The benefits of eye contact, and how much I once hated it.

When's the last time you looked someone in the eye?

I learned a lot from my parents.

As a young girl, they'd say, "Look someone in the eye when talking."

I don't know about you, but looking someone in the eye made me uncomfortable.

Perhaps I was afraid of being seen. Maybe I was afraid that my emotions might take over. Even in college, I had a hard time looking professors in the eye when asking questions. I remember giving presentations or speeches and scanning the crowd instead of stopping my gaze. My confidence wasn't fully there.

Not anymore!

Now I love sharing eye contact .. seeing each human for who they are.?

One of my favorite moments of eye-gazing happened during my TEDx talk. Standing on stage, there was a man sitting near the front right of me. My talk on forgiveness clearly made him uncomfortable. It's a pretty vulnerable speech, so I get it! But the more I spoke and felt his presence, the more I tried to catch his gaze and speak a little love with my eyes. It happened! We shared a moment, and afterwards he came and talked with me.

Eye contact brings us closer together. It creates personal connection, even if only for a mere second.

But did you know that eye contact helps on a psychological level?

Here is how:

Catching someones gaze helps you recognize their emotions. Holding eye contact with another human means holding space for their feelings and what is happening. A 2017 study determined that humans analyze others' emotions by looking in their eyes.?

We build honesty and trust.?We've been told that liars don't keep a gaze. In my own personal experience, this isn't true. And now studies have confirmed that people who lie don't avoid eye contact any more than honest people do. When looking for truth or honesty, take note of your baseline in the relationship and pay attention to changes in eye contact. If they never avoided eye contact before and for some reason they do now, that's a red flag. Honesty and truth builds trust.

Holding gaze creates intimacy and connection. If you can imagine this, one study found that holding eye contact with a stranger for two minutes "increased feelings of passionate love for each other" and increased likability. There's an emotional bond that occurs when we hold gaze with one another.?

So, my friend, start holding gaze with others.

In business. In personal. In life.

Even if it's far outside your comfort zone, try it for a mere second.

As many of you know, I was home for a few days as my beautiful mama recovers from an injury. Before I left for the airport to return to LA, I held her face in my hands, looked her in the eyes, and said, "I love you. Call me and I promise, I will fly home in a moments notice." The words are one thing. But the eye contact says, "You can count on us."

As my dad handed my bags to me at the airport, I stopped and lifted his sunglasses. Looking him in the eyes, I said, "Thank you for taking care of mom. Make sure you take care of you, too. You're doing a great job." Sure, the words were important. But the gaze landed the words in his heart.

Give respect, love, comfort, and understanding not only through your words, but through your eyes, too.

Vulnerability is a beautiful thing. It's a sign of strength that each one of us could use a little more of.

I promise you, it works.

Share your thoughts in the comments .. I'd love to hear from you!

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I believe in you / us .. always.

xo

Sara