Being Your Authentic Self: Do You Have The Disease To Please? 9 Ways to Get Rid of It!

By Jan Sargent

There’s nothing wrong with being nice, helpful and kind to people. Nothing at all. But there are times when it really gets out of hand. For some people, trying to please others becomes a ‘Disease to Please’ and is a sign of something more deeply rooted.

For many people, ‘‘The Disease to Please’’ i.e., the eagerness to please others, stems from issues around self-worth. They hope that by saying yes to everything and everyone, people will like and accept them. Some people with ‘The Disease to Please’’ have been on the receiving end of poor treatment over time and have made the unconscious decision that pleasing others is the best way to get better treatment.

It is quite a common ‘disease’, so if you have the ‘disease’; don’t feel you are alone. Far from it. But it’s exhausting isn’t it? That feeling of constantly needing to please people. Whether it’s your mother-in-law who keeps coming round at inopportune moments and you don’t feel able to say anything for fear of upsetting her and your other half. Or whether you keep taking on more and more projects at work in the hope of keeping your colleagues and boss happy. But, actually, you seem to be getting loaded with work and nobody seems to be grateful for it. They don’t appear to notice that you are slowly going under with the overload.

So how do you know if you have ‘‘The Disease to Please’’? You probably are suffering from it if:

You feel you have to agree with everyone

You often apologise

You feel responsible for other people’s feelings

You can’t say no

You feel burdened by the things you have to do

You feel uncomfortable when someone is angry with you

You act like the people around you

You need praise to feel good

You go to great lengths to avoid conflict

You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt

Many people pleasers confuse being kind with pleasing people. They will often say ‘I want to be a good person’ or ‘I don’t want to be selfish’ or ‘I don’t want others to think I’m lazy’. Unfortunately, this can often lead to others taking advantage of them.

9 Ways to get Rid of ‘‘The Disease to Please’’:

Realise you have a choice

People pleasers frequently feel like they have to say yes when they are asked to help someone but, remember, you have a choice. And you can say no.

Use an Empathetic Assertion

Eh what?! This means putting yourself in the other persons shoes and understanding their position but stating, assertively, that this time you are unable to help them.

Don’t give lots of reasons why you’ve said no

Giving lots of reasons why you’re saying no gives the other person wiggle room to undermine your reasoning and put you under pressure to agree to their requests. Keep your ‘no’ simple and empathic but assertive.

Start small

We learn through a process of small steps forward. Most change comes through small decisions and small and incremental changes. So do the same with this. Say no to small matters first and as you feel comfortable with that then start tackling the larger issues.

Don’t say ‘sorry’

Those with ‘‘The Disease to Please’’ often say sorry. Try to catch yourself when you’re about to say sorry and consider whether this is actually something you are at fault for. Chances are you’re not.

Set clear boundaries and stick to them

We all have physical and emotional limits and because of these we need to set our boundaries. Ask yourself what you are willing to do and set your boundaries. Allowing people to step over your boundaries without saying anything and then bottling up your negative feelings will lead to frustration which could then lead to an outburst or damage to the relationship. Instead, tell people what you are thinking and what you’d like to happen.

Don’t be scared of what will happen when you’ve said no

Those with ‘‘The Disease to Please’’ are often worried that once they’ve said no, the result will be catastrophic.?But the reality is, the effect is usually nowhere near as bad as we thought it was going to be. Mostly, other people aren’t thinking about the matter anywhere near as much as you and it’s more than likely to be a reasonably small deal to them.

Appreciate that you can’t be everything to everyone.

People pleasers want to make everyone happy all the time - but that’s simply not possible. People who set boundaries around their time and energy and don’t say yes to everyone understand that they can’t make others happy. It’s worth remembering that the only thoughts and feelings you can change are your own.

Recognise when you have been successful

Many people pleasers tend to focus on and worry about what went wrong rather than looking at what went right. By keeping a journal of the times when you were assertive, or you didn’t apologise, you will be able to see that there is a growing ability around keeping to your boundaries. This should help your confidence and assertiveness around your boundaries, needs and wants.

What do you think? What have been your experiences around ‘The Disease to Please’? Do you have any tips for getting rid of ‘The Disease to Please’?! Do let us know in the comments below.

If you would like some help in ridding yourself of the 'Disease to Please'

then get in touch. I’m Jan Sargent and all my contacts are listed below and on the website www.fitmindhappyheartcoaching.com . Just give me a call and let’s get started.

?What do I do and how can I help YOU?

Are you ready to reach your full potential and create a Positive and Purposeful Life? With the help of Jan Sargent at Fit Mind Happy Heart Coaching, you can do just that!

Using my core model; ‘The Three Pillars of a Positive and Purposeful Life’ (‘Mastering Your Thinking’, ‘Being your Authentic Self’ and ‘Doing it The Best Way’), I can help you unlock your limiting beliefs and discover your true core values.

I offer coaching, mentoring, therapeutic tools including hypnotherapy, and my expertise as a confidante. All of these work together to help you understand yourself and the world around you and figure out what works best for you.

And just remember. Although I'm a personal coach and cognitive behavioural hypnotherapist based in the UK, Somerset (near Yeovil), the world is our lobster! With the wonders of modern technology I mostly work with clients online so distance is NOT a problem!

?In fact, there are many benefits to YOU when we get to work together online.

No travelling time, fuel costs or car park fees to go to a physical consultancy room. You can work with me from the comfort of your own home, or an office space (obvs not an open plan office...) or indeed in your car if you're not in your normal location or on the move. Or maybe in the open air somewhere. The possibilities are endless. All you need is a good and stable internet connection; a space where we will be uninterrupted and privacy so you can talk freely.

So, don't wait any longer! Take the next step and contact me today to get started on your journey towards your Positive and Purposeful Life. Visit www.fitmindhappyheartcoaching.com or call one of the numbers listed below and I'll take it from there!

[email protected]

or calling

?+44 (0)7770 904179

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