On being righteous

A friend of mine was sharing about a challenging time she’s going through with her autistic teenage daughter. Her daughter had completely stopped talking to her. It was heartbreaking even to hear about. I couldn’t imagine what it was like going through it.

I asked if she wanted to chat to my mum about it. Mum’s a child psychiatrist (a brilliant one, by all accounts) and is generous to a fault and always happy to talk.

I teed it up with mum and sent a text to my friend … and crickets. Nothing. Not even a reply.

I was indignant. Really? You’re not just not replying to my text, you’re messing my mum around too.

I drafted a righteous text in my mind to that effect.

Then I took a breath. My friend is incredibly generous. Super present when I’m with her. Humble. Loving. And unreliable. She doesn’t like any type of conflict, and only replies to texts about 50% of the time (and email about 10% of the time).

I already know all this. So it’s not actually surprising then that I didn’t get a reply. So rather than calling angrily, I just checked in. Turns out things have improved with her daughter.

I’ve heard my teacher Maharishi say that when we think someone had done the wrong thing, it’s actually more honest to say that that’s not what I would have done in their place. Big difference.

PS. It’s been a huge year in so many ways. I wish you and yours a happy and safe end to 2020, and a very happy new year. Be gentle with yourself and those you love.