Believing Change Can Happen

BELIEVING CHANGE CAN HAPPEN

96TH In a Series

By Jackalyn Rainosek, PHD

Introduction

I think the very worst position each of us can get into about all the stressors we have experienced is to give up and think that nothing is going to change. We can build a case that every item on the list of Mind-boggling Stressors in my article #95 or the video simply cannot change. I encourage you to read or hear #95 (Read the article : Mindboggling stress or Listen to the video: Watch Dr. Rainosek explain this) before reading the rest of this article.  I know if you and I refuse to see the small, incremental steps that people are taking to show change is happening then we are going to miss the opportunity to see moments we can feel appreciative of. Besides these small steps do make a difference. 

American history which has been divisive

I have started reading more carefully, since I need to identify the small steps that people are taking. I encourage you to stop reading just the headlines, since they can be deceptive, limiting, and prevent us seeing actions that are being taken. Besides if you look at American history, we have always had differences of opinion, and some periods of our history were more disturbing than others. “Our deep divisions date from the original sin of chattel slavery. White supremacists, conspiracy theorists and right-wing militias have stalked American history, from the Ku Klux Klan to the John Birch Society to the Oklahoma City bombing...Most Americans opposed intervening in World War II after the Nazis swept across Europe, most Americans disapproved of the civil rights movement as it was happening, and the space race was controversial because of its high price tag” (Time Magazine, “A House Divided,” February1/February 8, 2021, p.32, left column, paragraph 5.)  The reality is that as citizens we moved through these events, learned more, saw how some of these differences could threaten our democratic process, and then we changed our minds and supported the actions that supported the democracy of our country.

There is something I know about the psychology of human beings. The impulse to choose sides starts at an exceedingly early age. As human beings we look for safety and that means joining a group that supports our beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. Whether we like it or not joining these groups is often fed by fear of the unknown or we want to protect our beliefs. We feel concern what we believed is not true and we were wrong all along. Sadly, some people want to think their idea is better than anyone else’s and we have the us vs. them thinking. These traits can get so ingrained that people are impossible to reach, since they cannot hear something different that might cause them to question their beliefs and attitudes or some of the people that are part of their chosen group. Admitting they are wrong is the worst thing that could happen, so they keep shouting, arguing, or demeaning anyone that does not believe the way they do. Fear takes over and they stay locked in self defeating behaviors and thought patterns. 

Where do I see a future based on peoples’ actions?

I ask each reader to start seeing where people from different parties are taking action to support our democracy and move us forward. I know it takes guts, courage, and commitment to a higher order of conduct that has led people from both parties to say there are certain things that go beyond reason and sanity, and no matter our previous behavior there comes a time where these behaviors must stop. President Biden has “addressed the reality gap head-on. ‘Recent weeks and months have taught us a painful lesson: there is truth and there are lies, he said, lies told for power and for profit. He called on fellow leaders to defend the truth and defeat the lies.’” (Time Magazine, “A House Divided,” February1/February 8, 2021, p. 32, left column, paragraph 3). 

On the same page 32, in the Time Magazine article in the right column, paragraph 1, “many Trump supporters, of course, did stand up for the rule of law in the bitter aftermath of the election: the Republican lawmakers who certified the results in their states, the local officials who refused to bend to Trump’s pressures; the conservative judges who threw out baseless lawsuits; the GOP members of Congress who risked their political futures to vote for his impeachment, and the many who received death threats in response.” Please take time to read their stories. 

Conclusion

There are some people we will never be able to talk with since they are unable to hear another point of view. I do know a member of the Ku Klux Klan and Neo Nazi that have left these organizations. I have met and heard them speak about the organizations that they have formed to help people move out of these groups and other groups that are far right-wing and racist. These individuals can speak to the members of these groups, since they have been where the members are, and know what it is like to have left these groups.  

My message for each of us is to read very carefully and read many resources for our news. We have to process through our feelings of anger, disappointment, and fear so that we can talk with people that may have a difference of opinion from ourselves. We have to invest in patience and willingness to do what we can to hear the other person. When we meet people, who are different from us; yet are willing to talk then we need to set some guidelines that we will both adhere to that will allow us to talk with each other and learn from each other. What are some of the guidelines? We agree that we will be honest with each other; yet, as we talk, we will communicate with respect. Allow ourselves to ask questions of each other and not argue points. Make an effort to hear the other person. Practice valuable communications skills such as listening and when the person speaking has finished show respect by repeating, rephrasing, or stating what we have heard them say to see if we have understood them. When we are speaking think about how we say things; yet, in our communication see how we can leave openings to have further conversations with the individual. Realize this kind of conversation takes time for people to want to stay in the discussion to build meaningful relationships. Practicing respect, humility, and gratitude that they are willing to talk with us, and know that some things may not change, since each of us have different points of view. Ultimately, find out who the person is and what things can we see that we might have in common. Search out how we can be of value to each other. Ask these questions of ourselves: Who are we, what are our values, how do we behave, and what are our attitudes that form the core of our being?

The articles that follow are going to address the various items I put in article #95 or any that you send through the survey, by email or comments in LinkedIn or Facebook. I will do my best to talk about ways we can face issues and determine more ways to address Covid-19 and the pandemic. I will present ways that I hope will lessen the stress in your life, deal with the difficult topics of racism and the other ISMs and understand how to work with and process through emotions.

I have a group that meets twice a month on Tuesday nights that is helping people to learn more about our American history, and then see how current day events are impacted by our history. This group is $40 a month for the two sessions for an hour and a half each. I invite you to go to our website, www.dtp-leadership.com, and look at the possibility of joining this group. If I have enough requests, I will provide a three-hour program in March that provides a 25-page notebook, and many ways to lessen the stress that will cost $45.00 for the three hours. We will need 22 people or more to offer this program. Please email me ([email protected]) and let me know what would be most helpful to you.

#change

#focus

#direction

#reading

#multiple resources

#jackalynrainosekphd

#mindbogglingstress

#incrementalsteps

#people

#changedbehavior

#democrats

#republicans

#unity

#conversations

#americanhistory

#differenceofopinion

#disturbingevents

#timemagazine

#ahousedivided

#rightwinggroups

#supportdemocracy

#process feelings

#wwII

#oklahomacitybombing

#civilrightsmovement

#spacerace

#differentparties

#enoughisenough

#addressrealitygap

#defendthetruth

#defeatthelies

#standupforruleoflaw

#certificationofresults

#refusetobend

#baselesslawsuits

#impeachmentvotes

#deaththreats

#memberswholeave

#readcarefully

#processanger

#processdisappointment

#invest

#patience

#willingness

#guidelines

#respect

#questions

#communicationskills

#commonalities

#showvalue

dtpleadershipgroup