The Benefits of Conflict
Brian Gast
President, Quadrant Corp - Executive Life Coach, Team Alignment and Facilitation
The word “conflict” often carries negative overtones in our culture, with implications of hostility between parties, and even a military feel. A list of synonyms for this simple word only amplifies this feeling: clash, fight, dispute, strife, struggle, combat.
With such a negative value placed on such a simple word, is it any wonder that an entire industry has grown around coping with conflict; an industry which literally created the problem and now offers the solution, known as “conflict resolution”?
And yet, healthy conflict is always a step on the path to intimacy and real connection.
Consider a more neutral definition of the word “conflict”, which is merely, “A state of opposition between persons, ideas or interests.”
When conflict is a good thing
When you remove the powerful negative value placed on the word, when conflict becomes merely descriptive rather than prescriptive, a noun rather than a verb, disagreement can become the path to understanding. When we focus more on the data and different perspectives, and less on the fear of rejection, hurt or our need for approval or to be right, we increase the chances that we can express ourselves with compassion and respect and hear and comprehend the reasons for the other’s perspective.
This leads to increased communication, which is always a good thing, as well as a greater sense of understanding and increased empathy for the other person’s beliefs, needs, and wants. Just as you would want them to respect your opinion enough to grasp your point of view, you should seek to do the same for them, instead of letting your need to “be right” interfere with appreciating their viewpoint.
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Whether in a business or personal relationship, disagreements naturally arise. If you see these situations as opportunities for increased understanding and improved connections, rather than personal challenges, you will have a much better understanding of why healthy conflict is a necessary step on the path to intimacy.
What difficult conversation are you avoiding? What on-going challenging relationship do you need to approach differently in order to deepen the connection?
* If you like this article, please Like, Share, and/or Leave a comment. You might also like my previous post https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/why-avoiding-conflict-creates-brian-gast-2c/?trackingId=QiJL7KMzRQWCL17qNLIOhw%3D%3D
* Experienced Human Resources Professional Assisting Transitioning Service Members Bridge the Gap Between Military Excellence & Civilian Careers * Veteran & Military Spouse Advocate *
1 年I've always thought of brain-storming as a type of "healthy conflict" as you described above. Do you have a suggestion on how best to handle those who become defensive and/or passive aggressive when you are attempting to create positive conflict in order to drill down processes, best courses of action, etc. In other words, playing devil's advocate to see where the gaps, conflicts, or deficits in proposals are for strategic decision-making.