BEING THERE FOR YOUR TEEN – THE SIMPLE ART OF “HOLDING SPACE” (PART 1)

I was blessed to have been raised by parents who were emotionally aware. I always had a keen interest in observing, reading, and healing others. I guess I picked up this quality from my parents and have been breathing and living emotions ??. Years of self-study and personal experiences as a healer, a mentor and a confidant kept making me more aware and has enable me to walk hand-in-hand, not just with my two sons (now young adults), but also with my parent clientele. Each parenting journey is unique and there has been tremendous ongoing learning for both me and them.

One of the common and frequent mentoring objectives I have with parents is about supporting them to understand and manage teenage tantrums. Parents come to me with a request to mentor their teenager. However, they are in for a shock when I tell them to engage in mentoring first before their teen. If they agree, we begin. But if they do not agree, we exchange pleasantries and part ways. Expecting miracles and changes in their teen only with an hourly session a week is unrealistic and near to impossible. What is possible is a change in behavior and mindset when the family together joins hands and works towards defining and implementing the changes top-down. (Else, it will lead to disappointment and a waste of time and money).

The most important but unintentionally ignored fact is that we can only change ourselves. If we wish to see changes outside of us, in others or in outcomes, there is something that needs to change in us first. I am talking about the ‘INSIDE-OUT’ approach and we all need to adhere to this principle to manifest the change we desire.

This principle resides in ‘Holding Space’ – a space in which we can make room for ourselves and our teen.

So, what is ‘Holding Space’?

Imagine holding space like having a safe, comfortable spot for your teenager to share their thoughts and feelings. It's creating a zone where they can be themselves, no matter what's going on. This space is filled with love, understanding, and patience – the kind that helps them navigate the ups and downs of teenage life.

• It means providing emotional support, understanding and a non-judgmental presence for our teenager.
• It means being present. When your teenager needs to talk, put down your phone, turn off the TV, and give them your full attention. Sit together, hug if needed, and show that you're there in the same room and on the same wavelength.
• It means having an open heart. When your teenager feels overwhelmed, sad, or angry, let them express those feelings without judgment. You don't have to fix everything – sometimes, just knowing someone cares, is enough.
• It means understanding that your teenager is figuring things out. They might make mistakes, and that's okay. Holding space means allowing them the room to learn and grow, even when they stumble along the way.

Let me share same basic routine examples of ‘Holding Space’ shared by parents in their mentoring journey:

Why Learn About ‘Holding Space’?

Holding space for someone, especially for teenagers, comes with a range of benefits that contribute to their emotional well-being and overall development. Here are some key advantages of holding space:

An Interesting Read:

Recently, I came across an informative age by age guide for what to expect from kids and teens. It gives insights on important developmental stages and the difficult behaviors that might come with them. Along with the behavioral insights, the article also defines the support children and teenagers need from their parents. This support is ‘Holding Space’.

KEY TAKEAWAY:

• Holding space is not about being a perfect parent – it's about being a present and understanding one. It's about creating an atmosphere where your teenager feels loved, heard, and accepted.
• In essence, holding space is a powerful tool that allows parents to nurture their teenager's emotional and psychological growth, fostering a resilient and confident individual. It establishes the groundwork for a healthy, communicative relationship that extends beyond the teenage years.
• So, as you navigate the seas of parenting, remember the simple art of holding space. It's a gift you give to your teenager, a place where they can always come back to, no matter what storms life may bring.

YOUR VOICE MATTERS:

I invite you to share your reflections and insights. Feel free to respond to the reflective prompts given below. Your experiences may inspire and resonate with others. Let's learn and grow together!

REFLECT AND ELEVATE:

1)????? Reflect on a time when holding space for your teenager deepened your connection. What specific actions or words made that moment impactful, and how can you incorporate more of it into your parenting approach?

2)????? Consider a challenge your teenager is currently facing. How might holding space for them, without judgment or immediate solutions, strengthen your relationship and support their journey through this difficulty?

3)????? Think about your own emotional landscape as a parent. In what ways can practicing self-compassion and holding space for your own feelings positively influence your ability to hold space for your teenager?

#parentleadership #leadership #emotionalintelligence #culture #communication