Being Optimally Distinct

We are social animals. Although we all know that, it seems like we don't always realize the impact this has on the way we think and behave. I am talking to a lot of people and I can't help but notice that many of us doubt the force of social influence (on ourselves, of course) and claim we are mostly immune to letting others shape our opinions, choices and actions. We clearly see everyone around us being influenced. But ME? Not really. It can be a very uncomfortable idea but no one is exempt. Other people shape almost every aspect of our lives.

The actions of other people can guide your behavior and give you a great deal of insight. They offer details of their education, socioeconomic status and political orientation, how they view the world and much more. This information establishes what you should consider worth imitating. While some people inspire mimicry, others inspire it's opposite. Let’s say you dislike someone and you talk to them in a meeting. It turns out they love your favorite band. Chances are, you might like that band a little bit less afterwards. On the opposite, if someone you admire loves a car you dislike, you might reconsider your opinion about that person.

In Psychology, this is called “Divergence” – you move away from such people in thought and action without being aware of it. You don’t want to be like them. If something gets “too popular,” you might reject it because too many other people mimic each other in praising or purchasing it. Your movements through this sea of social influence are never sharply defined. You don’t want to be precisely like someone else or so reactive that you turn into his or her direct opposite. You – like everyone – hold on to the illusion of independent choice.

You seek to be optimally distinct. That means being sufficiently yourself so your actions don’t violate your identity or integrity, but also enough like the peer group you admire to gain its members’ acceptance.

You send out signals that you hope the people whom you want to read them will interpret correctly. Yet, you want those signals to be so subtle that the people whom you don’t want to read them will miss them. The people you’re deliberately signaling don’t drive your choices, but they do subtly “motivate you to action.” For example, if you carry a certain handbag, you want it to communicate a variety of signals about you. The people who make and sell that handbag know that when you carry it, you send signals about their brand. Let me give you an example I stumbled upon a few days ago. One day in 2010, actress Nicole Polizzi – known for playing a character who wore “trashy” clothes on a Reality TV show– received a free Gucci handbag in the mail. This isn’t unusual. Influencers and Social Media Stars get sent a lot of free merchandise all the time. In this case, however, it was a Gucci competitor that sent the bag. Why? Because he knew that if large audiences would see her wearing the bag, the perceived value of Gucci bags would drop considerably among the sophisticated buyers Gucci sought, because she was so deliberately inelegant. Actor Mike Sorrentino entered a reverse endorsement deal with Abercrombie & Fitch. For reasons like those of Gucci’s sneaky rival, it paid him never to wear its clothes. That's a fun twist, right?

The actor entered a reverse endorsement deal with Abercrombie & Fitch. The company paid him to NEVER wear it's clothes.

Let me share one more great example of a research study that gave questionnaires to people who recently bought BMW's. Questions were why they chose that specific car and why other people they knew would buy BMW's. Almost without exception, respondents answered that they chose a BMW for price, value, performance, safety or design. Also they all reported other people bought a BMW due to social influence, since owning one upgraded their perceived social status. As expected, no one attributed his own actions to social influence. One of the participants, a lawyer, complained that all young lawyers he knew bought BMW's. He reported to find the conformity upsetting. When the interviewer reminded the lawyer that he drives a BMW too, he responded that the young lawyers all drive silver BMW's, but he’s not like them. His is blue.

This is my Friday afternoon afterthought that I would like to hear thoughts, experiences and stories over. Please feel free to share, I love a good story and interesting research findings on this. Happy weekend and happy self-reflection, everyone!