Being nonverbal

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” - George Bernard Shaw

When it comes to communication, few things are true across cultures, organizations and professions. Even across countries and nations, there are few cultural dimensions that are in effect when it comes to communication.?

Communication is the most dynamic and continuous process in our day-to-day life. When you are silent, in a way you are communicating! In this situation you might be saying I have nothing else to add.?

?Also, it is an unrepeatable process and hence when someone tries to recreate the same scenario there is always a different experience to it. Either the way it is repeated is different or circumstances are different. Sometimes you might wish you could take something back that you said but it is just irreversible.?

The most important and the most complex skill set that any leader needs is communication. We often talk about verbal communication, today let’s talk about the non-verbal communication.

Learning how to listen and understand something which is not communicated to you through words is a very difficult and very essential part.?

To make it a bit more structured let’s categorize it as :

Sign Language

This varies from a simple gesture like a thumbs up or a complex one as a sign language.?

Action Language?

These usually are movements that are used to show your feelings around a certain topic. Some try to show excitement by waving their hands or when someone decides to get up and walk out of the meeting. These reactions tell you whether the meeting was fruitful or there was some hidden meaning to those actions that were taken.

Object Language?

Whether we intend to or not, certain artifacts, materials that we acquire do provide others with some information that can be used to communicate. A certain collection of painting or jewelry might communicate your opinions or love towards a certain culture or traditions..?

A non-verbal communication truly has three steps.

Let’s follow this through with an example . You have a team member who is usually very cheerful and happy at work.?

You greet them by saying “Good Morning” and there is no response on the other side. Now this is your Cue and as you match this against your Expectation, you know there is something that is off. With this information now you will Infer that your team member may not be happy about something or is depressed.?

Basically , you went through the three steps with your team member :?

? Cue -> Expectations -> Inference.?

One needs to be very careful while inferring? as most of the time our ability to interpret these nonverbal cues does not match the actuals.?

The dangerous thing you would ever do to yourself, is believe that a communication has happened non-verbally. As at that moment you are leaving the entire conversation upto the inference someone might have taken out of the cues?

Non-verbals can be an add-on to the actual verbal articulate communication but for most of the cases they should not be used by themselves.?

Here are six principles to follow when it comes to these kinds of communications :?

Nonverbal communication always occurs in a context.? As much as verbal communication needs a context or a goal attached to it, similarly does a non-verbal communication.?

Nonverbal behaviors are usually clustered with verbal communications. While having a verbal conversation with someone your eye contact, body posture or facial expression are the ones which let them know how well are you both involved and in agreement to those conversations.?

Nonverbal behavior always communicates. It is impossible to not communicate. Even when you are silent you are communicating some form of behavior. Your silence might be inferred as a dis-interest or as you are done giving your opinion about a particular topic. It all depends on the situation at the end.?

Nonverbal behavior has certain rules. There are few forms of behavior like expressing sadness or joy which are the same for all mankind. But there are few which depending on your culture and where you were born might vary. Hence it is extremely important to review the cultural dimensions before communicating both verbally as well as non-verbally.?

Nonverbal behavior is highly believable. In Fact they are more trusted than verbal behaviors. This makes things complex with non-verbal behaviors. We can write or speak something that is not true but it is difficult to contradict your thoughts non-verbally.?

Nonverbal is a meta communication which usually is done along with something . Usually the “along with” is either a sign language or an action language or an object language.? Example: while greeting a person your facial expression might tell how you really feel about them.?

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Reference :?Managerial Communication: A Case-Analysis Approach, 5th Edition -?James S. O’Rourke, IV (Prentice Hall, 2013)