Being the "Only" is Lonely

A recent article highlights the lengths companies will go to to "appear" diverse. A chemistry researcher at a US university was asked to help with a team photo for a grant application. She assumed she would be taking the photo, until she was pulled in front of the camera, and awkwardly realized why she was there.

She looked around her: the research team were all white men, and she was the only black woman in the photo.

"This was an example of 'Photoshop' diversity, when black women are used for photo opportunities," she tells the BBC, "I was being used to show he worked in an inclusive team and to secure him funding. I was embarrassed."

Companies are becoming aware that the visuals that represent the customer look bad when they are not diverse. But simply adding diverse visuals into your photos, commercials or tv shows, without adding any real diversity into the actual workings of your company won't accomplish much.

Real diversity is inviting different voices to the table. Being open to viewpoints that are different from yours. Listening to the experiences of others that don't match yours and being willing to acknowledge that processes that work just fine for you, might in fact cause harm to others. Or that others face obstacles that you never have to think of.

It's really hard to do any of that without being open. Taking in new information without being defensive. Without feeling attacked.

Being a Beginner Again

One of the best ways I have found to be open to new ideas is to put myself in the role of the learner. Acknowledging that I am a beginner, being willing to learn from others more experienced. When you have been the "boss" at work for a long time it's easy to fall into the comfortable trap of being the one with the answers. The one people come to for guidance. It feels great. It also lulls you into thinking you're an expert all around. And none of us is an expert in everything!

The first time I put myself back in the role of a beginner was when I signed up for boxing lessons. I had been working out with a trainer at home for about a year, so I felt I knew a little bit and I really loved boxing. But walking into a real boxing gym where professional fighters trained? As a 45-year-old mother of 3?

I knew others would look at me and think why is this "soccer mom" here?

I hadn't felt that scared since writing my UFE exams to become a CPA. But the feeling I got when my coach said he would give me a 1-hour training session as a try-out, and then agreed to take me on as a client? Like I had climbed Mount Everest. I trained 2x a week for the next 3 months learning the same methods as a real fighter. I had no illusions that I would become a professional fighter, but I wanted to learn something new and challenging. I learned so much, and along the way got in the best shape of my life. But it was the mental learning that I loved the most.

The gift of being in the learner position is I have no expectations of being great. I don't feel I have to get an "A". I don't have to be the best. and that turns it into FUN! I still have a trainer to this day, because it's so much more fun with someone else planning the workouts and always changing things up. I don't want to be an exercise expert! But I've learned a lot in 8 years of "playing" in the gym.

And I carried that lesson with me. You only learn by putting yourself into NEW situations. By learning from people different than you. By being willing to be a beginner again.

Diversity to me means diversity in EVERYTHING. Surrounding myself with people with different areas of expertise. Different career paths. Different cultures. Different obstacles faced.

It can be hard to overcome the desire to stay comfortable and stick with people who we feel are the same as us. It makes us feel safe. We feel understood.

I spent my whole career trying to find a place where I felt a part of the leadership team. The reality for anyone who has been "the only" in any environment - it feels very lonely. All I ever wanted while I worked in Corporate was to be "one of the guys". And for a while, I thought the answer was showing the guys I was just the same as they were. Obviously it never really worked, and instead almost got me drowned on a team white-water rafting trip as I tried to prove whatever the guys could do I could do too!

So what's the answer? For so long I felt damned if I do, doomed if I don't.

For me, the answer has been to strike out on my own and create a diverse portfolio of work and activities where I can be my authentic self. My hope was that I would meet some people that were like me along the way and form my own tribe. Somewhere along the way the last few years, it has slowly happened here on Linkedin. Not surprisingly, my "tribe" of colleagues and connections has become far more diverse as I start to collaborate with other professionals who have also gone the entrepreneurial route because they struggled being the "only" in their corporate careers. Most meaningful of all is connecting with those of you who are still struggling to be the only, or one of the few in your corporate roles. Still pushing for change, trying to make it work. I feel you. I was one of you for a long time.

The experience of being a beginner in boxing has led me to be comfortable being a beginner in all kinds of areas that are starting to pay off. I started writing articles. Then tried videos. I've now spent 3 years making fitness videos for fun - because they inspire me and inspire others. But behind the scenes, I've spent hundreds of hours learning how to make videos. Because I like learning something new. I'm now transferring those skills into building online training courses. I'm able to do all my own editing because I've built up those skills. It's allowed me to experiment with new ideas and projects without having to hire expensive resources.

My latest venture is to create my own Youtube fitness channel. I don't NEED to. I just WANT to. I want to see if my fitness videos can become something more. I have absolutely no idea how to build a brand on Youtube. But I knew nothing about Linkedin 4 years ago, and I've managed to figure it out. So I'm pretty sure I can figure out Youtube. And if it doesn't work that will be ok too. By trying I'm bound to meet new people and learn some new things. But the only way to learn is to try. And that's not so scary anymore.

How are you making your own life more diverse? How do you learn new things? Share in the comments!

PS - If you have any tips for me on my Youtube fitness channel let me know! and of course, if you want to help me reach my first 100 subscribers so I can customize my subscriber link, then click below and be one of my first subscribers!

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