Being a leader is no easy feat, and your leaders want you to know that

Sure, being a leader is an impressive feat, it confers a sense of power and authority to the person who wields it. It elicits and commands a degree of respect from the followers. People look up to the person who wears the crown. Yet… on all accounts, heavy is the head that wears the crown. Being a leader is not all glitz and glamor, and with higher authority comes higher stakes, larger responsibilities and heavier burdens to shoulder. Whether it’s the president of the country, CEO to a company, manager to a group of employees, team leader to junior staff or mentor to students, each leadership role, big or small, comes with equal amounts of pressure, and an equally large scrutiny from the public.

The perceived glamor of leading

Leadership roles have long been touted as the pinnacle of human potential. To lead is to come to terms with your potential, and be recognized by others as a strong influence who is capable of paving way for the herd. In no part thanks to Hollywood, history and years of stereotypes, leadership roles are often admired and boasted. Think about Joan D’ Arc, Napoleon Bonaparte, Christopher Columbus, Genghis Khan, Gandhi, Dowager Wu, modern day names including Jacinda Ardern, Anwar Ibrahim, Joe Biden, the late Shinzo Abe, even fictional people such as the biblical figure Noah, Jake Sparrow, Steve Rogers aka Captain America, Lord Aragorn from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, all these heroes carry unique traits that make them uniquely leaders in their own right. Leadership does not discriminate between good or evil, gender nor power either. It exists in all corners of our lives, and as long as politics and power are in play, it will find its way.

Whether it’s leading a battalion of army into the fray, or guiding a group of protestors to rise up to oppression, people have historically sung praises and wrote nothing but good words for heroic figures and leaders. Yet, no one truly wants to spend time acknowledging the amount of drudging, struggles and internal turmoil that leaders go through to achieve their accomplishments. Historical documents and the media more rather prefer to shun the unpleasant process that accompanies leadership, or downplay the dark side of it. Even today, modern leadership presents its own challenges that the public rarely sees. In an organization, there’s an expectation for leaders to put on their facade and carry on with their duty.

Thankfully, the rise in awareness of mental health in leadership has created avenues for people to discuss the matter. Even modern media now realize it takes more than gallant efforts and heroic accomplishment to portray leadership that is authentic, accurate and truthful. Instead, they now look at a leader’s struggles and hardships to craft a narrative that is resonant with the people, both on and offscreen, because that is what people truly want to see.

What leaders want people to know

The journey to becoming a successful leader is not a straight road, but a roller coaster ride with inevitable ups and downs. These successes may seem extravagant and easy, but many of them come with unwanted costs and sacrifices that leaders have to make at the expense of their wellbeing.

Leaders wish their professional and normal lives were separated

Leaders have a life to live outside their job and the organization yet the world continues to treat them as the person that they are at work or in public. When work is over, many leaders simply want nothing more than time to themselves and to be themselves. Sometimes, it involves slipping into a comfortable pair of lounge wear and behaving as their usual selves with their loved ones. But this isn’t possible, as leaders of higher status are expected to display a sense of decorum to the public. Have you ever seen world presidents decked out in a daddy/mommy tank top, short pants, bellies bulging out with a pair of crocs? Hardly. Do you ever look over to the CEO of your company and ever wonder if they picked their noses during meetings? Never. Leaders’ behaviors are scrutinized 24/7 and it is only away from the spotlight that they shed their facade and behave normally. Have you ever wondered if they just simply want to laugh or retort at the media for the silly questions asked from time to time? No, because they are expected to act and react professionally at all times. Status follows them everywhere they go. Sometimes, all they want to do is to be silly and genuine in the spotlight for a brief moment, without judgment.

Leaders screw up all the time

You just don’t know it, and you probably can’t tell even if it happened right before your eyes. Leaders are not all-knowing, and they act according to the information and results they have on hand and hope it all turns out well. If things hit the fan, they need to rectify the error and play along and pretend it is all part of the plan. Even a successful leader who has accomplished 99 successes and 1 mistake will forever be remembered for the sole failure. When leaders are called out for their failure, they need to be ready to apologize and held accountable for the outcome regardless of whether it was their fault, because they represent the country, a body or an organization, and they need to be the first to set an example or end a bad one. In other cases, leaders simply play along, deny knowledge of their failure and continue to wear their crown proudly because they have a job to do. They have to be thick skinned, at least in front of the people and employees.

Leaders hate making tough calls, but they do it anyway

Because who else is going to step up if they don’t? And these tough calls may ruin their personal relationships with their most loved and trusted ones permanently, all in the name of duty. Leaders are not machines, they feel things, but they are clever at hiding their emotions and expressions at work. Altruism is a quality that is commended upon by people, as is sentimentality. Yet in the eyes of the public, altruism and being emotional in leaders are signs of weakness. Sometimes, they may have to make personal sacrifices for the greater good of the people that they lead. This means sacrificing a key talent in the organization, sending soldiers to their death, missing out their children’s piano recital or birthday. Leaders have to put their jobs first, because they have a herd to steer.

Leaders have their moments of weakness and vulnerability

And just like every other human being, they are capable of hitting their lowest point in life, they can shed a tear, suffer from deadly ailments and develop mental health issues such as depression, but these episodes typically go undocumented or briefly shared in the media, to avoid public backlash and further scrutiny. Leaders may doubt themselves, they may regret certain past decisions they’ve made and experience insecurity about their ability to lead. Leaders need their social support system, they need guidance from higher power from time to time too. They. Need. Help. Because as powerful of an influence they may exert, there is greater strength to be found in larger numbers, and a leader’s job is not to stand alone, but to uplift others around them so that they may stand on higher grounds to conquer further challenges.

Leaders have to travel off the beaten path

To be the voice of reason. To see things differently. So that they can bring their people to places no others have gone. But traveling off the beaten path has its cost. When a leader’s sentiments do not resonate with their people, they need to be ready to face doubts, criticisms and humiliation on their own. They have to be prepared to lose their credibility, their people and be ready to build from the ground up again. All leaders have had to influence their followers, help followers see their point of view to encourage a different perspective before great changes and movements can happen. They need to believe in themselves even if the stakes are impossibly stacked against them, because only they can inspire others to believe in them, and that requires perseverance and grit in the toughest times.

Leaders shoulder HUGE responsibilities

Bigger than you will ever fathom. There’s a reason tough calls happen all the time, because leaders have to answer to everyone, which makes making the “right” decision difficult. As much as they probably want to look after their personal interest, their actions carry weight that vibrates across the organization and people that they work with. Leaders don’t just answer to you, they answer to the stakeholders, the people whom they work for, the people whom they serve and the people who follow them. Leaders rarely hold the answers and the right actions, and they certainly don’t hit the sweet spot with their decisions at all times. Sometimes, they want to promote a high performer at work, but stakeholders say no and they have to pick a performer who knows how to play office politics instead. They wish they could stand in solidarity with employees who have been treated unfairly by the management, but doing so jeopardizes their own standing and puts their own job in danger. They think the management has made questionable and baffling decisions, but they get no say in it. They can only accept and make decisions that benefit the majority in the grander scheme of things, and hope that their inability to overlook everyone’s interest can be forgiven.

Leaders are prepared to be disliked, hated on, or made fun of

And even so, they wish they could avoid all that. But there is very little they can do to change that, because executing their jobs and pleasing people don’t go hand-in-hand with one another. Yet, leaders are fully aware of the backlash that accompanies the role. They can only hope that in time, you will come to forgive their mistakes, because they were merely doing what they believed to be right at the given time, all in the name of the job. And that when you’re ready to let go of past grievances, hopefully you’ll be able to welcome them with open arms again, should they ever be leaders in your life.

It’s lonely at the top…

Leadership roles are not for the faint of heart. Having the guts to be outspoken, to take risks and to put yourself in grave danger to lead the herd are bare minimums of the job. There’s a reason not everyone who walks the walks and talks the talk can be a leader. They can be at a position of authority, but to lead requires you to demonstrate the right amounts of EQ, just the right amount of mettle and grit, and the awareness that your decision and behavior may not sit well with others. The next time you’re thrusted into a position of leadership and exposed to the harsh realities of being one, perhaps then you can look back at your ex-leaders and empathize with them. After all, they were merely looking out for themselves while serving you the best they can.