The benefits of looking for positive intent.

Our brains prefer it when we live in a simple world, where people that love and support us are “good” and people that do something we dislike are “bad”.

?Okay - perhaps that's a bit extreme. But even though the vast majority of us are not consumed by evil thoughts towards other people, we might still struggle to regard other people’s experiences as important - or as valid - as our own.

When it comes to emotional intelligence (EQ) - having regard for others is about respecting people for who they are. We do not have to like or approve whatever they do - but if we restrain from making negative judgments, we can often get more clarity around our own thinking and become more open to other viewpoints.

In this article, I’ll be exploring why we have a tendency for perceiving other people less favourably than ourselves and why it’s important to resist that temptation. I’ll also outline some ways we can develop our regard for others that offer immediate value.

The negativity pitfall:

The challenge with developing a healthy regard for others is that we are hardwired with a negativity bias where we are more likely to focus on people’s less desirable qualities. The reason we pay more attention to ‘the bad things’ in general stems from evolution and early human history where being attuned to negative threats could literally be the difference between life and death.

But even in the present day we are often conditioned to be suspicious of others’ intentions. For instance, seeing ourselves in a positive light often becomes easier when we choose to see other people in a more negative light. This can play out in terms of how we view our motivations in comparison with others - especially in the workplace. Hands up anyone that has told themselves that my colleague is only working hard because they get paid - whereas I’m working hard because I actually care!

Things can become harder still when we disagree with someone’s opinion. It is a lot easier for us to rationalise our own perspective and we often have to force ourselves to acknowledge that someone disagreeing with us might have a legitimate reason for their viewpoint. More often than not, our brains take the easy route here and it does not take much effort to come to the conclusion that the other person has some major flaws in their thinking (or just isn’t quite as smart as us).

Looking for the “bad” in others doesn’t do us any favours:

Having a low regard for others often bubbles to the surface as having a quick to judge attitude. The problem is that this will often alienate other people. Ultimately we stand to lose out if we display this type of characteristic, as people will be less likely to want to share new opportunities with us.?

We should also remember that when we judge, we invite judgment from others. In essence, if someone else gets the feeling that we don’t see much good in them, they are going to be less likely to see the good in us.

When we make a conscious effort to see the good intentions in others it can help us to develop trust - and research has shown that people who lead with trust at work score higher on a range of measures including job performance and commitment to the team.?

Ultimately, reprogramming our brains to resist the urge to immediately see the negative in someone else and cast judgment, serves our own best interest. But how can we go about doing it? We need to start reframing both our assumptions of others and the questions we are asking them.?

Let’s explore how we can start doing that.

Reframing our assumptions:

It is important to recognise we have all experienced at least one occasion where we have struggled to articulate ourselves clearly and as a result have had our good intentions interpreted as something less favourable - even when we are doing the best we can to avoid that.

Brene Brown says when we come to the realisation that we are not alone in trying to do the best that we can, it becomes a lot easier to see the good intentions of others.

You can try out the following exercise to start putting this into practice:

• Start by thinking of someone that you find yourself judging unfavourably and consider what it is about their choices or behaviours that annoy you.
• Ask yourself: “What is the most generous assumption I can make about this person’s intentions?”
• Consider whether this has changed the way you feel about them.

When asking that question as part of a leadership exercise with her clients, Brene found that they often experienced a simple, but powerful transformation in their thinking, where they stopped evaluating people solely based on their expectation of them and instead started respecting them for who they were and what they were trying to achieve.Reframing our questions:

Understanding what people are trying to achieve becomes easier to do once we have some clarity on the personal values that matter to them. Values fuel our reasons for doing things and having clarity on someone else’s values makes it easier for our brains to start seeing where the other person is coming from and can help to explain where they may behave in a way that is different to us.

We can collect important data about someone’s values by using small talk as an opportunity to ask insightful questions that pull both parties out of an autopilot-style conversation. Check out this LinkedIn video we posted recently to find out why asking someone “What was the highlight of your weekend?” can be the catalyst for better understanding what motivates them and improvising your knowledge of the positive intentions that are shaping their behavioural choices.

The key takeaways:

It is important to highlight that having regard for others does not mean we are choosing to be naive or ignorant to destructive patterns of behaviour that cause us harm. If we know a relationship has become toxic then we need to make steps to remove ourselves from it.?

Instead, regard for others means we enter our interactions with respect and curiosity. Looking for positive intent can help stop our brain going down a rabbit hole of reinforcing an initial negative perception of someone that ends up narrowing how we see things.

EQuip yourself:

Exploring ways to increase your regard for others by deepening your understanding of people’s intentions and behavioural choices is a key part of EQuip’s coaching and training approach.

Find out more by visiting our website at www.equip-ct.com.