BEING OFFENDED IS A CHOICE
Brigham Young - quotesgram.com

BEING OFFENDED IS A CHOICE

Taking offense at even minor things is a phenomenon that has been growing steadily over the last several decades. Rather than expecting people to learn how to deal with minor conflicts and differences of opinions, our culture began rewarding this hypersensitivity. Trigger warnings, safe spaces and the use of the term micro-aggressions all serve to reward people for taking offense at minor issues. 

In today's social media world fueled by likes and shares, portraying oneself as a victim who has been offended is a way to gain attention, sympathy and support. It also serves to reinforce the belief that their experience was profoundly harmful. By speaking out about the offense they feel vindicated.

How it affects mental health

Taking offense at what someone else says or does is a choice. It can have profound effects on your mental well-being and sense of self worth. This tendency to take offense by some can also lead to conflict with others. Or worse yet — it can lead to others walking on eggshells around the person who takes offense. 

Always taking things personally and being offended shows serious hypersensitivity and very low self-esteem. By constantly putting yourself in the position of feeling offended, you may start to create a sense of paranoia about how others view you. It indicates a high level of self-absorption to hear what someone says and immediately assume they are being offensive to you. 

Choosing to take offense is deliberately labeling oneself as a victim. Unfortunately, our current culture reveres victims — even those who are victimizing themselves. But taking offense at minor issues actually serves to make the sensitivity to issues much worse. Avoiding that which makes us uncomfortable or fearful only serves to increase the discomfort and fear. 

How do you stop?

So if you are someone who does take offense often how do you stop? There are several actions you can take to realign your sensitivity.

  1. Don't assume negative intent: Give people the benefit of the doubt. When you have trained yourself to take offense often and about minor issues, you begin to lose the ability to identify if the individual is meaning to be offensive.
  2. Understand that offense does not equal harm: Harm is a physical (i.e being hit) or has real-world effects (i.e. losing a job). The phrase "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" should become your new mantra. 
  3. Think about why you are upset: Take some time to analyze what about the exchange made you feel upset. Time and thought can give you the perspective you need to understand why you reacted by taking offense. 
  4. Change your personal expectations: Other people are not mind-readers. If you become upset about something they have said, understand that they most likely do not feel what they said was offensive. 
  5. Don't assume it is about you: Self-absorption causes people to assume everything is about them. Practice blocking this thought pattern. Unless the speaker directly states they are talking about you, it is most likely not directed your way.
  6. Discuss it or let it go: If you truly feel what was said was a deliberate attempt to offend you — address it with the individual. However, as it is more likely that you are hypersensitive to an issue, you can make the choice to NOT take offense and let it go.

Remember, there is no legal right to never be offended. Choosing to take offense hurts you, as well as others who will walk on eggshells around you, or just start to avoid you outright. Picking your battles is very important — and not everything is a battle!  

For more articles about conflict resolution check out my blog.

Ross Brouse

Your Tech Should Be Tasty like a Taco ?? Value-based I.T. helping businesses reach their goals ?? Cybersecurity Tech Leader | Speaker

3 年

These are all really great points Kathleen! In fact this is a really important article that I want to read over a few times. I am not this person but I come in contact with this person from time to time and having the knowledge from this article is going to be absolutely helpful. Thank you!

Lena Stoots, CSCP

I connect People to Businesses ?? | LinkedIn 4 Lifer (ask me how) ?? | CSCP, Certified Supply Chain Professional | Leadership and Counseling Facilitator | Serves on Non Profit Boards

3 年

#1 is so key, great article Kathleen Kauth

回复
Greg Evans

Happy to be of help,

3 年

It is not always easy, but it is doable, powerful and quite freeing. I work on trying to stay focused on non-judgement. This helps me to get offended. I like to also ask myself, could there be something going on in their life that is causing them to act this way.

Dusty DeGroff, CEPA?, CRPC?, CRPS?

Financial Advisor ?? | CEPA? Certified Professional | Building businesses that serve your life, not consume it ??

3 年

Amen Kathleen. It’s a choice to be offended. ??

回复

要查看或添加评论,请登录

Kathleen Kauth的更多文章

  • People aren't widgets

    People aren't widgets

    One of the definitions of widget is "something considered typical or representative, as of a manufacturer's…

  • Emotionalism supercharges conflict

    Emotionalism supercharges conflict

    Definition of emotionalism 1: a tendency to regard things emotionally 2: undue indulgence in or display of emotion…

    6 条评论
  • HOW AMBIGUITY AND UNCERTAINTY AFFECT CONFLICT

    HOW AMBIGUITY AND UNCERTAINTY AFFECT CONFLICT

    When dealing with conflict, one of the first steps is to specifically identify the conflict. It is nearly impossible to…

  • Anger is addictive

    Anger is addictive

    It seems as if there is an epidemic of anger in our world right now. People respond with anger, even rage, over what…

  • START WITH THE SMALL ROCKS

    START WITH THE SMALL ROCKS

    In Stephen Covey's book "First Things First" he talks about looking at a jar as the amount of time and energy you have,…

    4 条评论
  • Don't let political conflict impact professional conduct.

    Don't let political conflict impact professional conduct.

    Politics at Work Having a work environment that is open and positive is a difficult state to achieve. Understanding how…

  • Conflict resolution skills require repetition

    Conflict resolution skills require repetition

    Most people have a basic understanding of weight training and physical fitness. If you want your muscles to respond…

  • ULTIMATUMS IN CONFLICT RESOLUTION

    ULTIMATUMS IN CONFLICT RESOLUTION

    Empty threats change nothing "That's the last straw!" "If you don't do ________ then it's over" "I will never forgive…

  • ANTICIPATION SHORT-CIRCUITS LISTENING

    ANTICIPATION SHORT-CIRCUITS LISTENING

    Sometimes in a conversation with someone you know or talking about a subject that has been discussed before, you may…

    16 条评论
  • ENTRENCHED VIEWS MAKE RESOLUTION TRICKY

    ENTRENCHED VIEWS MAKE RESOLUTION TRICKY

    According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definition of entrench is: 1a: to place within or surround with a…

    4 条评论

社区洞察