Belonging

During my inaugural speech, you heard me use the initials, “DEIB.” By now, everyone is familiar with what “DEI” stands for, diversity, equity and inclusion. But what about the “B” at the end?

The “B” stands for belonging, the optimal result of any effective diversity, equity and inclusion program in an organization. To illustrate, let me start with a brief story. Once upon a time, there was a young boy who was given the opportunity to go to sleepaway camp for a month one summer. The boy had never been away from home for any length of time and certainly never without his parents. From his earliest memory, he had always been the shortest kid in his class and had been, from time to time, made fun of because he was different in that way.

When he arrived at the camp, he was assigned to a bunk with a bunch of other boys his age and two counselors. After saying hellos to his new bunk mates, the boy saw out of the corner of his eye that the two counselors were whispering together in the corner. Soon after, the boy was asked by the counselors to come speak with them outside. They led the boy into the woods far away from the cabin where the other boys were and told the boy that they were going to reassign him to another bunk with younger kids, because the boy was just too small, that the group was going to be playing a lot of sports, and that they wanted to win. They left the boy crying, alone in the woods, feeling rejected and hopeless.

Eventually, the counselor from the bunk with the younger boys approached and, after the boy had a chance to pull himself together, led the way to the new bunk. “Oh boy, a whole new group of boys to make fun of me,” the boy thought. But it was not like that at all. The boy (now the oldest of the group) was welcomed by everyone in the bunk (including the counselors) and became involved in all the group’s activities. The time at camp passed quickly, and while still homesick, the boy felt better and, most important, that he belonged to the new group. At the end of camp, the boy’s bunk played softball against the original bunk (with all those tall winning athletes) and the younger (and smaller) boys prevailed, much to the boy’s satisfaction.

The author, Brené Brown wrote:

A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.

Fostering a sense of belonging for all members of an organization is essential—if people do not feel that they belong, then there is something wrong and everyone loses. Here are a few ideas to help this bar association continue along the path toward achieving this laudable goal.

1. ?? Collect information about member engagement.

Metrics are extremely important. Without a baseline and follow up, we will not have any idea whether improvement is being made. To that end, the diversity committee is working on an anonymous survey that I hope everyone will feel comfortable to participate in, and which will give us a baseline to measure our progress.

2. ? Create an environment for social and professional interaction among members.

As we move away from the pandemic lock down, we have started to have more and more in person networking and social events, CLEs and committee meetings, while still providing some of these events in a virtual format, in recognition of people’s schedules and varying degrees of comfort in interacting live with others. Having augmented my journey at this and other bar associations via committee work, I can tell you that committees (and engaged and effective committee chairs) are key in promoting engagement by our members. Rhetorical question: who is going to have a better experience at the holiday party, someone who shows up once a year for that party only, or someone who is involved in a committee that meets monthly, attends, and participates in the smaller pop-up networking and public service events that are scheduled throughout the year?

3. ? Listen, then Support and Encourage others.

Most of us have experienced “imposter syndrome” and have faced anxiety, depression and other mental health issues due to questioning our own abilities and worth. These issues can come from a feeling of not belonging to a group and also contribute to that person’s self-destructive belief that they do not belong here or anywhere. This is where mentoring, both formally and informally, can be helpful, particularly from members who have greater life and professional experience.

Mentors come in many forms. I always found it helpful when someone with more experience at something than me shared their stories of failure, mistakes that they may have made, and how they coped with or even overcame them by using them as opportunities for growth. Sharing those experiences does not diminish us, it makes us more relatable and human.

It is much easier to help someone if you learn from them about where their interests lie, how they want to grow, challenges they may face, etc. Of course, we can’t force people to share. But we can’t learn anything if we are always speaking. Create space for others to share. Ideally, ask an open-ended question and then get out of the way.

Our mentoring circles program is an attempt to bring people of all backgrounds and levels of experience together in small groups. Everyone’s perspective has value, and we discuss everything, whether it be professional ethics, mental health, marketing, etc. If you are interested in joining one of our circles, please reach out and we will welcome you with open arms. Our committees on attorney well-being and public service are just a few examples of the many avenues at your disposal to get involved and make a difference in someone’s life (and maybe even in yours).

As for bar leadership, we are trying to foster a culture of identifying and recruiting new talent from diverse backgrounds and creating pathways for that talent to be the next generation of leaders. We are always looking for people who want to make their lives and those of their communities and their profession better and are willing to do the work to make that happen.???????????

4.?? Admit our Mistakes, Take Responsibility for Them and Commit to do Better. We all make mistakes and our mistakes, even if not intended, may offend someone and cause people to feel disconnected, unimportant, or disrespected. In cases where this happens (and I certainly have been on both the giving and receiving end), it is always preferable to apologize unconditionally and sincerely, take ownership of the mistake and make a commitment to those who you know you offended to be better in the future (and mean it). Most people will understand and be willing to forgive. That is how trust is built, and it is a (perhaps the) pillar of engagement and belonging.

And if you see someone standing by themselves at any event, not talking to anyone and looking bored and/or uncomfortable, think about that young boy at camp that I discussed earlier. Engage them in conversation, invite them to join the group of people you are involved with and make introductions all around. You never know. That lonely looking individual may become your friend, a partner, a business referral source or . . . even the President of the bar association.

What are your ideas to make the WCBA more inclusive and that would make you (and others) feel like you belonged? If you have an idea and would like to share, you can always contact me at [email protected]