 miles away or on another continent. An online guestbook helps people feel involved, giving even casual acquaintances the chance to offer condolences. You can also have a videographer capture the service and arrange for a memorial tribute DVD to be shown and shared later.

Financial relief

Funeral and cemetery services are often an unexpected expense. But they don’t have to be. You can choose to fund your prearranged plans now, such as memorial property, with the benefits being:

?????? The costs will be locked in, and you are ensured a space at your chosen memorial park/cemetery.? Your decisions don’t have to be final (as you can always upgrade in the future). Still, you have secured valuable cemetery property, and if you’ve chosen an appealing property, the value could double every seven to ten years, making it a sound financial decision.

?????? Prepaying for your final resting place is the best way to plan for multi-generations to be laid to rest together, which is best made ahead of time.?

?????? Many cemeteries and mortuaries offer payment plans, which will make the cost more manageable and flexible.

?????? Inflation:? everything goes up, from memorial park prices to funeral expenses.? Preplanning AND pre-funding make financial sense.

In closing

William Gladstone said, “Show me the manner in which a nation or community cares for its dead, and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender mercies of its people, their respect for the laws of the land, and their loyalty to high ideals.” An unknown author said, “When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.”? Perhaps one of these will resonate with you to take action, as every life has meaning and deserves memorializing.?

Have that (hard) conversation.? It’s easy when it comes from your heart with love and respect.? You can do it – heck, even Barbie is having the discussion!?

I’m always a phone call or e-mail away to discuss how pre-planning can provide tremendous peace of mind and clarity, knowing that all will be well WHEN that day comes.

Mahalo,

Pamela Whitfield

Family Service Advisor

Valley of The Temples – Oahu, Hawaii

425-443-1669

[email protected]

www.valley-of-the-temples.com

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