Being me. Being a CEO.

Becoming a CEO was never a part of my plan. Even if you’d asked me when I joined Bonobos two and a half years ago, if I’d like to be CEO one day, I would have likely said “hell no.” 

Now, as I reflect back, 9 months into my role as CEO at Bonobos, I ask myself why I would have said that. Was it because I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it? Was it because I didn’t think I was capable? Was it because I thought others would think I wasn’t up to it? Was it because I love marketing so much, that I wouldn’t want to leave that behind? Something else?

Well, here’s the answer. I just didn’t think that my often emotional, frequently too transparent, always self-deprecating, highly instinctive, very informal style was consistent with the title of “CEO”. In my head, CEOs were self-confident, put together, measured, super analytical, reserved, even formal, and kept their distance from the team.

Turns out that was wrong. Not all CEOs are the same and in fact, being the CEO of Bonobos in all its glory requires something totally different. It requires me to be me. Warts and all.

I don’t read as often as I’d like — time is a luxury often lost — but there are two books that I’ve read, enjoyed, and keep going back to. They’ve informed my point of view and have convinced me further that a leader must embrace who they are and bring it all to the workplace.

The first is Marcus Buckingham and Don Clifton’s book StrengthsFinder and the other, authored by John Gerzema and Michael D’Antonio, is called The Athena Doctrine.

Bonobos is a “strengths-based organization.” That is to say, we’ve fully embraced the philosophy outlined in Buckingham and Clifton’s book. The underlying philosophy he outlines is that we should all know, understand, embrace our strengths and work with them. Instead of worrying about what we aren’t, it’s far better to focus on what we are. Every single person in our organization answers a questionnaire that then tells them their strengths. Every employee’s strengths are printed on their nameplates, there is a document that anyone can access that shows all employees strengths, and it has become part of our vernacular. 

Mine show that I’m positive, love to communicate, and think strategically — all attributes that appear in my top five strengths. On the other hand, my results revealed that deliberation, harmony, context, and analytics are not my strong suits. Knowing this, the team knows that when it comes to decision making, I'm unlikely to look for consensus, and that more often than not, I trust my gut. One thing I’ve learned is that it’s okay to have a “bottom five.” I don’t have to be all things to all people, all the time. That’s a label that no leader can really live up to.

The Athena Doctrine has a rather catchy subtitle: “How Women (and the Men who think like them) will rule the world.” Without giving it away, or short-changing the wealth of research that was done, the basic premise is that qualities most associated with great leaders are also those most frequently labeled as “feminine”—traits such as compassion, humility, flexibility, loyalty and patience. I’d add vulnerability to the list.

Over the last nine months, this has come into focus for me. There have been many times when I’ve had to say “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure.” It’s easy to think that this could create uncertainty or fear amongst my team, but I believe instead it’s given them a way to connect with me, support me, and contribute, and perhaps most importantly, demonstrate their own vulnerability. I see vulnerability as a strength. It brings transparency, trust, and honesty to communications and builds stronger relationships. It gives permission for people to grow and learn from their successes and their failures.

In CEO of Bonobos, I’ve found my fit. I’ve found a culture, organization, and team that allows me to be me, and actively embraces it. My hope is that others will find that same joy in finding a role, culture, organization that embraces them too. Warts and all.