Being true to yourself can set you free

I still remember my first panic attack. I was 13 and felt like there was a ton of bricks on my chest?–?I couldn’t breathe. I remember at the time thinking it must be asthma. I recall feeling remarkably ok about having asthma. And then I was told I had anxiety; the thoughts in my head went somewhat like this:

• So, are they saying I am making this up?
• Does that mean I am crazy?
• People can’t find out, like, EVER. Otherwise, they will think I am weak, and this will hurt my career.

Yes, these were the thoughts in my head?–?at the age of 13.

20 years later, I’m pleased to say I have come a long way. I exercise every day and meditate, as I know how helpful it is. I actively practice gratitude and talk about anxiety openly with my friends. Yet, until recently, I always found it challenging to talk about anxiety at work, not because I worried about what people would say, but because I was concerned about what they would think, but not say. And, as I was always pretty high functioning, I thought there was no reason to open up to anyone about it. So, I avoided having any kind of conversation.

And then, a year ago, I started working at L&G. People talked openly about anxiety, or having a rough day, as if it was nothing more than a headache. So, I decided to open up, own my experience, and start the journey towards being unapologetically myself. I realised that just because I have rough days, that doesn’t mean my contribution is any less important. I have also realised that being open about the moments when I am not at my best, shows more courage and strength than trying to pretend everything is always fine.

But it has also made me reflect on what we, as individuals, can do to support others when they are talking about anxiety. These don’t have to be big gestures. They can be small adjustments in the way we talk and think about anxiety in the workplace.?

I realised that just because I have rough days, that doesn't mean my contribution is any less important.

Ask questions, don’t make assumptions

When I told my manager at L&G that I suffered from anxiety, she didn’t say, “I am so sorry.” Instead, she asked “What does that look like for you?” Although, saying, “I am so sorry”, may seem like an empathetic response, it assumes that anxiety looks the same for everyone. It doesn’t; it is incredibly individual. Some people genuinely suffer and find it debilitating, others have learned to manage it. Some people find it affects them at work, for others, it occurs more in social situations. By understanding each person’s unique triggers, you can tailor your response to their individual needs, and recognise that it might not create a challenge at work for them every day. That way you empathise with the person’s reality, rather than with any assumptions you might make.

Don’t treat people any differently, unless they explicitly ask you to do so

For many with anxiety, being seen as weak is their greatest cause for panic. So, no matter how well meaning it is to attempt to shield people, unfortunately it can reinforce their worry about being perceived as weak, and that will only increase their anxiety. Instead, ask people to be explicit about what works for them, make them feel safe and give them the right support. But equally, be open to the possibility that they would prefer to manage this by themselves, without your support. Don’t assume having anxiety, and depending on others for support, always go hand in hand.

Encourage people to feel empowered to say ‘I am under pressure and need time off’

In most companies, it has become very common to say we need time off due to burnout. But the reality is, we shouldn’t wait for it to get to that point. We should be actively taking steps to prevent people from getting there. It should be ok to say, “My morning is clear of meetings, and I had a very intense couple of weeks, so I am taking some quiet time”, without having to say explicitly, “I don’t feel ok.” Work is a marathon not a sprint, and we need to recognise that being productive is not about ‘always being on’, rather it’s about finding ways to switch off, without feeling judged, or feeling like switching off is only reserved for when you are on your last legs. Put differently, we never think twice about putting in extra time, so why is it so hard for us to do the reverse, and take time back, without having to ask for permission, or provide an extreme excuse, such as being on the verge of a breakdown?

I encourage you to pick just one of the above suggestions and see how this shift in mindset helps you, and those around you, to change the narrative around anxiety and mental health. You are not broken for feeling sad or anxious today, or any day. There is nothing wrong with you. And if you think about it, there are probably lots of things your anxiety has taught you, including patience, empathy, and compassion. You are not weak. You are just you?–?and that is more than enough.