Being present to our body when dealing with change.

It can be very tempting to revert back to old models, mindsets and actions in the face of change. The tendency to keep the status quo is deeply rooted in us - or to be more accurate - in our brain. Change can be a scary thing for many people, which is perhaps why many tend to prefer that things simply stay the way they are. When changes do occur, many of us tend to perceive them as a loss or detriment. The potential for loss stands out in people's minds much more prominently than the potential for gains. The thing is, every time a change occurs in life, whether it's thrust upon us or initiated by us, we're called upon to embark on a transition journey, whether we know it or not, whether we want it or not. We have a choice here - we can resist and refuse to answer the call, and end up living a static life or doing a static job in which we feel unfulfilled and frustrated; or we can welcome the invitation and embark on a journey towards expansion and growth. With that said, I'm conscious that it's not so "black and white", particularly when our wider context is going through relentless waves of change. The acronym VUCA (volatile, unstable, complex and ambiguous) first used in 1987 in the business world feels so relevant these days when structures and models around the globe are collapsing. When we struggle, the automatic behaviour is to protect ourselves and go back to what is old and familiar. We create an illusion of protection, pretending that we can return to a familiar life situation when in fact, our transition journey has already started. Things will never be the same again.

We can be clever enough and create a nice story in our mind to deny what is happening, thus bringing us further away from our inner experience within our body. We continue to be in the same relationship; we carry on doing the same job; we jump on fixing our CV and replace an unfulfilling job with another one; we keep on pleasing people; we keep on procrastinating or placing unrealistic demands on ourselves: the scenarios are multiple and varied but with a big common red thread: we operate on a survival mode. Our mind and body become focused on combating danger. As a result, we end up with:

a system in overwhelm

stored emotional energy

creation of deficiency/limiting stories

dysregulated nervous system

All of the above happens because we have moved away from our emotions, particularly from the strong ones such as anger, grief, sadness, etc. We find ourselves overwhelmed by mind-made stories (which ultimately are illusions) and with a contracted body. When those stories become too much to tolerate, we might decide, often, with some professional support, to work on the cognitive level to help us question those stories, challenge our beliefs, reframe them, and explore different ways to overcome or turn down the noise in our head. We realise that doing this work merely on a cognitive level gives us some relief but only temporarily. The survival mode is less dominant but is still ruling our life situations. What would be helpful to do? We need to "educate ourselves" to turn towards our emotions.

An emotion is a biochemical expression in our body. Emotion is feedback, which is why it’s important to speak in evolutionary terms. If we break the brain into 3 parts based on the evolution of life on this planet, we have an understanding of the root of emotions. The first part of the brain is the reptilian brain, the most primitive part. The primal emotion located here is fear (the fear mechanism, moving away from threat). The next part of our brain, the limbic or the mammalian brain, is about more complex emotions such as anger, pleasure (what we are moving towards and what we are moving away from). The third and final part of the brain is the prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for logical reasoning and creativity. It’s also responsible for us dwelling in the past and projecting future outcomes, causing depression or anxiety. We are actually not only dealing with emotions of our present but also of our past and future. The emotional imprints are stored in our body and can get triggered by certain situations, especially when we are dealing with change and uncertainty. Emotions are energies in motion. If we ignore them and don’t grow in the capacity to contain the emotional experience when we go through a traumatic event, trauma happens. The emotional experience is not complete and the body can feel the contractions, causing us to feel cut off, shut down, overwhelmed, disconnected, etc. Our nervous system is intelligent and will do its best to protect us.?I find this topic really fascinating and am doing more research to understand how we can tap into the intelligent system to help us deal with strong emotions, especially when dealing with career and life changes.

The nervous system uses tiny cells called neurons to send messages back and forth from the brain, through the spinal cord, to the nerves throughout the body. The nervous system has different safety or protection strategies in it. The picture above illustrates a scale from protection to connection. In order to function in this world, we need both the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous system. The polyvagal theory (introduced by behavioural neuroscientist, Stephen W. Porges) recognises the function of the vagus nerve (vagus is Latin for wandering and that’s a really good description of what this collection of nerves does. It forms an information super highway from our brain, to our heart and our gut. This is what originates the contractions and expansions through which our nervous system is talking to us. Going back to the picture above, we have the dorsal vagal – dorsal means “behind”. This is really the most ancient part of our nervous system which is below our level of consciousness. The dorsal vagal is a state of extreme protection (we are cut off, frozen, immobilised, we feel we want to be alone, burdened, shut down..). It’s a protection response. The sympathetic state is a more responsive state but still very much based on protection. The one at the very bottom of the slide is the ventral vagal. This was developed more recently in our evolutionary biology (ventral means “at the front”). This is where we feel relaxed, ready to be with people, we are in the present. I find this topic really fascinating and would love to spend more time on this. The map of the nervous system can help us have an idea of how the nervous system can guide us towards safety and away from threat through cues of body contractions and expansions.?

How can we educate ourselves to move towards our emotions and create a more compassionate, functional relationship with our emotions, and bring the nervous system to a more regulated state? Here's a few techniques you could try:

• 478 breath. This technique is about consciously changing the breathing patterns. On the inhale you are actually going into the sympathetic nervous system state; on the exhale, you are going into the parasympathetic nervous system state or rest and digest state. The 478 breath simply means you inhale for 4 seconds, you then hold your breath for 7 seconds feeling the energy from your feet to the top of your head; you then exhale very slowly for 8 seconds. If you struggle to hold your breath for 7 seconds, you can start with 4 seconds or whatever makes you feel more comfortable initially. Just make sure your exhale is twice as long as your inhale. I have been practicing conscious breathwork for months to manage anxiety and IBS and it's been working. Give it a try and see if it works for you.
• Resourcing. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and bring your attention to your body. Scan your body, notice the sensations. Is there a part in your body where you feel safe? Is there a part in your body where you feel neutral? You can use these points of safety or neutrality as an anchor that you can go back to when sitting with an emotions becomes overwhelming. You can also think about a person from the past, a thing from the past. You then say the word safety and see what comes out. The memory will then become your anchor when feeling a strong emotion becomes too overwhelming.
• Merging and distancing. You allow yourself to experience the emotion without the mind-made story attached to it. You allow yourself to be an observer. At the same time, you consciously explore the emotion within your body from a place of observation.
• Belief Investigation. Start creating a dialogue with the emotion. Let's say you're feeling sad about the change you're going through. Ask that sadness what it believes, what is its story, what it believes about the world? By doing so, you will start unpacking unconscious beliefs that are making your transition journey more difficult and longer.

The techniques above are just a few ways you can explore to bring yourself to a more regulated state and feel calmer and more present. You can also try them with someone you deeply trust. There are times when you might need professional support. Ultimately, it's about cultivating presence when we go through an emotional rollercoaster that is very typical of a transition journey. The more present we are, the more capacity we grow in containing our emotions and close the loop, leading us to a more conscious and resourceful state when dealing with change.