Being in an invisible box

When I was working at one of my previous jobs, it wasn't that I was unhappy, and it wasn't that it was uncomfortable to be there. It was all just a bit lukewarm.

I would go about my days, it would be a little bit of an effort to get up in the morning. I look forward to lunchtime, where I could have a bit of a chat with my friends. Then I look forward to the end of the day, where I could go home and do what I actually wanted to do.

And this was all pretty ‘okay’. It wasn't bad. But it wasn't particularly interesting. It was just so-so.

The interesting thing was that I didn't really think about doing much else. Within the place where I was working there was a logical progression.

I kind of just assumed that's how it would go.

I didn't really even think about doing something else.

I didn't even consider that I can do my own thing.

I thought I was just ticking along nicely.

The problem with this is that my favourite time of the week was the weekend. My least favourite time of the week was a Monday. I chuckle at the Reed.com advertising slogan, where they say ‘love Mondays’.

Because actually, they really hit it on the head there.

For a lot of people. And certainly, myself included a while ago. That Sunday night feeling is all a little bit ‘blah’.

As I continued my journey, and I started learning new things. I started playing with the idea of maybe moving on, and maybe trying something else.

The biggest thing that got in my way was fear. I thought to myself…

What if it goes wrong?

What if it doesn't work?

What if I don't have enough money?

These kind of thoughts would just swirl around in my head. Until I decided, it's safer and better to stay where I am.

It was only after I'd changed jobs, a couple more times, and although the scenery was different, and the people were different.

I still have those same feelings.

It was still very much… Average.

But when I started to learn more about the mind. Something changed. Something was different.

It was almost like a little spark went off inside my head, or my heart, or both.

All of a sudden I spontaneously wanted to do more myself.

I didn't need anyone else to push me or probe me. I was the one who was sitting down, thinking… what can I do next?

But even at that stage. I was still thinking what if it goes wrong? What if it doesn't work? What if I run out of money?

And so, I hedged my bets.

Instead of jumping out of one pool, and straight into another. I started to think and plan.

How could I make one step towards what I wanted, but still see where I came from?

Over time, what ended up happening was I just kept taking those small steps. One foot after the other, until I was able to look back and actually appreciate how far I'd come.

Then I thought to myself. Wow. Maybe I can do this.

And then I thought, I've been wrong before. I could be wrong again.

So I'll look for some numbers. I'll look for some evidence.

What I actually did was I went back through where my income had come from, how much I’d enjoyed generating that income through service. How my energy levels were.

I compared that to the money that was coming in that was safe. That was uninspiring. That was average.

As I traced it back over the months, what I came to realise is that all of those little steps, had started to add up.

I was now at the point where I was making more money doing what I enjoyed compared to the money that was safe. I had more of it too!

So I thought…

Now, I feel like I can do it. And I've got the evidence to show that I am doing it.

What would I like to do next?

It was finally at that point where I gave myself permission to plan what I would really love to be doing.

That doesn't mean I had this outright, inspired vision with all the details filled in.

But I was moving in the right direction. I did have a picture in my head of what I wanted it to be like.

As I kept taking more of those steps towards the picture of what I wanted it to be like, more of the details in that picture started to become clear.

The more details that became clear, the more confident I felt that I could actually make it happen.

It's only when I look back now I realise that I was in this invisible box.

This box that we could call average.

And it was that invisible box that gave me the illusion of safety.

But it didn't keep me happy.

There was a part of me that wanted to speak, and share, and help other people with the information that helped me.

After all, we're all helping each other out in some way or another.

So it's more about how do we choose who we help, and how do we help them and in what way do we want to show up?

So as a final thought for today. It might be an idea to think about what would it be like for you, if you were to start to think about what would keep you happy, rather than just what would keep you safe, but uninspired.

I'd love you to share in the comments what came up for you while reading this post.

Thank you.

#confidencebuilding #confidencecoach #mindset #mindsetmatters #anxietyproblems