on being a lot

I have been told that I can be a lot.

'How Vanessa? You are so sweet and calm!' I know, I know, it sounds crazy but some people aren't for everyone. My younger self would have wanted to please as many people as possible. Thinking that not "ruffling feathers" would leave my closest friends and family unscathed from nonsense. Now that I am a little bit older I understand that there are some people in this world that I will not fit well with. For reasons outside of our control, there will never be a time that everyone in the world would love you. That's statistically sound and just ok!

What I can control, I will cultivate with kindness, I can only control what is around me (to a certain extent) and myself. I demand a lot from myself, so I give myself a lot. I have control over it and it is mine. So what if it is 'a lot'?

I just finished my daughter's hair. She has a lot of hair. And she is what we would call 'tender-headed'. She used to be very anxious for wash day. I talk about her hair with her often, so she isn't surprised by much, and I support her learning about her hair, hands on. We work together with her hair because it is more than enough. I could just complain to her about doing her hair and make it a terrible experience. But she has to live with herself. She has to be comfortable to deal with her own hair, no matter how much it is. It belongs to her, and frankly, its quite beautiful.

And so is she.

And so am I.