Belonging to ourselves - What's mindfulness got to do with Inclusion?

Happy #Pride Month! I've been sitting with this beautiful quote (paraphrased from Frank Ostaseski because I don’t remember his exact words) as I reflect on the kind of world we would like to live in...

To belong to others, we must first belong to ourselves.?

This inner work of inclusion is necessary, just as external and systemic changes are imperative. Because when we learn how we meet our exiled or marginalised parts or aspects of ourselves, and can offer ourselves safety and belonging, then we open our hearts to others and can offer them the same.

A personal example - recently I was ill for a couple of days and noticed how quick I was to ‘abandon’ myself - choosing distraction and shutting down (through sleep) to get through the discomfort of those two days. I was not keen to stay with the discomfort, let alone offer heartfelt care and concern. I took on a rather distant and functional tone - “Ok, body, you just do what you need to get better… in the meanwhile, I’ll just distract myself or zone out until you feel alright again.”

Disconnection from ourselves means disconnection from others. That shutting down to myself is akin to turning away from the pain or challenges faced by marginalised groups. But when we can open with care, inner capacity and balanced presence, then we can turn towards hard truths and discomfort. This could be the first step towards welcoming and including all.

These experiences are what led me to create Inclusive Dialogue with Brian Henderson (he/him) . Through Inclusive Dialogue you will:

• Be part of a group that is safe and offers belonging
• Model Inclusive behaviours through group agreements and mindful dialogue
• Develop presence and deep listening so that we can belong to ourselves and others
• Learn how we can get familiar with and move through discomfort and difference as a path to Inclusion and connection.

Previous participants shared how they found it very personal, even spiritual because “the mask could come off”. On a practical level, we get better at not jumping to conclusions or avoiding awkward conversations, we can meet people that we are not familiar with or know much about with curiosity, and we learn to create groups and cultures of safety.?

Personally, as I learned this mindful dialogue technique and have been practising this alongside individual Mindfulness practice, I am more able to allow and care for my own experiences. And I find opportunities to listen and seek out the stories of those who experience marginalisation, even when I've felt scared, sad or uncertain.

My eyes have been opened as I’ve learnt from trans and gender-diverse people and athletes, colleagues and speakers with disabilities, people who experience homelessness, or when I’ve been overtaken by blind runners and their guides at races. My heart is both sore and uplifted. And each time, my world is a little fuller because of it.

I’ll end with a sincere invitation to you - please do join us for Inclusive Dialogue. In the words of one of our previous participants, “belonging is a ladder built on the foundation of safety and basic needs”. This is not a given in the world we live in, but we can create and experience this together in Inclusive Dialogue.?

Sending you wishes for a summer of joy, restoration and good health!?

P/S It’s going to be a busy summer - join me for more opportunities to learn and practice Mindfulness and relational Mindfulness!?

* June 22 ICF HK Happy Hour (free online session) - Pause and Relax - a relational mindfulness experience?

* July 1-2 weekend Mindfulness Retreat (at Fa Hong Monastery, Lantau Island) - suitable for beginners and those who have not attended a retreat before - details to follow!?

* July 17 Inclusive Dialogue 6 week program (online)