Not Being Nice At Last

"It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln

Approaching the big 4-0 in 2020, I can't help but to recall how I have spent my first 40 years on earth (since quite unlikely that there will be a second or third 40). Like it or not, they are not coming back and in a way I do not miss it all that much because I have not lived to fullest. So, was there life in my years? Yes, somehow but not satisfying enough and I am definitely the root cause of it.

I only wish I have done more without compromising on myself and be more brave without giving or taking in excuses. I was not ruined but there were definitely some self-destruction going on when I lived by my mum's teachings that "it is perfectly fine for allow others to take advantage but always remain nice" in the past.

I have learnt that it is ok not to be nice and give in everytime. As I age and when people comment that I am such a nice person, I feel like I am like a vase. An empty vase. Being nice means treating myself like a 2nd-class citizen within myself constantly and subtly telling others that I can be ignored, bullied etc. There are so much more inside me that I have suppressed all these years, yet I choose to give in to being nice in hope to be included and well-liked. I am not going to mix kindess and nice together again.

I make a choice that I will stop being nice to just EVERYONE (wait, I'm not going to be evil or bad to anyone if you know what I mean), choose the people AND my battles. This is going to be my resolution in 2020. 

What's yours?