Beneath the surface: HSPs at work

Have you ever been called "too sensitive" or "quiet" at work? Or, has anyone told you that you "mumble"?

Do you prefer calmer, quieter, more predictable environments to boisterous, chatty, chaotic ones? Do you choose to work from home more often than most of your colleagues? Have you chosen to freelance, or build your own small team, instead of being employed?

Do last-minute meetings, ad hoc team drinks, and snap decisions make you feel significantly uncomfortable, even nervous?

Do you usually listen more than you speak? And do you genuinely enjoy deep listening?

Have you got lots of good and actionable ideas, which only you know about?

Do your friends (and colleagues) regularly come to you to confide, confess, or share?

Have you ever been told you can "read minds"?

Would you rather concentrate hard on a long project than have a day filled with little "bits" of work and lots of chats?

When you are following a narrative, story, or chain of events, are you seldom surprised by how things work out?

Do you find it easy to identify and avoid people who are unhealthy or unsafe for you?

Are you the person people come to if they want some depth or perspective on a matter or person?

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Why am I asking these questions? Well, for a few reasons:

a) The best way to get to know someone is to ask them a question, especially if that question is a bit of a surprise to them - I'd really like to get to know the readers of my newsletter...

b) I'm wondering how many you will say "yes" to - please feel free to let me know, elaboration is recommended...

c) Because a "yes" to any one of them could mean you are a highly sensitive person (or HSP), and that's something I love exploring...

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The Sensitive One newsletter will bring you lots of information about high sensitivity and neurodiversity, every month. It will also ask lots of questions, with the aim of encouraging you to contribute to discussions about high sensitivity and neurodiversity in general. I believe that there is no progress without reflection and discussion, so please join in and add your remarks, links, resources and/or experiences to the mix. I am learning and will continue to learn, and I am absolutely not going to call myself an "expert" on anything except my own experiences.

Of course, this is a LinkedIn newsletter, so it needs to focus predominantly on the world of work, but where high sensitivity and neurodiversity is concerned, the working world can't easily be separated from any other sphere. In fact, I doubt if that's possible for any of us, whether we are typical or divergent. And we are all more self-aware about this, post-pandemic.

Why bother talking about high sensitivity?

a) For those of us who are HSP, it's frustrating when the trait gets mistaken for (or mixed up) with shyness, fussiness, introversion, anxiety, depression, being anti-social, a trauma response, not being a "team player", and many other things besides. These are all things to explore deeply, take seriously, and support people with, and of course they are not mutually exclusive with being HSP (I speak from experience), but it's important to separate these aspects from the trait of high sensitivity. Because that is what it is: an intrinsic, unchangeable trait... with some challenges and some advantages.

b) I strongly believe the world could do with more sensitivity at the moment, rather than less. We need more depth and insight, as opposed to more surface-talk, assumptions and polarization. Once sensitivity is understood well and leveraged thoughtfully, at the right time, it is a strong antidote to: misinformation, impulsivity, negativity, bullying, narcissism, compulsion, ignorance, bigotry, fear, false judgement, narrow-mindedness, cowardice, and mistrust (amongst other things). How many of those aspects have you spotted in the feeds on your "socials" this week? If you've noted none, congratulations, I am in awe - and please tell me/us how you've managed that... ;)

c) Not many HSPs volunteer to be centre stage, although statistically there must be a significant number of HSP politicians, actors, public speakers, CEOs, managers, activists, etc. It's totally possible to be extrovert and HSP, or simply an HSP who's worked on being more "public" and has mastered it somewhat (more on both these things in a future article). Nevertheless, most of the HSPs you know will be identifiable by the fact that they don't usually ask to be given lots of (or sometimes any) attention. They can be hard to "see", but they are really worth getting to know, especially at work. For all sorts of reasons.

d) It is wonderful to see so much healthy dialogue emerging about neurodiversity at work. Now, I am no expert - I am highly sensitive, a parent of an HSC (again, more in a future article), and a writer/speaker, but I am not a researcher, scientist, therapist, or teacher. However, I wonder if high sensitivity belongs somewhere in the neurodiversity narrative? I've met a few people who think being highly sensitive is something a person can change or "snap out of", and that is just not true. So, perhaps it needs to be embraced more fully, starting with discussion, sharing personal stories, describing how the trait plays out in reality, and figuring out how best to use it to everyone's advantage... It would be great to hear from anyone who is an expert in neurodiversity and listen to what your opinions and findings are on this point.

If there is one thing which I believe unites all HSPs, it is our love of depth.

We adore asking questions (even if they stay inside our own heads), and exploring possible answers (usually leading to more questions). We like to think and reflect before we speak or respond to someone/something. We dislike aggression and unkindness, but are not afraid of conflict, if it can be carried out more thoughtfully, and over a longer period of time. We are good at proper eye contact, even if we've had to learn how to do it. We often prefer to focus on one thing and master it, before moving on to the next thing (unless we are also "sensation seekers", or have a neurodiversity, such as ADHD - more in a future article). We are friendly, but we choose quality over quantity when it comes to friends, jobs, homes, holidays, projects, wellbeing, etc. We like looking at and understanding the context for events, interactions and outcomes. When we believe in something, we can get all intense. We can predict the plots of films and books, but we are not plot-spoiling types. We feel our own feelings and those of others around us deeply. When we listen, we really listen, and that's often what we like best.

Why bother talking about neurodiversity?

I don't want to answer this question, because by now it should be obvious to anyone who reads and is curious about the people around them that neurodiversity is real, difficult, wonderful and confusing - plus many other things besides. It's a fascinating thing to talk about, so the question should actually be: Why are we not talking more about neurodiversity?

And why am I writing a newsletter combining high sensitivity topics with discussions around neurodiversity? I'm wondering if high sensitivity is a gateway to discovering your own neurodiversity. I think this is how it has happened for me - quite slowly, over 5 years or so of reading, asking questions and exploring (by myself and with other people). So, maybe I'm not alone. And maybe there are lots of other people out there with similar experiences to share, not to mention wisdom we could all apply - at work, and elsewhere.

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If all this intrigues you, or is ringing lots of bells, please let me know your thoughts, ideas, feedback and questions and I'll do my best to respond to all of them.

For more information straight away, dip into one or two of these websites and articles...

For stories from HSPs and those close to them, as well as tips and hacks, Q&A sessions, and links to helpful resources:

For the definitive in-depth guide to the HS trait, look to the lady who first coined the phrase: Elaine Aron. She has been researching and writing on the trait for more than 3 decades, so her work is the best place to start. Elaine's site has descriptions, a self-test, and multiple links to relevant and up to date studies on everything HSP - her videos are lovely to watch too. Elaine is the HSP Yoda...:

An excellent article containing advice for HSPs at work, as well as clear evidence for why being highly sensitive is an asset, for the HSP, and for those they work with - spoiler, many books are about to be published on this subject in 2023:

And for those exploring past trauma who are HSP, Patrick Teahan's video is a kindly resource - his other videos are super helpful too: