Being More Social

It’s Monday and that can only mean one thing.? It’s time to share!!? Ok, it can mean other things, like “Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little.” (Edmund Burke)

While I love that you read my words in written form, as usual, if you would rather listen, in either of Canada’s official languages, click here: People Power Everything Podcast (Version Francophone)

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article called More Social, Less Media about how social media has gotten to be several levels of useless, but also that there are still useful parts to it.? With so many people on Facebook, it is difficult to just stop.? There are reasons we are there.? I quit X and that hasn’t made any difference in my life.? It probably improved it.? I tried BlueSky, which is much more positive, but you can’t remove the reality of the news, no matter how hard you try.? LinkedIn is all business, so there are things I want to share in some places and not others.? In that article, my main point was: Use social media to be more social, to connect with others in real life, rebuild relationships, increase empathy and build our capacity to be social.? The last part, building our capacity to be social is something I find worth exploring more.? I am not alone.? In the last week, I have listened to several podcasts and there is a trend going on that talks about the very human need to serve others.?

An existential question that comes up in many of our lives is “who am I doing this for?”.? We can ask the question about all our actions, from the most mundane to the extremely exciting.? What we are seeing is that the answer to that question is important to our mental health and motivation.? For example, I started writing these weekly articles to share things I found interesting with my staff, so it was a way to build our relationships and learn about each other.? The same is true today.? When I set out to write about something that inspired me, I am rarely thinking about the result being just for me.? It does give me the opportunity to read, research, write and build something that gives me a good summary of the key points.? If that’s all it was though, I would just keep it all in a notebook of some sort.? But my intent is to share so it can help others who may not have time nor the interest to go deep and try to make connections across domains in the way that makes me happy to do.? I find moments of flow in the process where the words are just coming out and I type them as fast as I can. ?I enjoy the act of doing something that I hope will help YOU the reader or listener of the podcast.? I send it out in to ether and my reward is the feedback I get.? Every email or social media comment makes a difference.? I know I am reaching at least a few people, and it was worth your time to explore with me.? I am being of service.

Last week, Simon Sinek put out a podcast interview called “Spite is the greatest motivator with Watch Duty founder John Mills”.? It is worth your time to listen to it for many reasons.? One being that they talk about motivation not only coming from spite (A kind of joke by the way.), but a big piece is being of service to others that need it.? Asking how we can help and actually doing something about it the real world.? Thoughts and prayers don’t actually get anything done other than make us feel better.? I do appreciate when people are thinking about me and give me good wishes but actually taking the time to be of service to others, through volunteering, helping friends and family, and maybe even just writing a short article every week, is what our soul really craves.

In his Deep Questions podcast this week, Cal Newport talked about what he summarized as the “sparsification of the sacrifice driven sociality graph” based on a Derek Thompson article in The Atlantic called The Anti-Social Century.? It is a phrase he coined after talking about how many people have gotten used to and comfortable with solitude.? It is a real danger than we are getting used to and quite happy being alone.? For all the introverts like me, I am not advocating becoming instant extroverts, but as Newport suggests, it’s about being around people, helping the neighbour dig out their car from the last storm, or listen to a friend talk about their challenges and celebrations.? He laments the reduction in our desire to be of service to those in our community and society.? To turn this around, we need to take technology out of the equation and “sacrifice non-trivial time and attention” to others. ?The key point is that it is time we could have spent doing something else, but we are prioritizing our actions for another’s needs. We need to feel needed.? This is the same thing that happens when kids grow up and don’t need their parents so much.? We feel it.? It hurts.? To fill in the void, we use technology more and work more.? Most of us could use an extra dose of human connection instead.? ??

Now, if we want to be better and feel better, we need to rebuild the social links by reaching out and doing things together.? It’s not all that complicated.? Make real life interesting and fun. Once you do, the technology-based actions get to be kind of boring, which is a good thing.? Just like I do virtual bicycling routes all over the world, I know that having that physical experience one day will be so much more engaging, especially when I can share the experience with others I care about.

That begs the question if we should stop doing virtual stuff entirely?? I don’t think so because that is something I feel is necessary for staying in touch and can support the real-world relationships.? There is still value in saying hi via text or other messaging apps, but the trick is to parlay that into something more that is experienced together.? So, after that text to say hi, try asking about getting together and plan it.? Even if friends are in another country, planning that time together will be exciting and motivating.? Also, try focusing on self-sacrifice to help others in some way.? That will really get you going.?

This week has to be the most People Power Everything article I have put out to date.? People power our feelings, our motivations, our desires, our mood, our connections, our communities, and our capacity to make a difference through real-world actions that bring us closer together.

Have a great day and week ahead!? ??

John

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