Being yourself..

The motivation behind this article came from a conversation with my daughter about the previous articles I have written. I asked her if she had read them and she replied “I have skimmed through them and will try and read them if I find some time”. That led me to ask myself a question…What sort of article would be of interest to my two teenage children? Upon reflection, it struck me that the sort of advice I would give them as a Father, is very similar to the advice I would give someone seeking guidance in their career. If there is one piece of advice I would give my children about the here and now and also their future it is, ‘BE YOURSELF’.

I was born into a single parent working class family and never had what you would call a privileged upbringing, but I was never short of love, and the self-belief that my mother instilled in me from my earliest days. Mum always taught me that I could be anything I wanted to be and do anything I wanted to do, as long as I worked hard to achieve it and was true to whom I am as a person. That conviction has guided me throughout my life and is what I offer to my children when they seek advice from me. I can recall one time that I disregarded this advice; when I had my first girlfriend. I alienated friends who I had known for years and in the end, the relationship broke down, I couldn't be what she wanted. What is any form of relationship if you base it on falsehoods and not being yourself? Looking back I realised just how much I changed as a person, I ended up losing friends and not being me.

So here is the advice I give to my children; and as I mentioned earlier, it can be applied to anyone of any age and is particularly relevant when considering your carer and future. Be yourself and in doing so remember some key things:

• Be true to yourself - Don't be afraid to be different, the people who truly stand out in life are not the ones that follow the flock, but the ones who forge their own path and learn from the experiences along the way. In saying this, you don’t need to be purposefully different, but know who you are and be that person.
• Observe and learn - None of us have all the answers, but what we can do is learn from others, both positively and negatively. The way we raise our children or treat our teams is often guided by our personal experiences as children or team members. Embrace those learning opportunities and seek every chance you have to learn more and build yourself as a person. As long as you are developing yourself and sticking to the core principles which drive you then you will advance.
• Don't become what you don't want to be - This is a slight reversal of the first point, but I feel it necessary to reinforce. By following the crowd and not being true to yourself you risk creating internal turmoil, doing what you think is expected of you and not what you want to do. Diversity is a key component of life and embracing differences enriches your life and broadens your perspective. I had a phenomenal experience of this studying for a Post Graduate Diploma in Organisational Leadership at Oxford, last year. There were so many wonderful people on the course, all different and all with different perspectives.
• Don't sweat the small stuff - There are things you can control and there are some you can't, learn to spot which ones are which and focus your energy accordingly. The most important thing that you can control, is who you are as a person. If you want to grow and develop, work on it; identify the way you can grow and invest energy, effort and if needs be money.

So how does this apply in a career setting, surely we have to be what our bosses want us to be in order to progress? I suppose that depends on who your boss is, in my career I have never worked for someone that has hired me because they wanted me to change as a person. I have been asked to approach things in a particular way, sure, but if I haven't agreed with it or I have had an alternative approach, I have always found a way to communicate that in a respectful manner. Sometimes there will be heated conversations, it's human nature, if you're not prepared to have a bit of healthy debate how are you going to stay true to yourself and your beliefs? If you feel that you have to fundamentally change who you are to progress, then ask yourself what are you giving up as a person to move forward. Maybe the changes are positive and you feel that it is worth it, but if you feel what you need to do requires fundamental shift in you as a person then you need to think is it the right thing to do?

So reflecting this advice I would say there are a number of things that I feel are important to remember:

• Always be yourself - no matter whether it is a personal or professional setting, people will respect you for being who you are and expressing your own opinions, even when they differ from others. 'Group think' mentality is the enemy of creativity and the ability to express yourself, what you believe in is a skill worth working on. Don't follow the crowd, forge your own path.
• Allow others to be themselves - embrace diversity of thinking, culture and expression, we learn from others and others learn from us. If you expect everyone to agree with you and won't listen to others input then you are stifling your opportunity to grow as a person.
• Compromise and adaptation - are essential parts of the ability to be yourself, that might sound a contradiction, but if you cannot compromise and cannot adapt then how can you grow as a person. By working with others and developing solutions that provide win:win outcomes you will grow as a person and have developed yourself personally and professionally.
• It's not easy - everything in life that is worth something needs to be worked at, it is so much easier to follow the crowd than stand out, it is easier to follow the path of least resistance than take a stand. But the people we look up to the most are the bravest people and have been prepared to do this, they don't compromise on their beliefs but they are prepared to accommodate and work with others.

This article is dedicated to my Mum who has always been an inspiration to me and it is written for Madelyn, Benjamin and Elliott, my wonderful children. If I can inspire them as much as my Mother has me, then the world is their oyster.