Believe Your Bad Experiences Happen For You

We have all had things that happen in our life that we detest and wish had never happened.

The ones we love sometimes die early, or maybe we have an accident that leads to disastrous outcomes, or some other terrible catastrophe befalls you or a loved one.

It’s horrible but it’s a part of life that we have to deal with or manage somehow.

Some of the worst incidences that impact on us most, are the occurrences that happen without warning and are least expected.

When these ‘bad’ things happen in your life it is natural that you ask yourself: why me? Or why did something awful happen to someone that you love?

You flail around emotionally and search for answers, something...anything to make sense of what has happened, but rarely do you find anything.

Eventually, tired of going round and round in your head and getting nowhere, you reason that it was just one of those things that life throws at you, that you’re destined never to make sense of.

Nevertheless, it continues to hurt and gnaw away at you, because you have to find a reason, something that provides you with meaning; without which you feel destined to drift on endlessly cursing your fate and misfortune.

But what if...and just humour me for a moment here...what if the real meaning – the only important meaning is the one you choose to give it?

And what if the thing that’s really key – despite how awful whatever happened was?- is the decision you make, that flows from the meanings you attribute to the events in your life?

I know. I know it’s a different way of looking at things!

But you see the thing is, you can choose to attribute whatever meaning you want to, to the events that occur in your life.

The choice is totally yours!

The point is you have options, you can choose to blame god or fate, you can go round in circles chasing your tail never getting anywhere, or you can decide to give it a meaning that serves you, or inspires you in a meaningful way.

If you choose the latter option, you may one day wake up and decide to realise that even the things that we experience as bad, happen for us, not to us.

Shortly after becoming a qualified social worker, I was allocated a case.

It was a horrendous case, in which the father later killed his child.

I will always remember the expression on her face.

I was inexperienced, and completely out of my depth at the time. My practice was poor, and I was totally ineffective and unable to either protect or save the child’s life.

Then, although traumatised by the tragedy and the events that had occurred, I had to attend court to give evidence.

That was another huge trauma I was subjected to, because I was totally unprepared for what lay ahead. I couldn’t answer the questions that were fired at me one after another, like bullets that were killing me slowly. The best I could do was stutter and babble incoherently.

I could see and feel the disdain from those cross-examining me and the gaze of incredulity from the judge. It was a nightmare I would not wish on my worst enemy.

But because of it, I made a decision that greatly fuelled my learning. It enabled me to deal with my traumatic experience, master my fears of court and cross-examination and propelled me to write books on the subject.

What happened to me was horrific at the time and I hated every moment of it. But I choose to believe it happened for me, as opposed to, to me.

And I believe that the really important thing is: not what happens to you, but what you do, with what happens to you, that makes all the difference in your life!

Put simply, you cannot change what happened, but you can decide to make something worthwhile, bear fruit from it. ?