Being Right Is Not What Is Important

When we believe we’ve been wronged, we often want to prove to the one who’s created the hurt or betrayal, just how wrong they are. Rather, the focus needs to be on forgiveness when the desire to forgive takes precedent, the need to right dissipate, opening the door for a more conscious and healthy connection.

I don’t like to be wrong. How about you?

Are you someone who wants, even needs, to be right most or even all of the time? Are you the one how likes to have the last word in a disagreement? Do you get frustrated when others may not agree with your opinions? Unfortunately, I have, much more often than I’d like; however, after noticing this, I have been able to make myself aware of this to correct it. Working to correct this has allowed me to have more meaningful conversations, even when referencing conflicting topics, such as politics.  

Being right is overrated, especially when it comes at the expense of being kind. Fundamental in the need to be right is the desire, consciously or not, is to put ourselves above others, to make them wrong to appease our insecurities and our ego’s desire.

There are so many healthier decisions we can make than the desire to be right. Here is a list. 

When we find ourselves locked into the need to be right, whether in an argument, a discussion, or a casual conversation, let’s call on our hearts to integrate the following five virtues.

1.     Openness

We can’t always agree with each other, so we should stop trying to be. It’s OK to not have the same opinion as someone else. In fact, how do we learn if we surround ourselves with people that think the same as us? This doesn’t mean everyone who disagrees with us is wrong, or that we’re always right. When we give up the desire to be right, we communicate and listen on a much deeper level, a level that has more understanding and recognition, and with less apprehension and resistance. By doing this, its how dialogues move forward, and connections being deeper. 

2.     Detachment

It’s possible to be passionate about what we’re trying to express and not be attached to how we receive it. When attached to what we are saying and to the desire to be right about it, many times, we end up forcing our ideas on others. Or we end up distorting our beliefs to gain the approval of others. Being detached gives us the freedom to communicate without the pressure of having to be right. Through being detached, we can find peace with; however, our comments are received, and with whatever direction a conversation takes. Who’s right and whose wrong becomes irrelevant.

3.     Humility

The need to be right is deeply rooted in our ego, and one thing our egos is not humble. Sometimes it OK to take a breath and swallow our pride when someone says something we believe to be wrong. We don’t have to prove them wrong. More so, we need to be willing to be vulnerable by being wrong. It is not about conceding our beliefs, but about being humble in our expression of them. It doesn’t matter whether we are right or if we are wrong. What’s more important is how we handle ourselves in either situation.

4.     Forgiveness

Though our need to be right enters all areas of our lives, it’s especially damaging during conflicts with those we care to engage. When we believe we’ve been wronged, many times want to prove to the one who’s hurt or deceived us just how wrong they are. We want to hurt them in return. Rather, our focus should be on forgiveness. Yes, it is important to share our feelings and express how we feel, but not without a commitment to forgiveness. No matter how wrong we believe the person to be, when the desire to forgive takes precedent, the need to right dissipate, opening the door for a more conscious and healthy connection.

5.      Kindness

Dr. Wayne Dyer famously wrote, “When given a choice between being right and being kind, choose to be kind.” We all struggle with the self-doubt of our egos, with the insecurity of being wrong. And a threatened ego will almost always react. When we try to prove someone wrong by trying to create ourselves to be right, we’re unkind in the process, whether it’s our intentions or not. Only our ego cares about the distinctions between right and wrong. Our heart is engineered to love and accept whoever is on the receiving end of our conversations. Let us try and operate from our hearts with kindness.

The next time we feel self-pressure to make our point and needing to be right, let’s try and take a moment to remember that being right should not be the goal. It’s unimportant to growth, learning, and being kind. 

I challenge you to integrate some of the above qualities into how we have conversations, especially difficult conversations.  Know that by doing so, you are inviting a more conscious and healthy exchange with whoever is on the other side of your dialogue. Should you have some other qualities that you may recommend, don’t hesitate to comment on what you believe them to be.