Being Productive?—?The Urge and the Guilt that?Follows

In a world that often celebrates and glorifies productivity, the desire to constantly achieve, create, and contribute is an undeniable urge that many of us feel.

For some, it’s a calling, a passion that drives them to push the boundaries of their potential. But what happens when the pursuit of productivity turns into an unrelenting compulsion?

This article delves into my personal journey of finding solace and purpose in my work, only to discover that the pursuit of productivity can come at a cost, a cost that often goes unnoticed in a society that values constant achievement.

Building a Foundation

I started working when I was nineteen years old. No, before you look with pity in your eyes, it wasn’t to support my family or anything. I did it because I wanted to. I started to pursue my career in a reputed university but with a course that didn’t align with who I actually was and what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

With the kind of exposure I got at my university, I was familiar with mental health, and an organization hired me as an intern, considering my aligned thoughts and the probably the potential that was yet undiscovered by me.

My Attachments with Mental?Health

Anyhow, the turning point of my life was an Instagram post that I wrote that got more than nine thousand interactions. I still have the insights saved in my story highlights to just remind me that even though I started young, people resonate with my thoughts, and my words could make an impact. Nothing more than touching lives, eliminating the stigma, and being a patient listener to one soul at a time was enough for me to go back to bed with my head high and heart filled with satisfaction.

Soon enough, I started making money by freelancing, part-time projects, and internships?—?all together. Yes, I had my classes in the morning and work in the evening, and I stretched till the night. Fortunately, it never felt like work. I have this before, and I will keep saying it?—?writing is the only thing that doesn’t make me feel like I should be doing something else.

Publishing My Debut?Book

The launch of my debut book?—?Color Outside the Lines, was a silver lining. I was nineteen years old when I wrote and released the book. To date, when I look back, I just want to carry the teenage me around with applause and warm hugs. It was followed by a worldwide lockdown, and I didn’t know what to do with the twenty hours placed in the palm of my hands.

Even though COVID-19 was a way of telling nature that we should take a break to rest and reflect, I started to overwork. I didn’t want to process my feelings, how many deaths happened every morning when I woke up, and so on. As a coping mechanism, I thought being productive was a compulsion. The thought of sitting still didn’t once come my way.

Dealing with?COVID-19

So, I wrote. I wrote like there was no tomorrow. I published two more poetry books called OverthoughtThoughts and (Un)Tangled. Ironically, the success of me being an author and a better writer was complemented by an adult with unprocessed mental baggage and unhealthy expectations of self.

I never learned to take a break. Even the idea of not picking up my laptop or journal or a novel that helps me stay grounded as a writer was alien to me. Five years down the lane, at twenty-three, I am numb. I feel the lows, but I’m not in touch with the highs. I cry, but I hardly laugh. I work, but I just want to lay in my bed for a month, hide, and show up to nobody.

Saying this out loud in one of my therapy sessions, or publically writing, makes me realize the guilt that follows. How on Earth can I not work? I have to do something. If not for money, then for myself, but for taking a break, I am still feeling guilty about not being productive for a month and looking at myself in the mirror, trying to come to terms with the girl on the other end of it.

So, the unhealthy GenZ notion of being productive all the time gives me the gibby gibbies now. I am still (un)learning the fact that we have to push ourselves to strive even in the toughest times. It’s important, but so is resting. And this is the reason most of the people in their twenties have a quarter-life crisis.

Summing Up

I am still learning to take breaks and to challenge the unhealthy notion that I need to be productive all the time. I am realizing that it is important to find a balance between work and rest and to take care of my mental and emotional health.

I hope that my story will help others to understand the importance of taking breaks and to challenge the unhealthy notion that we need to be productive all the time. We are all human beings, and we need to allow ourselves to rest and recharge.

Want to learn more about me? Medium is actually the perfect place.

Here are my socials:

Unfiltered Instagram

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My Books