Belonging in the path of safety.

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We all want to feel safe.

We all want to belong in our personal sweet spot – protected, nourished, feeling at home.

Sometimes we may stay too long in a place where it feels safe(-r), ignoring the fact that this is an illusion, a bubble.

Sometimes, however, we deliberately step out of that comfort: to avoid boredom and complacency, or to learn something – new skills, a novel social context, new cultures. (This motivation is associated with the desire for discovery and it brings a boost of dopamine - the "I want more" hormone).

When our target is achieved we feel satisfied. Not for long, though. The more we crave a reward, we the more of it we pursue. Learning can be like the Swiss chocolate. That more you eat (ie. learn), the bigger the awe... and the more you want more. I know many who have built entire careers by becoming a life-long learner, testing out the new territories. Sometimes thriving, other times barely surviving.

Stepping out of our comfort zone does not mean jumping off an imaginary cliff with an umbrella instead of a parachute.

Stepping out of our comfort zone can still feel safe. The target can still be far-reaching, yet it is best to be equipped with a safety net. A helping hand of someone who has been on that path helps. The helping hand of someone who? has walked that path before and who knows the hidden ways to reach the destination.

Have you ever been in a driver seat, traversing throughout a new city without a navigation gps system? Most of us, of certain age, yes. The experience, the memories associated with it, can vary. The context is always different. At least one of two scenario can happen.

One: arriving safely for the first time, either a co-pilot sitting next to us, knowing the way, who conveniently navigates us through the road signs. Aw! Sigh of relief.

Two: experiencing series of challenges, road constructions, traffic blockages, detours, accidents – forcing us to engage the flight-and-fight alertness. Uf! Sigh of exhaustion.

Now, imagine your attitude the next time you are meant to arrive to that same destination. What would be the memories and emotions associated with it? How they would? paint your perception and expectation of that future trip?

One: confidence, safety, pleasant anticipation of another achievement.

Two: stress, fearfulness and avoidant thoughts.

This simple example illustrates how our past experiences define what is "safe" or not - uniquely for each of us. Our past experiences shape our perception of the future. Here, we consciously know why our attitude would vary. We personally have experienced two different circumstances. We even are able to distinguish what were the determining factors and learn from them for the future.

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Our beliefs and attitudes are often crafted subconsciously. We don’t even think of a specific event that has defined it. We operate on an autopilot. We engage our biases with all the best intentions - to save our mental energy. We assume that our feelings and attitudes are as they are. They must be based on some rational reasons, right?

Another daily scenario.

We enter a room occupied by loud speaking people that we don’t know. The voice in our heads could tell: “You are a shy introvert and have nothing in common with these noisy people. You don’t belong here”. (A fearfull and defensive response).

If we don’t question this, don't enquire where is this bias coming from, we may believe that voice. Then our way of approaching others will be soaked in avoidance, resistance and self-protective mechanisms: "I don't belong here."

Now, imagine entering the same room full of strangers, telling yourself: “I am here to find out what gives these people such an outspoken vibe. Yes, I am an introvert, but I want to build relationships – personal or professional – that will matter and nurture me." Or else: “This could be my future?tribe. I want to check if I can belong there.” (You reconnect to your aspirations, your purpose).

Repeat the above sentences to yourself out loud.

Do you hear the difference?

Do you feel the difference?

Both of them are out of your comfort zone. Yet, your body hears these thoughts and responds with competely different attitudes.?

Belong in your purpose.

Pursuing new learnings in the state of belonging is more fun.

Your landing zone becomes protected.

#belongingmatters

I am Aga Sieradzka: Coach for Belonging and Growth.

I am writing about why belonging matters - for the growth of individuals and organizations - and what are the “A to Z” elements that formulate the individual sense of belonging.

I am on the mission to normalize the language around belonging – especially when the situation we step in doesn’t serve us, when it doesn’t serve our purpose. When the internal voice whispers “I don’t think I belong here”, listen to it! - this is where the opportunities for growth are hidden.

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Global Expertise and Service Offering:

?? Executive and Life Coaching: Experience Belonging and Growth

?? Book Author "The Alphabet of Belonging"?

?? Speaking Engagements: "Why belonging matters”

?? People & Culture (HR) Strategy Consulting: World of Belonging (and how to get there - from A to Z).