Believe in Yourself First. Girrl.

Closing the Confidence Gap

In a world that often equates confidence with competence, women are frequently left questioning their own abilities. Despite being equally or even more capable, many women hold back, waiting until they feel "100% ready" before stepping into opportunities that could propel them forward. This hesitancy isn't just a personal hurdle—it's a widespread issue known as the gender confidence gap. But here's the empowering truth: this gap can be closed, starting with the most important person—*you*.

The Gender Confidence Gap: Why It Exists

The confidence gap between men and women is well-documented across various fields. Men are more likely to overestimate their performance, while women often underestimate theirs, even when they are equally competent.

This difference in confidence doesn't stem from a lack of ability but from a mix of socialization and societal expectations, including open or hidden double standards . From a young age, and continuing in social and professional environments as adults, girls and women are often encouraged to be careful, modest, and risk-averse, while boys are praised for being bold and assertive. These experiences shape how women perceive their abilities and their willingness to take risks, affecting their career trajectories and leadership potential.

Why Confidence Matters

Confidence isn't just about feeling good—it's about taking action. Research by Niederle and Vesterlund (2010) reveals that women are less likely to enter competitive environments, not because they lack the skills, but because they doubt their own abilities. This hesitation can significantly impact career progression, as leadership roles and high-impact opportunities often require a strong sense of self-assurance.

But confidence is not an innate trait; it's a skill that can be developed. One powerful example comes from Katty Kay and Claire Shipman 's The Confidence Code , who found that men tend to apply for jobs when they meet only 60% of the qualifications, whereas women wait until they meet nearly all the criteria. This shows that confidence—or the lack of it—can directly influence whether or not we seize the opportunities that come our way.

Building Your Confidence: Practical Steps

1. Find Your Role Models and Mentors

Having role models who inspire and mentors who guide can make a huge difference in how you see yourself. According to Lori Beaman , Esther Duflo and others, women who are exposed to female leaders are more likely to aspire to leadership roles themselves . Seeing someone who looks like you in a position of power can reinforce the belief that you belong there too.

2. Adopt a Growth Mindset:

?“What you can’t do, you can learn.” Embrace the idea that your abilities can be developed through effort and learning. Carol Dweck ’s research on growth mindset shows that when you see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than threats to your identity, your confidence increases. Instead of thinking "I’m not good at this," try "I’m not good at this yet."

3. Negotiate with Confidence, and with a different approach:

Negotiation is an area where women often hold back, partly due to (the realistic ) fear of being perceived negatively. Bowles, Babcock, and McGinn (2005) suggest that women can improve their negotiation outcomes by changing the way they approach these situations. Training and preparation can make you more comfortable and assertive when asking for what you deserve. Note however that women who do negotiate confidently and ask for what they need will often be punished for violating a social norm, see for example compiled evidence in The Authority Gap by Mary Ann Sieghart .

It takes a new approach that balances the tightrope that women face. Wies Bratby has specialized on coaching on this, for example, and 'How Women Rise' by Marshall Goldsmith and Sally Helgesen also provides women-specific pointers on negotiation.

4. Challenge Stereotype Threat:

Stereotype threat—the fear of confirming negative stereotypes about your group—can undermine confidence and performance. Steele and Aronson (1995) showed that when individuals are aware of negative stereotypes, it can affect their performance. Combat this by reminding yourself of your strengths and surrounding yourself with supportive, empowering environments. Tip: You can also prime yourself on positive stereotypes (evidence for example here and here ) to effectively counteract this. (PS This has nothing to do with self-serving bias .)

5. Practice every day:

Confidence is a muscle. Leibbrandt and List (2015) found that women who participate in training programs that focus on soft skills like communication and negotiation are more likely to step into leadership roles. Building these skills not only enhances your abilities but also boosts your confidence to use them. Also, Jeffrey Pfeffer 's work on power provides some very clear rules on projecting confidence. These can be practiced every day, building the muscle.

Believe in Yourself First, Girrl

Believing in yourself is the first and most crucial step in closing the confidence gap. It's about trusting that you are capable, even when you feel uncertain. Confidence isn’t something you wait to magically appear—it’s something you actively build, day by day, through your actions and mindset.

So, the next time you find yourself hesitating, remember: the world needs your voice, your talents, and your leadership. Don’t wait for the perfect moment or the perfect qualifications, or even less: to be nominated by someone else. Believe in yourself first, girrl, because you have everything it takes to succeed.

Yours sincerely,

Rebekka

PS What occasion to practice confidence have you observed, and how have you done it? Please comment below.